We’ve all done it!

When things are going so well in our lives, we begin to feel paranoid as if something is about to go down. We’ve become so accustomed to hoping for the best  but expecting the worst. Some of us have dealt with a lot, so it’s natural for us to think that whatever good happens in our lives, it’s only temporary. We have to train our thought pattern into believing that we deserve long-lasting happiness and joy. It may be difficult for a lot of us for a number of reasons. However, if we get rid of these five negative thoughts, we can get back on track to living life with a more positive mindset.

Not good enough–  Thinking you’re not good enough is one of those self-critical annoyances that pop up when fear takes place. YOU ARE good enough, but you’ll never know unless you try. At least, if things don’t work out, you cannot say that you didn’t try. Everything starts with a try. It’s all about being less self- critical and more confident. Remember why you got inspired in the first place. Stick with that thought and let it take you as far as you need to.

Perfection– Perfection is an illusion and instead of trying to become it, try being better than you were the day before. Being perfect means you have reached the ultimate goal in all aspects of your life. Every day when we wake up, we are learning something new, reaching a goal and striving to do or be better. We go to work to make more money. We eat healthier and workout to be more fit. We go to school to learn and become smarter. What would the world be like if everyone was “perfect”? There would be no thrill, no passion, and nothing to look forward to. Just enjoy progressing in life.

Comparisons to other people- I stress this a lot because I’ve been guilty of it a time or two. This goes along the lines of thinking you’re not good enough. There’s never a need to feel like you have to “carbon copy”, because what works for them works for THEM. Embrace YOU and find what makes YOU unique and special. The world needs originality and folks that STAND OUT. Concentrate on what you can do or be, not on what others do or be.

You can do it all- Maybe you can but the last thing you’d want to do is overwhelm yourself with so many projects. Focusing on one idea/project at a time will help you not only to complete what you’ve started but your brain works with your body and your emotions when it’s not filled with too many thoughts about numerous projects that would otherwise cause anxiety.

Finding Excuses – An excuse is always found between where we are and where we need to be. Once we figure out why we haven’t gotten where we need to be, find the strength inside of you to push that excuse out the way so you can make room towards your journey.

It’s a daily struggle to live in a place of acceptance, especially when we anticipate the future. We must learn to embrace our current lives, no matter what we’re going through or what we believe is a test of strength and patience.

We have to practice accepting ourselves and who we are, our family, our friends, our partners, our relationships, our situations, and even the crazy up and down weather we’ve been having. Doing so helps bring a certain level of peace for us.

Don’t get it twisted…acceptance isn’t the same as settling, despite what others may think or say about accepting what is. The key to living a positively present life is to change our way of thinking. No more “it should be…”, “I wish…”, Why didn’t I….”, “I need to…”, etc. worry or dwell on what could be better or improved in your life, but enjoy the process of improving without fear of failure.

When we stop worrying or dwelling on what could be better or improved in our lives, we begin to enjoy the process of improving without fear of failure. We’re no longer focusing on what should be and it feels damn good!

Do yourselves a favor and live abundantly in the present.

Your future self will thank you.

 

 

It never fails…

The moment you feel like you’ve lost something or someone valuable…something later in life shows you that what didn’t happen, happened because it wasn’t for you. That’s when life shows you that you’ve dodged a big bullet.

I appreciate the moments when I feel like I’ve been saved! Whether it was God, or simply using my intuition, events in my life that don’t always go as planned may actually be a good thing. Of course, I don’t see that at the moment.

We have to trust the process because if we don’t, we’ll always be in a position of doubt. That doubt turns into frustration, rendering us powerless of our emotions and well-being.

When things don’t work out in our favor at the present, it’s because things are working out for a better  future. Somehow, situations are reversed, so we could “start over”. That’s how we learn our most valuable lessons. In the midst of those lessons, we come to discover that we may have missed a bullet…meaning that what was disguised as a blessing, turned out to be a hindrance that we don’t have to deal with. “Dodging bullets” gives us the opportunity to fill the space we’ve created with blessings that we’ve earned.

 

 

 

A popular Youtuber, Landon Moss, is touching souls all over the internet with his Sergio Valencia-directed video titled ‘Cherish Every Moment’.

It took me a moment to catch on at the end until I realized the unexpected.

Just like real life…we come across situations unexpected. That’s why it’s important to cherish every moment with the people you love. Don’t take anything and anyone for granted, because one day, an unexpected situation may take place and change everything….forever!

How many of us has convinced ourselves, at least once in our lifetime, that something we need to accomplish will be done later and not sooner? How many of us have failed at meeting that goal?

*raises hand*

Many of us go through life with many distractions and setbacks that cause us to hinder our abilities to “get things done”. We’ll procrastinate because we think we have enough time, resources, or monetary support, only to find out at the last-minute that things may not go as planned because we’re short on those three components. That “later” turns into “never” and before we realize it….we’ve missed what may have been our only opportunity.

It’s obvious that laziness plays a part in procrastination, so we can’t always blame our shortcoming on the lack of the three components aforementioned. If we want different results we have to do things differently and that includes being proactive. Even with distractions and setbacks, it’s up to us to keep movin’ in order to get shit done. Do what you can, even if it’s a bit at a time until you’re satisfied. Each step we take towards our goal counts, because we’re a step further than where we’ve started. All it takes is a slight push.

Instead of waiting later to do something, try working towards your goal right then and there; the moment your goal enters your mind, you should do something that will bring you a step ahead. There’s a saying, ‘the sooner, the better’.

Procrastination is overrated and for losers and I say this with love. As a result, I push myself to get things done and you know what? I always feel good in the end.

Why?

Because I would have otherwise, put something off, which would have created more stressful situations for me; something I can always avoid by just doing what I set myself up to do.

We don’t often think that some things intervene and because of that, we have to remind ourselves that things change and we’ll never know what happens in the future. It’s important for us to do what we’re going to do and when we’re going to do it and stick with it!

I know, I know…that’s easier said than done.

I get that

However, No one ever said good things come easy. Practicing structure and staying dedicated is not always an easy thing to do when you have twenty things going on in your life, but they make life easier.

That’s definitely a good thing.

Live in the present moment, not the future…and get things done.

By now, you’ve seen images of a couple whose proposal and wedding transpired all in one day and the tear-jerking union went viral all over social media. If you click on the hashtag, #ForeverDuncan” it takes you to a timeline of events between Alfred Duncan and his new wife, Sherrell, and their captured moments of the day’s memorable events.

On Oct. 1st, Alfred proposed to his long-time girlfriend, Sherell Woodward, at noon. Unbeknownst to Sherrell, a wedding ceremony was about to take place by 5pm. The bride-to-be was overcome with emotion as she arrived at the venue.

Learn more about their love story here

Since their love story broke, it’s been proven that folks have a hard time doing a couple of things when they witness something “out of the norm”, yet, extraordinary.

I’ve witnessed people (particularly men) have a hard time giving props where props are due, and the rest (women) using the Duncans’ relationship as a template for their own love life or lack thereof.

While I admit to ALMOST calling somebody to order the “Forever Duncan special”, I am clearly aware that I should create my own journey to true love, instead of following the love story of someone else. I think it’s safe to say that we all should focus on creating our own love story.

We forget that, perhaps, these folks went through hell and back to get where they are right now. Getting into a relationship is relatively easy, but it’s staying in it that could be a whole other challenge. Relationships take work, and everyone’s journey to true love is different.

This couple’s story has revealed the true colors of folks on social media. Since their story broke, I’ve witnessed more of a division in the dynamic between men and women in the black communities. Men have been doing more criticizing than congratulating the brotha on doing what he wanted to do with his queen. I’ve seen women publicly criticize the men they’ve dated for not being a “real man” like Alfred. I’ve also seen women criticize the new bride for waiting nine years.

I need y’all to cut it……..

Fellahs…don’t judge a brotha for leveling up on what you haven’t had the courage to do.

Ladies…Stop comparing your significant others (past & present) to a dude you don’t even know. A healthy relationship requires a 50/50 partnership, so stop judging like it’s ALL their fault you’re single and struggling.

The story of the Duncans reveals the problem we have and that’s the huge ass gap between men and women that need to be bridged. There’s also an obvious need for better understanding and communication when it comes to love and relationships.

Let’s stop judging and commend this couple for sharing their beautiful love story, and we should definitely commend Alfred for stepping up and showing the world the love he has for his woman.

love

If we want true love, we have to be responsible for our emotions.

It has taken me a long time to realize that. Being emotionally responsible brings a certain level of balance in a relationship. When we’re responsible emotionally, we see things more clearly. We recognize what we truly want and in the midst of creating that balance, we make ourselves and our partner aware of the importance of not making permanent decisions off of what could be temporary feelings. That’s definitely an act of emotional irresponsibility. When we enter a relationship, chances are we will experience feelings of gratitude towards our partner, without fully getting to know who our partner truly is. Emotional responsibility prevents you from acting on emotions and forces you to see things for what it could really be.

Patience is the key ingredient to practicing emotional responsibility and a surefire way to land you the true love you deserve.

Like part of 1 Corinthians 13:4 say, “Love is patient”.

Being emotionally irresponsible makes you impatient and that’s not a good look.  Impatience is a reflection of desperation and anxiety.

The next time you meet someone and you feel things are going to another level, I’d encourage you to inhale and exhale deeply, take your time, and think/act with your mind…not with your heart. Be emotionally responsible and see how far that will take you. True love awaits you but will only reveal itself to you when you can prove handling a mature relationship and keep you emotions in check while doing so.

Don’t rush…don’t react on impulse….take things slow…and get to know the person who’s captured your heart. finding out who your partner is from the inside out is very necessary if you want your relationship to be long term.

This isn’t about being super cocky or downright conceited. In fact, being your own cheerleader has absolutely nothing to do with vanity, but everything to do with elevating your confidence and self-esteem. We all need a little encouragement whenever we feel doubtful. It’s when that inevitable fear of failure creeps in is when we need to push ourselves the most.

Not everyone can cheer as loud as you can, so why not rely on yourself to get motivated? You know how capable you are. You know your strengths, your weaknesses, and your drive. Although, it doesn’t hurt to surround yourself with like-minded people who could help push you to achievement, but knowing that you can beat the odds can without a doubt, enhance the greatness of you.

It’s time for you to highlight the best things about you!

Use your shortcomings as motivation to become better by pushing yourself to be the best version

of (insert name here).

Get rid of those negative thoughts!

Don’t sell yourself short!

There’s nothing wrong with relying on support from others, but being your own cheerleader guarantees you 100% genuine support that you cannot get from anyone else.

 

 

This piece comes after a very trying day. I swear! I work VERY hard at not giving the devil work to do, but somehow he manages to get overtime on making some of my days unlivable! As a result, I automatically assume the rest of my life will be the same as today.

That is…until I come back to my senses.

When we go through tough days, we have to keep in mind that we have to fight through some of our bad days, so we can experience the best days of our lives. Of course, it’s not easy when external forces make you go out of character…

 

 

At the end of the day (literally), all that matters is that you didn’t let what happened rob you of your peace of mind.

We have to go through a lot to get where we want to be and that includes battling ourselves to live up to others’ potential and struggling to be or do better than the day before. We all navigate through life with ups and downs, fighting our way to our ultimate life goals, yet still uncertain if we’ll get there.  What’s most important is that we don’t let obstacles get in the way and we keep going. Those obstacles include what others do or say to affect your optimistic attitude.

If you’ve had a bad day like I did…remember that there’s always Tomorrow. You’ve got to get up, get on, and get over it…get it all to be strong! Sorry ya’ll…I’ve been on my Tevin Campbell kick heavy lately 😉

 

I’ve been discouraged about many things in my life. In fact, I still struggle with staying encouraged but somehow, my need to become a winner outweighs my wanting to give up.

Life can throw us many curveballs, taking us out the game. But as long as we refuse to lose, we will find a way to stay in the game and WIN. There’s nothing standing between us but ourselves and opportunity. This is when we have to step out of our own way to make things happen.

There are a few major factors that make us become discouraged from whatever we want to accomplish:

Being content in your comfort zone

Downplaying your awesomeness

Thinking negative thoughts

Not living in the “now”

When we get rid of those self-detrimental patterns, we become fully aware of our determination to want better and to be better. We’ll realize that we have been in our own way to achieve greatness because we’re too afraid to try. It’s okay to become discouraged…as long as you acknowledge what’s holding you back, and you’re doing everything in your power to release yourself from it.

You owe yourself that.

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