When we’re getting over a break-up, we usually consider it one of the worst things that could happen. Getting over someone who you’ve invested your time and heart in is like getting over the death of a loved one. The bad thing is you’re no longer a couple, which you believed you guys would be forever.

Two good things about the break-up?

Death is not involved, so you can still curse them out until your heart’s content…and the doozy…..it could be the catalyst for change that your spirit need. We don’t often pay attention to the good that can come out of a break-up and one of those goods is the chance for self-preparation. Self-preparation requires awareness, creating space for opportunities, emotional and spiritual growth, and acknowledging what your ex has subconsciously taught you.

Your ex has actually taught you many things, including what you deserve and what you’re worthy of. If you are the one that has caused the break-up, consider that you’ve made mistakes and you could learn to not repeat them in your next relationship. We’re all human, so we will fuck up. What matters is that we acknowledge them, make peace with them, learn from them, and move on. Not only have you been given the chance to be freed from a person who was obviously not right for you, but you’ll discover more about yourself that you may not have discovered if you were still with that person. Consider your break-up a blessing in disguise!

Your ex has prepared you for your next, meaning you have gone through the worst in your past relationship to end up with the best relationship you’ll ever have. Your break-up gives you the opportunity to grow, figure out what you really want and heighten the confidence and self-love that you’ve lost while in your toxic relationship. As a result, you become your own lesson’s project when you meet your future mate. Your break-up also gives you the opportunity to create a space for one who deserves to occupy it. That person will instill the lessons that you’ve shared and utilize them for the sake of a healthier relationship.

We all go through trials and errors in life and a break-up is no exception. However, remember that a break-up doesn’t have to break you down. Take the good out of it, learn from it, utilize the time as a single person for your benefit, and when the time comes when you’re ready for your next relationship, you’ll have even more to offer than before.

It’s never good to force a committed relationship because you’re setting up your own heart to be broken during the process. No one wants to be forced to do anything they’re not ready for, no matter how much they care about you.

Sometimes, we forget to appreciate the nature of the relationship at its’ current state, because we’re too focused on exclusivity. These 4 reasons are reminders of why it’s important to stay single, rather than forcing a commitment.

 

Delaying exclusivity gives you more time to know who you’re dealing with

Folks are on their best behavior in the beginning of a new relationship, because the need to continually impress their mate solidifies any doubts their mates might’ve had about them. That’s what we like to call “the honeymoon phase”. Folks start to show their true colors after the honeymoon phase fades away. You’ll know who you’re truly dealing with at that point.

 

A true mate likes to take their time

Only a mate who is dedicated to learning all about you and wanting to keep you happy is someone who truly cares about a potential relationship with you. These folks are emotionally healthy and capable of being a great spouse in the future. Don’t get quickly caught up in your feelings at the first sign of attention, flirting, etc., because you’ll be blinded from the possible reality that (s)he’s not that into you, as you are of him/her.

 

Recognize your true fear before jumping into a relationship

Why rush into a committed relationship?

Why can’t you just enjoy the moment with your mate for what it is?

Is it because you’re acting out of fear of being alone?

If you feel like you have to push your mate into a committed relationship, you don’t need to be in one. There’s a deep-rooted issue that making you focus too much on not repeating the past and becoming too anxious about the future. Just enjoy the NOW!

 

Appreciate what’s going on between you now

The joys of appreciating what you two currently have is not being bothered by the pressures of being committed. When you focus less on being exclusive, you give yourself a chance to have fun with this person. You also get to experience emotional freedom and acceptance with how things are going.

Moving on after a painful breakup can be difficult, but we all know that with time, you’ll feel better enough to accept what’s happened and be at peace. That’s why it’s especially important to take care of your mind, body, and soul between relationships. You’d want to be completely healed and emotionally responsible enough to be in another serious relationship before you start the next one. Some of us make the biggest mistake of doing the opposite and as a result, we end of in many situationships. Here are 8 ways to get your mind right before you meet your next “Boo”!

Don’t be afraid to go through the pain of your breakup~ Cry, throw things, yell, scream, vent, do whatever you can to let all of your emotions go! Nothing makes you feel worse than pretending you’re not badly hurt, only for you to burst from the pressure of trying to hide it.
Work on a personal goal and achieve it~ Accomplishing something you’ve always wanted to do somehow makes you feel brand new. Completing a goal also makes you feel good about yourself. The task of completing a goal also keeps your mind off other things, as well. Stay busy and complete a few goals!
Writing is therapy~ As a writer, I can vouch for this one. Writing your thoughts in a journal (manual or online) helps releases the negativity in your mind and in your heart. As days. weeks, or even months go by and you’re still writing, you may notice a significant change in your writing style which symbolizes a woman who is experiencing peace within herself.
Learn from your mistakes~ Don’t beat yourself over the decisions you’ve made i your past. Instead, learn from the mistakes created from those decisions and focus on what you can do differently.
Find out what you really want~Do you want companionship, a friend with benefits, or a committed mate that you can build true love with? These questions to yourself are pertinent to refining your needs and/or desires. These questions can also guide you to the right mate for you.
Get in touch with the person you were before you met your partner~ When we get involved with someone, we somehow lose ourselves in the process. While loving him/her, we tend to forget to love ourselves. Get in touch with who you were before you both met while implementing the lessons you’ve learned as you move forward as a single person.
Have gratitude~ Every loss is a painful reminder of what you could have or should have done differently, but it’s also a beautiful reminder that you can always evolve as a person. Use the losses as a stepping stone to greater things in your life. For every loss, there are tons of blessings around the corner. Be patient.
Show off your inner radiance~You’ll attract the person who can see it; the person who’s meant for you.

 

Brandy was a recent guest host on The Real Daytime talk show and opened up about why she prefers to stay single during a chat on the topic of marriage. After a faux marriage to her daughter’s father that went south and a failed engagement, the 36-year-old mother and star of her new B.E.T show Zoe Ever After, says…she’s good!

 

Brandy: I don’t [want marriage]. I don’t want to go down that road.

Jeannie: You know you don’t want to [get married]?

Brandy: I know I don’t want to. Yes.

Loni: People don’t want to believe it. They’re like, “No, you want love.” And I’m like, “I didn’t say I don’t want love. I didn’t say I didn’t want companionship. I just said I don’t want to get married.”

Brandy: Yeah, I’m good. I like self-love a little bit better right now.

“I’m so satisfied being by myself. I love it. I’ve never taken this much time on myself. I don’t date. I haven’t been on a date in like a year. I don’t know. I just like me right now. I just like the way it feels being by myself and taking care of my daughter and just doing my thing. I’m all about my career right now.”

Watch the video below

 

 

I think it’s a great when you’re aware of yourself and live your truth. Brandy is a prime example of how NOT to live by society’s standards and be happy with life, as is. She appears to be at peace with her decision to not ever marry and she definitely shouldn’t feel bad about it.

 

My thoughts:

I’ve always said that the societal pressures to be married can be brutal for those of us women who were conditioned to believe we have to be married by a certain age. In my humble opinion, that contributes to a lot of failed relationships. Marriage is a big step and although the idea of marriage is wonderful, we have to remember that staying in a marriage is hard work. Married couples that I know can tell you that it’s not all peaches and cream.

Another thing to consider is to marry when YOU BOTH are ready. Not because everyone says you should or feel it’s the right thing to do.

Like Brandy, a lot of women doesn’t want to get married at all…and that’s okay!

Why? because like men…we have the right to that option. There’s nothing on this earth that mandates a marital requirement for women, but somehow, women who choose not to get married are looked at as if there should be.

Women learn to love themselves better when they’re single.Perhaps, a woman is taking the time to get to know herself, learn herself, and love herself before jumping the broom. Perhaps, a woman doesn’t want to be obligated to a man and is totally fine with being single. Either way, a woman who doesn’t want to get married is a smart woman who chooses to live at peace by her own choice…and not the choice of those around her.

Besides…it’s better to be alone and single than to be alone in a marriage. think about it!

It’s been over a year and you and your man has been kickin’ it. It’s just enough for you to consider the idea of you two being in a relationship because you fell in love with him and you think he’s the perfect guy for you. You don’t need any other man in your life because you’ve found “the one”. It’s a beautiful thing when someone gives their all to only one person. However, there’s an issue that’s arisen and actually has six months into the relationship. The issue is neither one of you have discussed being committed to one another.

Guys who are not looking to commit to a woman will do the biggest trick in the book by doing just enough to make you think y’all are a real couple without saying y’all are a real couple.

Why?

Because when things go south, he can easily say that he didn’t cheat because y’all were never committed to one another.

You’ve become bamboozled by the quality time, the dates, the plane trips, and the dick so much, you’ve never taken into consideration that you are still an option. You hoped the few discussions y’all have had about “keeping things 100” has resonated with him, but the words you spewed at him went in one ear and out the other.

Why?

He actually kept it 100 since the day y’all have met. You were just too in love to see things for what it really was. You’ve yearned for the attention you were getting from him and because of the attention you were finally getting, you focused on nothing else but the idea of being together officially. You’ve assumed the few talks about taking things further would motivate him enough to give you a title as his girlfriend he is committed to.

You’ve developed the idea of being committed, even after catching him being messy a few times.

Why?

Because for you, getting him to say “I’m yours, and you’re mine” is a challenge for you that you’re willing to take. You’re subconsciously in competition with another chick or two, which makes you feel more in love with him. It doesn’t make sense… but it makes sense. You’re trying to prove to him that despite his setbacks with a few other chicks, you’re willing to turn the other cheek and fight for all of his attention and his love…because you’re in love with him. As a result, you continue to wait….and wait….and wait, until he claims you. According to your biological clock and the fact that you’re getting older, he’s doing everything right. You just want him to claim you as you have of him already.

Distinguishing the difference between what you want and what you need is important. You want a committed relationship and that’s okay. What’s not okay is waiting around for him to change his mind. While he’s exploring his options, you’re sitting around, treating him as your priority. Keep in mind that you could be blocking your true blessing of a man who has surpassed you with a few chapters from the same book and wants what you want, while you’re waiting for your guy to join you on the same page.  It’s not fair to neither one of you.

Think about that the next time you suggest to him about keeping things “100“.

 

 

Image by Devin Trent Photography

 

As a single woman, I’ve told myself plenty of times that being single isn’t and shouldn’t be a problem, but sometimes I “back peddle”. My thoughts shift every time my birthday comes around. It’s the anxiety that creeps up when that little voice whispers, Bish, you’re getting old! As a result, I become disappointed that at my age, I’m still “figuring things out”.  There’s nothing wrong with that and taking the free time as a single person to grow mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. But, I sometimes  feel the older we get, the more difficult self-discovery can be.

I’ve struggled with relationships for over twenty years. That’s enough to make any single person give up on dating, as I have. I have exhausted all possibilities of having a fruitful, genuine, and loving relationship because it’s seemingly not meant for me to have. I know what I’ve said in 6 Ways To Mend a Broken Heart. Remember, I told you I “back peddle”. That usually happens after every attempt to find love whenever I feel “open” enough to look for it.

I know, I know! Trying to find love will never work! I understand that finding love within ourselves is more important because it allows us to identify our true needs before we enter a relationship. I know I’ve failed at finding love because it’s what I look for in every man (who I see potential in)  I encounter. I have a habit of becoming infatuated with a guy’s potential, not realizing that he could possibly not live up to it. I also have a habit of having my mind set on having a relationship when I encounter men with potential and that’s a disaster from the start.

The funny thing is I’m clear on what my patterned problem is. The question is how can I break it?

I seem to always have it under control until a guy shows what appears to be genuine interest. Men use slickish ways to make us feel desired and wanted. However, there’s a difference between being wanted and being valued. I’ve learned that guys only value women they see having long-term relations with. This is what my experiences with them have taught me.

Now, I have to get down to the nitty-gritty when it comes to embracing Singlehood and using the free time as a single woman to not only figure out what I truly need but also get my priorities in order. I’m learning to embrace Singlehood because it gives me time; time to adjust, time to heal, time to grow, time to acknowledge, time to feel, time to deal, time to time to plan, time to enjoy, time to evaluate, time to think, time to manifest, and time to find love within myself. Knowing that I don’t need to feel whole from a man’s love because I have love of self guarantees that I’m on the right track.

Are you struggling with being single or do you embrace it?

 

As a single person, I dread two questions that I’m asked on occasion…
“Why aren’t I married, yet?
Or
“Why am I still single?”

I’d like to know why society thinks they can determine what’s right or wrong about my life.
Apparently, being single is something I’m NOT supposed to be, but If you REALLY want to know why I’m single…it’s simply not my time, yet.
Folks use the word “single” with a negative connotation to it, when it really is just a way of life. It’s also the way to be for some of us, who are accustomed to making bad choices in romantic partners. Singlehood gives us the ability to discover what we really want in a relationship, what we deserve, what we don’t deserve, and what we’re worthy of. Singlehood gives us the freedom to be who we are, accept who we are, and set boundaries. Being single gives us the time we need to clear our minds and heal our hearts.
“Single” is not a disease we catch on the street!
The stereotype of single women disturbs me. Society’s perception of a single woman is that we’re either promiscuous or crazy. There’s definitely a double standard there because the single guys are rarely perceived that way.
Being single does not mean that I cannot find a man, it simply means that I care more about my well-being. Being single gives me the opportunity to invest in myself, so when I do get into a relationship, I’m emotionally and mentally responsible enough to be in one. Being single gives us the freedom to empower ourselves as an individual. Lastly, being single doesn’t mean we don’t know HOW to love, but we care enough about ourselves to wait for it. That’s when God will send that special person our way.