It’s a question that everyone seems to have a hard time answerin, because a lot of folks think it goes hand in hand. Well…I beg to differ. In my opinion, you can easily separate the two. Think about it!

Definition of love– 1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. 2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, sibling, friend, or significant other.

Definition of Respect-A feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.
Both definitions definitely describe a venerated feeling from one person to another due to admiration. It’s generally the same, but different overall. While I wish I could say that if you’re loved then you’re easily respected, I just can’t. I will take respect over love any day. What trips me out is that some folks will break down love with “unconditional love”. No matter how deep or “unconditional” a person’s love may have for you, that person still needs to respect you twice as much. Respect really goes a long way and if you don’t see that, then I’d have to ask how blinded you can be when it comes to “love”? Would you as a person who is experiencing love even recognize DISrespect if it happens?

 

A prime example of love VS. respect is the broken relationships (particularly marriages). The high divorce rate is staggering in the US, because of husbands/wives stepping out of their marriages and having affairs. Sure! Hubby loves wifey and Vice Versa, but having an affair certainly doesn’t classify as respect. Another example of love/respect…since some of the readers wanna include “unconditional” in the mix…our love for our kids are definitely unconditional….but I pray that they don’t grow to think it’s okay to steal money out of Mommy’s purse. Stealing money out of Mommy’s purse is definitely not respectful, but I won’t stop loving them because of that. Of course, I want my kids to love me unconditionally, but I want respect 10 times much because it shows that they’ll honor me enough to do what is deemed as appropriate and well-mannered. Of course, I want my future boo to love me because I’m fly! 😉 However, respect is better because he will treat me as an equal part of his life and will do everything in his respectful manner to see to it that I’m happy and fulfilled in our relationship.

In case you think I am, no…I am not knocking love. Love is very important in a relationship, especially intimate ones. If the person is worth your love then by all means, LOVE ON! But, don’t forget with love SHOULD come loads of amount of respect for one another. One can NEVER function properly without the other. That goes particularly for those in romantic relationships.

So, when it come down to it, I’m #TeamRespect. Not because I choose not to love or care not to be loved, but I choose to be honored accordingly as the person you see me as…a mom, a friend, a hard worker, and even a lover.

When I ask if you’re exceptional or basic, it has nothing to do with how you live, how much money you have, or what brand labels are in your closet, but it has everything to do with how the man in your life views you.

How a man views you is how is he’ll treat you and it’s up to you, a woman who yearns for respect and honesty in a relationship, to make sure he treats you like you deserve. It starts with growing enough balls to express what you won’t allow and what you desire. However, some of us tend to forget the importance of that and allow our passive aggressiveness to weaken our ability to demand what we want and/or need in a relationship. That’s what basic women do. I can tell you from experiences from women I know and from my own experiences that a lot of men LOVE some basic women!

Why? He knows that under all of that fake tough and demanding exterior, is a woman ready to fall in love. Basic women want to be in a relationship so badly, any amount of attention from him makes her feel like what they have is worth her holding onto, even if he show signs of being messy. He knows that if he show signs of being messy, his basic woman will fake the funk and pretend to leave if he doesn’t shape up. When that man starts to put one foot out the door, his basic woman will suddenly have a change of heart, out of fear of losing him to another woman or being alone. A few weeks or a few months has gone by and at this point, you’re frustrated because it feels like you’re investing a lot more into the relationship than he is. In some cases, this has happened more than once in a relationship that’s at least four months old. I guarantee you that 85% of y’all reading this has experienced a relationship like this, currently in a relationship like this, or know someone who is.

Truth be told, the men in these type of relationships are just as basic, because only an exceptional man will not take his woman for granted. It’s been said that we are who we attract…basic dudes attract basic women, because they can get away with shit while playing with their basic women’s hearts.

The good thing is…It doesn’t have to be that way.

A woman goes from ‘basic’ to ‘exceptional’ when she learns to “toughen up” and not let the idea of being alone frighten her. An exceptional woman is honest with herself, as well as with him, about what she’s worthy of and she won’t feel bad for expressing that. Only a basic dude will try to make her feel that way for selfish reasons. An exceptional woman respects herself and demands respect from her partner. If he can’t meet those demands, that exceptional woman will have no problem cutting him off like a price tag of a new blouse!

Exceptional women will not chase. If he decides to leave, let him. Leaving already proves that he can’t love you like you deserve.

Between the delusion of thinking a man can be changed, the extreme thirst for wanting genuine love, and some ‘sunshine’ vagina, it could be difficult for a woman to change from her basic ways. In order for her to become exceptional, she has to accept the fact that a man cannot be changed and it’s possible that her vagina may not be the best he’s ever had. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with wanting genuine romantic love, but there are more proper ways to go about receiving it and that’s to NOT look for it in a guy who isn’t even your boyfriend. Stop looking for love PERIOD.

Focus on being exceptional. Only then, will the man who’ll truly love you will find you…and that’s when you’ll least expect it.

This isn’t about being unreasonably demanding or super bossy because you have a vagina. This is more so about demanding respect in your relationship and making him aware of what you deserve.

We as women have the tendency to let our guard down so much when we jump into a relationship, we somehow forget that being honest, assertive, and direct are three important components to be to earn respect from our mates. Our lack of communication will eventually lead to a relationship that’s not going anywhere. We don’t speak our minds and express what we really want for fear of being looked at as ungrateful, difficult, or hard to deal with. What we fail to realize is that it’s exactly what men need.

Men need to see that we have a backbone to take us seriously.  A woman who demands respect in the relationship is a woman with respect for herself because she’s made it known that she won’t deal with the bullshit. She will check him the moment any amount of her intuition kicks in when she feels he’s being messy! She won’t have proof…so she can only go by her intuition and that’s proof enough until the slightest indiscretion is revealed. A secure woman is also a woman with standards who will never allow such disrespect and will bounce before he decides to be messy a second time.

You make the rules because you know your heart and how precious it is. You refuse to put your heart in the hands of a man who doesn’t know how to handle it with care. That type of woman will actually bring out the best in her mate.

Why?

Because she took the time to teach him what she won’t tolerate. In return, he will treat her as his priority because he doesn’t want to lose the one woman who was actually bold enough to put her foot down and tell him about his self.

As the woman, making the rules are important and necessary, because you have to teach a man how you want to be treated. When you have standards and expect him to meet them, he will willingly live up to them, because he sees your worth. The hard work to live up to your standards is worth it because he digs your honesty about what you want, what you need, and how you truly feel about him.

As I’ve mentioned earlier, men seek women who can bring out the best in them and a woman who makes the rules does that. Don’t be afraid to share what’s on your mind and be assertive and honest when you do. Your man will really appreciate your honesty, and if he cares enough about you, he will do all he can to meet your needs.

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