We all know at least two people who will tell you they don’t mind being single even if they are for the rest of their lives. Not only are they lying to you, but they are in complete denial and bullshittin’ themselves.

Everyone wants love…everyone needs love….everyone wants to eventually get caught up & do that forever happily ever after relationship, wedding vows and all. There’s no logical reason for anyone wanting to stay single. I can understand wanting to be single for the moment.

Maybe you’ve just ended a relationship and need time to heal

I get that…

but those artificial reasons are wack.

I like the freedom to do anything I want to do.

I like my options

I don’t have time to be in a relationship.

Those excuses are all masks to cover up how you really feel. You don’t want to let your guard down and let love in, so you use the “I’m Good” mentality as a¬†defense mechanism. There’s always some underlying fear of commitment for various reasons, but for the most part..you’re scared. You want to be in a relationship…you just don’t want to get hurt. If men and women value relationships like they should, they’d understand that freedom as well as space are essential ingredients for a healthy loving relationship. Even a couple deeply in love doesn’t want to be in each other’s face all the time. That’s relationship killer potential! Giving each other some space and freedom between cuddling and sucking face is guaranteed to keep the relationship spicy.

Men and women deal with this “I’m good” mentality differently. Women become dishonest with themselves the moment their guy proves he’s not ready for a commitment. For example, if a guy actually tells you that he won’t get mad if you see other guys, he’s telling you that he’s going to see other women. However, you my luv, will act like what he told you didn’t bother you (or practice selective hearing). You pretend “you’re good” out of fear of getting rejected, so you play along. Men see right through that and will use it to their full advantage. Men, however, will keep their options open with insecure women who don’t know any better. The ones who will use their vagina as bait for months to hold on to men who they’re uncertain loves them. He’ll continue to use them until the right one puts her foot down and demands what she wants. He’ll use that “I’m good” excuse until SHE comes along.

Not having time to be in a relationship is complete bullshit. If you can make time getting to know someone, have sex, and do relationship-type things to keep their attention, then you have time to be in a relationship.

It’s all about being honest with yourself. Your dude or lady will probably respect you more if you are honest about wanting a relationship from the beginning. Get rid of the fear of getting used or hurt. Everybody has at some point in their lives. It’s all about who you feel is worth the sacrifice of your heart and trusting the process.

Give it a chance. You may actually become pleasantly surprised at the outcome ūüôā

For those who don’t understand the term “friends with benefits”, it’s basically an agreement from both individuals to have a sexual relationship without any emotional ties or commitment; sex with no strings attached. While it may make you and your partner feel like liberating sexual beasts, there are consequences to consider. Not only are there lines being crossed, but the words “friend” went out the window, the moment the penis¬†entered the vagina. That feeling of being a liberating sexual beast won’t last.

If you’re a FWB, have you ever considered the fact that you’re not allowed to develop feelings? No relationship…no emotions…just SEX! That’s the three golden rules that don’t apply to everyone because it’s fuckin impossible!¬†FWB relationships give¬†you a sense of connection and significance, but it also gives a false sense of “getting your needs met”. Sure, you’re getting sex, but you’re using sex to hide true feelings that you’re scared to reveal for whatever reason and that leads to frustration, making that connection between you two short-lived. The more you try to deny your feelings, the more frustrating you become and as a result, you’re hurt.

I want to know how FWB draw the line between sharing and not being vulnerable when sex is one of the most vulnerable acts of mankind! Will there be times after having sex for the first time where you’ll feel like doing “bestie” things with no sex? ¬†Do you both expect to end up in bed every time y’all ¬†hang out? How does it all work?

One thing’s for sure…someone is bound to fall for the other and it’s usually the woman. Why?…men can naturally have sex without emotions, so it’s easy breezy for them.

This leads me to a few questions…

Does the woman expect that sex will deepen the bond between her and her “friend”? Did she always have feelings for him and never expressed it? It’s possible! What happens when you discover your partner gets into a relationship with someone else? Don’t think it’ll be easy to turn off your feelings like a light switch. Us women carry what you call Oxytocin, a chemical reaction that ignites after sex. We feel happy, relaxed, and feel a deeper connection to our partner. So to consciously decide that you will not develop emotions for your FWB will confuse the hell out of you, and it could also damage your self-esteem.

 

Getting involved in a FWB type of relationship is risky. You’ll have to know what to expect and what not to expect. One of the consequences to consider is the possibility of you losing your friend. No one expects that to happen because the focus is to get the needs met. You chose each other as a FWB¬†because you provide comfort for each other. Because you guys are friends, you know each other’s wants and needs. Even the topics you both discuss are candid, because you both confide in each other. They say people in ¬†good relationships starts off as friends.

Let that marinate

 

Honestly, the effort you put into trying to justify being a Friend with Benefits, you could apply that same effort into building a genuine and committed relationship.

Why don’t you guys just be committed?

Better yet….

Does your friend¬†partner think you’re worth a committed relationship?

Do YOU think you’re worth it?

I think I can vouch for all women reading this when I say when we get something so good, we lose the good sense that we have when we try to hold on to it! Especially when it comes to penis.

I’m not just talking about that “good for the moment”, “can do without”, mediocre type of penis. The kind of penis I’m describing is the kind that unravels all five of your senses during intercourse. The kind of penis I’m talking about makes us do or say things we wouldn’t normally do. The kind of penis I’m talking about is the kind that our bodies yearn for…like an addict taking one last good hit before detox. Unfortunately, our bodies are sometimes responsible for our toxic behavior, because we choose to satisfy our physical needs before our emotional needs. When that penis is attached to a toxic guy, the emotional damages we cause ourselves as women can have long-lasting effects.

Our bodies is in a constant battle with our minds. We know good and gotdamn well we need to leave that toxic guy alone, but we can’t. We can’t because we choose not to.

Your body reminds you with the question…who’s going to make love to you the way that he does?

Your mind replies with….but you deserve to be treated so much better.

Your body responds with….He makes me feel better when I’m with him. He makes me feel whole.

Your mind replies with….but you don’t need a man to make you feel whole or complete.

 

We don’t often recognize our subconscious fear of being single. As a result, we use the back-breaking sex as the¬†reason for holding onto an unhealthy relationship. A woman with this kind of struggle between her body and her mind is what we like to call “dickmitized”.

Babygirl is hypnotized by the dick and she doesn’t want to lose it for all the wrong reasons. Most importantly, she doesn’t want to lose that “good good” to another woman. It’s that inevitable circumstance that leaves a woman in emotional shambles.

Why?

She’s lost herself.

In her gullible mind, a man who fucks her that good MUST be in love with her.

She’s convinced herself that she could help him change his messy ways.

She’s devaluing her worth every time he enters her, knowing he’s gonna be messy the next day.

 

One good stroke will make an intelligent woman dumb down for love. She’s oblivious to the fact that sex is giving her a false sense of security and a false sense of belonging.

 

Truth be told…sex should never be the reason why a woman would accept disrespectful behavior from a man who is supposed to love her. Besides, a man won’t change his messy ways if he thinks he’s being clean. One thing’s for certain, two things for sure…he knows he’s clever. Clever enough to keep screwing your insides out during “make up” sex, because he knows you aren’t going anywhere.

The sad part about all of this is a lot of us use love as an excuse.

Love has nothing to do with your apparent¬†dickmitization. Your actions scream¬†WEAK. Dude smells your weakness miles away and that’s why he does what he do.

 

I need my ladies who are being dickmitized to stop dumbing themselves down for men who obviously low-key care about you. Stop equating sex with love and realize that a grown man shouldn’t have to be reminded daily to act right. We let our bodies control us so much, ¬†that we don’t realize how much we’re willing to tolerate because we don’t want to be alone.

Please understand that dude is not the only fish in the sea.

Please understand that the more special you think you are, the more basic you become.

Get off the dick, find your self-esteem, and wait on the true love that you deserve.

 

 

 

In a video for the Viceland show “Party Legends”, former Chicago Bulls player, Dennis Rodman, share graphic memories about breaking his penis on three different occasions!¬†Watch this hilarious video below!

WARNING: EXPLICIT DETAILS

Why dude even thought running full speed ahead into some vag that way was a good idea is beyond baffling! All three of those incidents are good ideas if he’s on drugs or just drunk A F!!!!

D Rod¬†is crazy…I’ve been convinced.

It’s a common problem, particularly for the women, to over-emphasize the chemistry she has with a man based off their sexual relationship. It’s unfortunate that we don’t often recognize what we’re doing until we’ve already given the goodies. There are a few important things to consider when you’re sexually involved with someone. A few things that we tend to overlook.

Number 1: If the person you’re sexin’ is someone you can’t or won’t call during an emergency, you have no business having sex with this person.

Number 2: If you two cannot hold a decent conversation outside the bedroom, you have no business having sex with this person.

Number 3: If quality time with this person is limited and all you do is screw during that limited amount of time, then you have no business having sex with that person.

Number 4: If the only time you both get along is during sexual intercourse, then you have no business having sex with this person.

Let’s face it!

The only thing you two have in common is SEX. Nothing more…nothing less. What some of you fail to realize is that you mistake sex, especially good sex, for a “strong connection” or “chemistry”. Come on, ladies! You’re smart enough to distinguish the difference between sex and love. How great the sex is shouldn’t equate to how strong the connection is and it certainly doesn’t equate to love.

The REAL question is…does he even consider you a friend?

For most women, sex creates an emotional bond. By the time a man initially penetrates the woman, she will instantly feel some sort of connection. The truth is…there’s no connection….It’s just sex. If you cannot stimulate each other mentally, find balance with each other, or basically cannot add any kind of value to each other’s lives, then consider yourselves as “fuck buddies”.

As a person who crave more, you have to know that it takes more than what you can do between the sheets. It starts with how you see yourself. If you keep giving him pu$$y with nothing else to offer, then that’s exactly what he’ll see you as…pu$$y.

You’re more than that. Dig deep within yourself and find your true value. You have so much more to offer, but you’ll never know what that is if you’re giving more than what you have.

 

 

The dehydration is real in these internet streets

As an active social media user, I’ve seen my fair share of MEN who post,¬†at least, one ‘thirst trap’ a day.

What is a ‘thirst trap’, you ask?

Basically, it’s any image or statement posted to receive attention or to seek validation from others. The image could be of the person who is half-naked, and the statement could come off as if the person is auctioning off their heart, or even sex organ, to the highest bidder of the opposite sex with the best reaction. People, in general, would consider this behavior as something only a woman would do, but chile’, let me tell you! If I was given a dollar for every screenshot opportunity, I’d be rich!

thegame

From “Average Joe” the Facebook friend to public figures, it seems¬†like men these days are just as needy for validation as some of our ladies, if not MORE needy. Social media have definitely unleashed a new breed of men who thinks that posting numerous videos of themselves working out with no shirt on, with his chest freshly coated with baby oil is a great way to network. We already know you’re cut up, so cut it out! Unless you’re a fitness trainer promoting your stuff, I don’t see the point, other than to see how many likes you’ll get from your fan base.

OR…how about those guys who makes it his mission to post images of his material possessions, failing to realize he’s overcompensating for something he’s lacking in?

OR…how about those guys who posts status updates, which obviously screams loneliness and proves he need a woman?

toosexy

 

You guys’ peculiar ways of showing the world that you’re good-looking and boyfriend material is a BIG RED INSECURITY FLAG. Trust me when I say the right woman will already see that way beyond what you post on social media. If you have a great personality, you’re already #winning.

black-man-drink-e1427386294376

Public figures, on the other hand, will use their bodies in particular to promote their work, so I’ll give a FEW of them the benefit of the doubt. The rest simply get swelled heads every time a fan expresses their “appreciation”. They ALL love the attention.

Overall, posting attention-seeking messages and images for the obvious reason is not a good look. To a lot of us, we’ll think you’re either lonely or you’re just an extreme narcissist.

 

Someone using their sexy to provoke the opposite sex is like fishing for the biggest fish to fry, but be careful because you can also attract sharks. Not all attention is good attention. Crazy come in all ages, sexes and races.

Before you post your next “workout” video with your oily chest, your car, or a status update confessing why a woman would be lucky to have you, ask yourself who you’re really trying to convince. Your fan base or yourself?

 

I targeted my women readers with one of my most popular posts, He Doesn’t Want You, But You Still Sleep With Him, and was praised for giving the cold-hard truth! I dig that my ladies dig my brutal honesty. I’ve been “that lady” before, so it was a pleasure to share my thoughts in hopes my ladies gained clarity and self-worth! I don’t want to leave out my men readers, so I feel compelled to share what I think about the whole “non-relationship/relationship-type” involvement with the ladies in your lives without properly addressing the fact that you’re not giving her no more than some dick and a trip to Miami.

My guys…you all have every right to have options. I would never knock y’all ¬†for that. The problem I have is¬†that you’re making your lady think she’s a priority and the only one, and that’s where you lose cool points. There are sooooo many women out here who believe that they are “special” and the only one you’re giving attention to. They’ll eventually believe they are in a committed relationship because you choose the right words to say while mind-fucking her with everything she wants to hear.

I get it….

When you deal with a woman who practices loyalty to you, you’re going to do just enough to keep her around. You’ll even go as far as letting your parents meet her. Honestly, parents never count; Because you’re a great son, they’ll support your ho-tactics and never speak of your other women you’ve had at the house. You’re so good at your scam of a relationship, she totally bypasses ¬†the fact that you didn’t give her a title. She “feels” committed based off your actions and naturally so. However, You have yet to give her a title or a commitment, because a “non-titled” relationship gives you the freedom to come and go. That’s the epitome of a selfish person.

This woman is obviously in love with you and if you care about her like you pretend to, you’d be honest with her. You owe her that much. The worst that could happen is you being every kind of asshole followed by endless tears, but why does that matter when you can hit up your options across town, right? (sarcasm)

A lady would respect you more if you are honest from the beginning. No leaving out stuff you should’ve told her and no “half truths”. EVERYTHING. I understand that a pretty face and a phat ass can be distracting. Somehow, those assets will make¬†a guy, who had every intention in being honest, into a guy who allowed his penis to think for him.

You are using this woman’s love for you to feed your ego like coins to a meter. Eventually, she’ll have not a drop of love left to offer herself and that’s exactly where you want her. The more of a priority you are to her,¬†the more susceptible she is to be manipulated.

She’s mentally planning y’all wedding, even down to the “first song”.

Meanwhile,¬†you’re across town inside “Michelle’s” vaginal walls.

You have a responsibility to make things right. The longer you allow her to believe you’re committed to her, the more painful it’ll be for her when she finds out. What can you possibly gain by leading her on and letting her think you both are on the same page? If the shoe was on the other foot, how would you feel? It’s very noble of her to remain faithful to you, so I could understand why you appreciate her. BUT…if her¬†vagina and her love for you doesn’t curve your appetite for optional p%$$y, then you need to make that known.

Do what’s right and give her a choice.

Scandal fans cheered for Olivia Pope’s announcement to the world that she is Fitz’s side chick on a recent episode. She gets a pass on television, but if this was real life, there would be so much criticism and backlash that homegirl would have to move out of the country.

Keri Washington’s character did it all out of love. ¬†“Olivia’s” words to President Fitz as she publicly humiliates herself for her man were “Watch me choose you!”

I wanted to be “here for Liv” but my echoing thought, Olivia is dumb as hell,¬†exuded my common sense and side eye during that scene.

It made me think of all the “Olivia Popes” in the real world. Not necessarily all black women in a position of power but figuratively. Under normal circumstances, we would look at willing side chicks as women who are in desperate need of some self-esteem. Why do women allow themselves to be treated as an option?I want to know how their brains come up with the thought that their man could possibly be MORE of a man if he leaves his wife, kids, two dogs AND the cat to be with her.

 

In their most gullible and silly ways, willing side chicks will always be “faithful” because they don’t want to cheat on another woman’s man.

At some point, the side chick has to realize that she deserves her own man who will treat her like a priority. BUT if a side chick doesn’t think she’s worthy of her own man, neither will the dude she’s having the affair with. He doesn’t care about nothing but fulfilling the needs his wife or “main chick” can’t do for him.

To be a side chick unknowingly is one thing. You could think your boo thang is only seeing you until you find out proof, then you cut him off. Kudos to you! But to those side chicks that stick around afterwards or worse…already knew he was married or involved says a lot about how you feel about yourself and that’s not much.

Side chicks can’t grasp the fact that when they start relationships as the other woman, they will never be the only woman. As long as the main chick has a ring and official marriage license, she will always come first. Do you always want to be a second thought to a man who is supposed to care about you?

We all know that cheating and side chicks can be glorified by Hollywood for entertainment purposes, but that’s what makes for good ass drama! We cheer for Olivia¬†because she deserves love, right? Well, so does “Mellie”, the First Lady. ¬†She deserves not only love but respect, which she’s clearly not getting. “Olivia” needs to respect herself in order to get the kind of love she truly deserves.

The same applies to all the “Olivia Popes” outside of television land. No matter your background, race, or age, allowing yourself to be a man’s option should never even be a thought.

 

It’s unfortunate that every other woman we know may have never experienced an orgasm. It’s one of those delicate situations that should be demanded, but many women choose not to be verbal about it for fear of hurting their man’s pride.

Before I go further, let’s break down the technical term for orgasm.

Anorgasmia: The inability to reach orgasm; There are three levels.

Primary (the woman has never been able to reach an orgasm by any means)

Secondary (an orgasm was experienced at some point in the past). It may also be global (orgasm is not experienced

Situational (orgasm may be experienced in certain sexual situations. For example, some women can only experience an orgasm through oral sex.)

As far as your partner, if he really cares (…and I’m pretty sure he would, he will go all out to make sure you achieve the biggest O possible. Men naturally want to take care of their woman sexually, so offending him should be the least of your worries, unless he’s really insecure.

For women who have never achieved an orgasm, I assume the myths behind orgasm deficit can really be a pain in the ass for some. I’ve heard and read myths that include women being frigid or emotionally unstable.¬†I’ve also heard that if a woman cannot reach orgasm, then her partner is not a skillful lover. All of these myths are exactly what they are and couldn’t be further from the truth!

Here are a few factors:

The woman may have never taken the time to learn what type of stimulation she needs to fulfill her orgasmic desires.

A woman is responsible for her own sexual pleasure. However, that doesn’t mean her partner doesn’t have to be involved in helping her achieve the big O. This is where proper communication comes into play.

How a woman reaches an orgasm has nothing to do with her mental or emotional stability.

Only about a third of women experience orgasm regularly during intercourse. A third of women can reach orgasm with intercourse but need extra stimulation.

Okay, here’s the fun part. Learning what to do to achieve the big O!

Stay aroused after he ejaculates– It’s such a bummer when he’s done¬†because you’re still aroused at this point. Here’s when not being “shy” is important. Suggest to your partner that you need to stay aroused. He can use his hands or his mouth…or BOTH!

Relax and don’t concentrate too hard- Nothing takes the enjoyment of sex away like thinking too much about achieving an O. Just focus on the act.

Communicate– Again…I can’t stress enough that talking things out are vital for your orgasmic needs.

 

Hope this helps my orgasmic deficit friends. Go have some sex & tell me how things went! ūüôā

Check this…

 

You’re a person who’s full of life, content with how things are, but wants to experience being in love.

You meet someone

This person seems pleasant

Nice-looking…dresses well…

You both engage in an intelligent conversation which is a major turn-on for you

You exchange numbers

After several weeks of phone conversations and texts, you find out this person’s likes, dislikes, and you’re pleasantly surprised that the general interests are similar.

You dig this person A LOT

So much so, that you agree to go on a date

During your date, you sense this person’s need to want to be in a loving relationship just as much as you do.

You wonder why this person struggles to find love…just like you do

This person seems to have it all

This person expresses being hurt in the past

You immediately draw a connection with this person, because you’ve been hurt in the past, too.

You sense the bitterness, but also the eagerness to find love…just like you do.

You feel like you’ve reached a deeper emotional¬†level with this person so much, you decide to have sex two dates later.

After sex, you sense this person becoming distant

Calls and texts went from everyday to twice a week

This person’s been “busy”. So busy that communication stops altogether

Now you are disappointed, hurt, and bitter.

 

The same bitterness this person felt is now the bitterness you feel. When you guys met, you were feeling on top of the world!

 

The scenario above is an example of how energy can be transferred sexually. We have to be mindful that when we have sex, we are exchanging energies with our partner. We are creating soul ties with our partners and that’s a connection that will stay with us until we take our last breath. What happened in the scenario I gave can easily happen to any of us. Any emotional baggage someone carries will be transferred through you, leaving you to absorb everything they’re carrying.

We absorb their bitterness, pain, disappointment, guilt, and anger from past relationships. Once those energies are released from your partner and into you, they become disconnected from you. Hence, the need to stop communication.

I know this is deep y’all but think about it. It all makes sense why quite a few relationships don’t make it in this day in age. ¬†It’s proof that what looks good on the outside may not be all that good on the inside. This person could have a body of a GAWD(ESS), a face of a supermodel, and a pleasant personality, but if their energy is negative……..man, oh man! That pleasant personality only masks what’s in this person’s heart.

 

That’s why it’s important for both men and women to be selective with who they share their bodies with. Our bodies are worth investing in good energies only. We should take the time to get to know a person from the inside/out whole-heartedly before we share a bed with them. We owe ourselves that.

 

 

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