For the longest time, I have battled with my weight, because I believed that I actually had weight to battle. Because of that damn BMI, I was convinced that I was “overweight”. Maybe to doctors, I am. However, I no longer feel like I am, so screw doctors!

If you’ve never heard of Body Mass Index, it’s a person’s weight in kilograms divided by the square of height in meters. Obviously, this index doesn’t take into account the health, flexibility, strength, and muscle mass of a person. It certainly doesn’t pick up on a person’s self-acceptance, confidence, and the ability to look beyond numbers on a scale.

I don’t feel obese, or even overweight for that matter! In fact, I feel beautiful and I embrace every inch of my curves. As long as I continue to eat healthy and work out to the best of my ability, I’m good.

I don’t meet society’s standards of normal weight, but society is not going to tell me I shouldn’t be happy and confident with the skin I’m in because I’m not 5’9″.

This is why people are suffering in silence with an eating disorder, becoming addicted to fat loss surgery, and forming other unhealthy habits that could be destructive to one’s mind, body, and soul.

I say stay off the scales, unless you really want to know how much you weight. Remember… not becoming obsessed with the number on the scale keeps away that inevitable pressure to live up to the standard of others and not your own.

It’s time for us to be REAL with ourselves in a world full of FAKE.

No…I’m not a new mother. My youngest child is 11-years-old. I’m just slim-thick in a short package and have been for some time, and you know what? I plan to stay this way, despite what society says.

Yes…I have thick thighs, a belly, and stretch marks…and YES….I’m STILL feeling myself.

The unrealistic pressure on women these days to get their figures to a certain level annoys me to no end. It’s my belief that not only society, but media also has a lot to do with how it negatively impacts the body image and self-esteem of women and girls.

The depiction of women in media are held by certain beauty standards. As a 160 lb.woman, short in stature, and a woman of color, I can’t relate to most of them. Am I bothered by it all? HELL YES! Will I let it negatively affect how I feel about my body? HELL NO!

Body image is both internal (personal) and external (society)

This includes:

How we perceive our bodies visually
How we feel about our physical appearance
How we think and talk to ourselves about our bodies
Our sense of how other people view our bodies

External forces, including a BMI, should never tell you how to view your body. Society should never make you change how you see your physical appearance. Unless your weight could affect you health wise, I say rock your thickness unapologetically. F*^k what a BMI chart says. F*^k what society says you should look like.

Self-love suppresses lack of confidence and external negative influence.

Love yourself

Image by Nydia Blas

 

Vaginal self-examination is not often discussed while we’re getting martinis with our girlfriends, but it’s a discussion we should have. Checking our honeypot is very necessary! It’s not only a sign of  self-love and self-discovery, but a form of bodily exploration that enables us to understand what our vaginas need. Additionally, Examining our friend helps us to be aware of how she looks down there. We should be able to spot our honeypot in a lineup! Much like a self-breast exam, we should, now and then, check our vajajays!

Examining our honeypot can also help us learn more about our her and what is normal for us. We can check for vaginal sores, abnormal discharge, and it helps us catch possible abnormalities that may need medical attention between gynecological visits.

In no way should self-exams take the place of a pap smear from your gynecologist. Just look at self-vaginal examinations as you helping your doctor helping you keep up a healthy honeypot.

It’s common to see an entertainer transform along with their music. That’s how they keep their ever-changing image up with the times. However, we can’t help but wonder what goes on in the mind of a public figure who gets permanent facial alterations to the point where they become unrecognizable.

As a fan, I used to think that Lil Kim was one of those celebrities who likes to artistically express themselves through their appearance. When her 2nd album dropped, I was surprised by the new look.

lilkimnk

 

The blonde hair, blue eyes, and lighter skin totally threw me off. But then I thought, ‘Well, she is an artist who likes to change her looks. Prince did it, Michael Jackson did it, so why not Kim?’

Then over the next few years, Kim’s appearance became ever-changing, to the point that fans and critics, alike became concerned.

Kim went from here

lilkim

to here…

lilkim2

I think it’s safe to say that this transformation is more than just a unique makeup & lighting technique

 

Lil Kim is the perfect example of an artist who has drastically changed her appearance. While she’s known for “clap-backin'” at folks on social media for expressing that, it’s obvious that it’s more than just Kim keeping up with the times as an artist. She’s Kimberly Jones, a black woman who has allowed self-hatred to manifest inside her spirit.

I don’t know Ms. Jones personally and I’m sure a lot of her fans can say the same thing, but we don’t have to know her personally to know that her ever-changing extreme appearance over the years are signs of lack of self-acceptance.

In a 2000 interview withNewsweek’, Jones was quoted as having low self-esteem caused by experiences with the men in her life. Check out a part of that interview below.

“All my life men have told me I wasn’t pretty enough–even the men I was dating. And I’d be like, ‘Well, why are you with me, then?’ ” She winces. “It’s always been men putting me down just like my dad. To this day when someone says I’m cute, I can’t see it. I don’t see it no matter what anybody says.”

The interview continues…

After Biggie made his deal with Bad Boy Records, she began recording with his Junior M.A.F.I.A. posse, and transforming herself from girl in the ‘hood into blue-eyed blonde.

So what was up with that? According to Kim, just what you’d think. “I have low self-esteem and I always have,” she says. “Guys always cheated on me with women who were European-looking. You know, the long-hair type. Really beautiful women that left me thinking, ‘How I can I compete with that?’ Being a regular black girl wasn’t good enough.” And the implants? “That surgery was the most pain I’ve ever been in my life,” says Kim. “But people made such a big deal about it. White women get them every day. It was to make me look the way I wanted to look. It’s my body.” Read the entire interview here.

 

Struggling with self-acceptance is problematic for ANY woman, but for black women, it’s like fighting a double-edged sword.

In the black communities, we also deal with light skin vs. dark skin and body image, which is unfortunate. I’m convinced that it’s a lot of pressure for black women in the entertainment industry to look a certain way, so Lil Kim is fighting a few double-edged swords, for sure! That includes maintaining her spot in such a male-dominated field!

 

This is an excerpt from one of my earlier blogs that breaks down what I’m trying to convey in this piece

 

As young girls of color growing up in the black communities, the influence of the so-called beauty industry has brainwashed them into thinking they’re not good enough, or pretty enough, or light enough, or dark enough, or skinny enough, or even thick enough. It’s no wonder there are so many horror stories of women becoming disfigured or worse…dying from illegal butt injections, breast implants, etc. Black women are bleaching their skin to make their ebony dark skin lighter, so they can be “prettier”.

That’s why it’s so important to tell our little girls how beautiful they are the moment they come out of the womb. They are a part of a world that is constantly telling then that they aren’t. From the beauty industry to mainstream media, even music and television, they are constantly bombarded with images that will blatantly downplay and disregard Black Beauty. Read entire piece here

 

As a black woman and a fan of Lil Kim, I won’t disrespect her by calling her names, or mocking her looks. I will, in fact, pray for her in hopes that one day, she can fully accept Kimberly Jones for who she was as opposed to how she felt…a beautiful woman. Kimberly,unfortunately, let the men in her lives change her perception about the way she looked. Now, we have rap artist Lil Kim, who has permanently changed herself into the woman who the men in her life desired.

That’s why it’s so important to love how God created us, especially black women.

Society does a good job of trying to undervalue us, so why undervalue ourselves? It’s important that we educate ourselves and our daughters about self-love and self-acceptance regardless of skin color, facial appearance, size, hair type, etc. because one day, they can meet the very person who has enough power to convince them that they aren’t good enough.

We have so many “Kimberlys” in this world and what they face everyday fester when they are constantly exposed to negative imagery and surrounded by people who undermines women who look like them.

 

 

 

This isn’t about being super cocky or downright conceited. In fact, being your own cheerleader has absolutely nothing to do with vanity, but everything to do with elevating your confidence and self-esteem. We all need a little encouragement whenever we feel doubtful. It’s when that inevitable fear of failure creeps in is when we need to push ourselves the most.

Not everyone can cheer as loud as you can, so why not rely on yourself to get motivated? You know how capable you are. You know your strengths, your weaknesses, and your drive. Although, it doesn’t hurt to surround yourself with like-minded people who could help push you to achievement, but knowing that you can beat the odds can without a doubt, enhance the greatness of you.

It’s time for you to highlight the best things about you!

Use your shortcomings as motivation to become better by pushing yourself to be the best version

of (insert name here).

Get rid of those negative thoughts!

Don’t sell yourself short!

There’s nothing wrong with relying on support from others, but being your own cheerleader guarantees you 100% genuine support that you cannot get from anyone else.

 

 

Being in love feels wonderful.

It’s even better when it’s been proven that he/she loves you back!

However, sometimes, there are those of us who has been bitten by the love bug so hard, that it distorts our capability to make ourselves a priority.

In such a cruel world, I know some of us may say that there’s never anything wrong with “loving too much” and you’re right. BUT, when it gets to the point where we lose ourselves in the process, then it could become detrimental. We have to give ourselves the love we need, first and foremost, before we give it all to someone else. Sometimes, we don’t see that we’re pouring gallons of love into his/her cup that we don’t realize how much we’re giving away, leaving none for ourselves…our cups are empty.

How will we feel when the love isn’t reciprocated?

How will we feel when we’re not getting the response or reaction we need?

We begin to feel hopeless, unloved, unsure, and extremely disappointed.

This is where we have to draw the line between persistence and desperation. At some point, we’ll have to realize that we’re giving too much of ourselves and doing so much for a person who has most likely asked for none of it.

How do we fix this?

Leave him/her alone. Leaving them alone is not about giving up, but more about making yourself a priority in your life. Love yourself. Be kind to yourself. You can never go wrong with loving yourself TOO MUCH.

If it’s meant to be, it will be.

If he/she is truly yours, the universe will make a way for the both of you to be together.

If God sees fit, he will bless you.

Until then, learn to stop expecting. Know that it’s okay if you’re rejected. Learn to celebrate, compliment, and honor yourself. The TRUE love of your life will see the beauty in you and see how valuable you are.

Don’t force love. Love will come naturally at the right time and under the right circumstances.

It has taken me a long time to properly love myself.

Most of my adult life, I expected others to take half the responsibility in helping me love myself when in fact, it is 100% my responsibility.

I used the opinions of others as a crutch as long as it was positive.

I needed others approval to be great

I wasn’t completely happy unless I was in a relationship

Comparing myself to other women was a habit

My journey to self-love began when decided that I will no longer accept less than I deserve in all aspects of my life. It came to me when I became sick and tired of being sick and tired. Although, I’m still a work in progress, I can tell you that these eight ways helped improved my love for self, as well as helped me gain more clarity as to who I am and what I really want out of life.

Stop comparing– I’ve realized that ppl receive their blessings during different chapters of their lives. Just because what I desire didn’t happen for me doesn’t mean it never will. I’ve also accepted the fact that if I want better results, I have to work just as hard to see them.

Accept the skin and body that you’re in-The % of my body fat and the color of my skin has no bearing on what kind of person I am. Someone who is worth the love I give myself will see that.

Embrace your uniqueness– I accept that I’m extra sensitive…I embrace it. I accept that I have a lisp…I embrace it. I accept that I’m an introvert…I embrace it. All of the aforementioned makes me who I am. I embrace my uniqueness.

Tell yourself you’re beautiful every morning- When you get out of bed, remember to take a look in the mirror and tell yourself you’re beautiful. The more you tell yourself, the more you’ll believe it. I will do it too 😉

Focus on YOU– Focus on your dreams, your talent, your hard work, and your mission. It’s worked for me thus far. I’ve been so busy with trying to be great, not being “boo’d up” is not as much on my mind as it used to be.

Knowing your love and the love of God is enough– You don’t need the love of a man to validate how important and special you are. When I realized that, I stopped pining for love from a man and started pouring uber amounts of love within myself.

Letting go of the past– Part of my growth and journey to self-love was accepting what I can not change in the past. I use my past to learn instead. Your lessons (past and present) can be your greatest teachers.

Letting go of toxic ppl– When you stop holding on to toxic ppl, you leave room for genuine friendships and even healthier, loving relationships.

 

 

 

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