This person is everything you’ve wanted!

He is handsome, has a great career, loving, great sense of humor, talented, open-minded, and down-to-earth.
There’s only one thing….you can’t have him.
This is when distinguishing the difference between who we want & who we need is necessary, but some of us inhibit that kind of process by relying on that built-in “hope factor” that we’ve internalized.
It doesn’t matter if that married man says he loves you. He isn’t yours, but you still hope things change.
You think he’s scared of commitment. Did you think sleeping with him was going to make him change his mind?
He seems to always be too busy to spend quality time with you, but wait! You guys are not in a relationship, so he’s not obligated!
As women, we try to manipulate these guys to give us what we want with sex, money, gifts, and our overall energy, but it never works. It never works because we’re not being honest with ourselves. It’s one thing to try and force love & commitment with a guy, but it’s doubly wrong when we try to force them with a guy we can’t have. By the way…let’s not blame the guys for sleeping with us. There’s nothing like NOT having to work too hard for vagina. MEN LOVE THAT! After the sex, they go on about their business unlike us who lose hairs wondering why they haven’t called.
Some of us have known from the beginning what kind of situation these men are in, but our “hope factor” allows that inevitable confidence to invade us and we keep pursuing them. We have to utilize our intelligence in a way that will help us understand that sometimes who we want may not be who we need. We need a mirror image of our soul, and someone who loves like we do. Someone like that is never married, not afraid to commit, and he wants exactly what we want. Once we realize that, a guy who we cannot have will not have the power to emotionally manipulate us. Most importantly, we have to see ourselves worthy of having more than what we settle for.


There’s nothing worse than trying to fight for attention from…..

The married one: It’s really obvious why you shouldn’t waste your time on this one. He’s already said his vows to his woman in front of God & both of their families. So, y’all have had an affair. In the end, something like this will never go in your favor, because in most cases the side chick is only there as a temporary fix. With a ring & official papers, he is obligated to wifey by putting her first in everything and rightfully so. Therefore, you can’t have him. You may want him, but you don’t need him.

The punk: This one tells you & shows you all the right things, but when feelings between you both fester, he shows signs of fear by avoiding your calls and making excuses about his “broken heart”. Don’t be fooled by the fuckery. If he really wanted to be with you, he’d prove it with consistency and genuine interest. You wanted magic in your relationship, but he misunderstood that when he disappeared. You feel like you need him, but I’m sure you don’t need the 3 dollar bill attitude & the misleading torture. Move on!

The non-ambitious one: Simply put..if he has no goals in life & doesn’t care to achieve any like you do, don’t waste your time. You may want the good dick he gives you, but you don’t need his undesired outlook on life to rub off on you.

The user: The user can be any dude I’ve mentioned above.

The manipulator: Just like you sexually & emotionally manipulate him, he can with you. This type of relationship will never go anywhere, because you both want what you want & with selfish intentions. In this type of relationship, there could possibly be the ability of you both feeding off each other’s power trip. You both lie & charm the pants off each other, but there will come a time when you as the woman will need a man who will genuinely give what you need without expectations.

We do ourselves a great disservice when we fall & chase over men who don’t belong to us or cannot have. It’s a form of settling that we’ve adopted because we’ve allowed these men to invade our hearts. I guess the golden question is…do we have enough power in us to put them in a place emotionally, and make room for those we’ll need and who’ll need us just the same?

Lakia Nichole

Lakia Nichole’s Blog is a platform to showcase love for my people, our culture, and all positive things in-between.