Having thick skin is necessary in a world full of people who goes by the theory “misery loves company”. I have to stay mindful that people love differently than I do and not everyone has my kind of heart.

Not everyone will support what you do. Not everyone wants to see you happy, especially when their own lives are in shambles…and that’s okay. The only thing we can do is accept it, make peace with it, and move on. It may be hard, considering some people will go as far as sabotage your positive energy by doing or saying all they can to “push your buttons”.

Why?

Because they are not experiencing the internal and external success you are owning in your life. You both started from the bottom, but you’re at the top by yourself. Meanwhile, they’re still struggling to climb the first step. These miserable people don’t understand that your success is their success. When you win, they win. When your energy is good, it is strong enough to carry over into the people in your circle. The people who truly care about you will embrace your energy and use it to motivate theirselves to do better.

Then there are the rest…

These people will use your good energy and deplete it with pointless jealousy; Their actions prove that you’re not liked by them and you find yourself wondering what in the world you’ve done to deserve the mistreatment.

We can be more concerned than we need to be whether or not we are liked and naturally so. It’s that “People pleasing syndrome” that all of us carry at some point in our lives.  The reality is…some people will not like us, because of the energy we display.  Caring what others think about you will deplete your good energy, making you susceptible to leveling yourself down for their comfort level.

So, this person and that person don’t like you…so what?

Don’t let that stifle your growth and harden your heart. Everyone in the world is not meant to be in tune with your energy. Make peace with that and keep living your life.

 

I find it strange that Raven-Symone, a woman who appeared to be all for equal rights and opportunity, would not employ someone based off what their parents named them at birth. Her comment implies that people with “ghetto names” will not do a good job that’s required of them as opposed to people with names that are not “ghetto”.

I started not to write a post on this topic because Raven has clearly had enough publicity. However, I feel compelled to share my thoughts on people, their perceptions, and how perceptions are not people’s reality.

Unfortunately, we know someone who hasn’t got a job that they’re really qualified for and that sucks! “Watermelondrea” could do a better job than “Mary”, who has less experience and qualifications. When you have a judgmental bigot sitting in the bosses chair, “Mary” will have a bigger chance at getting hired because they’ll never take that into consideration.

To have a negative perception of someone based off something as simple as their name has to be the shallowest thing anyone could do. You have tons of Bobs and Janes who will do mediocre work for your company and give zero fucks when Bonquisha, who is better qualified and a potential employee who would care enough to turn your company from 0 to 100, waiting over six months for an interview. A black person, especially a black woman, should understand the seriousness of all of this!

In conclusion, since Raven’s dad exposed her for saying (in his words) “dumb shit”. I hope she’s taken into consideration to think before she speaks in the future. She has a history of”speaking her mind”, and it gets problematic because of her choice of words.

chris

Raven followed with an unapologetic apology

ravenapol

Hacked?…okay

 

 

 

 

People who say “yes” to a lot of things or agree with most things, even if they really don’t agree, are people who’d rather see others around them happy. It’s a noble, yet a strange habit that will not only make that person a pushover, but they’ll get accustomed to putting others before themselves.

We all want to be liked, adored, and we all want to be seen as caring, kind, and joyful. However, people-pleasers go above and beyond to please others but are oblivious to it, because they’re so focused on satisfying others. They’re not realizing that they could deplete their energy with overcommitment and pressure themselves to “fit in”. People-pleasers can carry this habit into their intimate relationships, as well. They want to be loved, so they’ll do anything outside of their comfort zone to make their significant other happy. If you see any of you in this post, then it’s time for you to start saying NO.

Say no with assertion– When folks are not used to hearing you say no, it’ll be kind of hard to convince them that you mean it when you finally say it. Say NO like you mean it and if you must give them a reason, let it be known without hesitation.

Prioritize– You owe it to yourself to look out for YOU because no one else will. If you are used to going out of your way for others while putting what you need to do to the side, then consider the consequences. More than likely, you’ll become frustrated and overwhelmed, all while the person you went out for is feeling easy breezy. Know that your priorities are just as important, if not, more. Folks will show their true colors when you prioritize. Only then will you find out who’s genuine in your life and who’s not.

You have a choice– People-pleasers always feel like they have to help a person who asks for their help. If you don’t want to, can’t, or simply feel like it’s not your problem, then you have a right to feel that way. Just say no. It’s that simple.

Acceptance– Everyone is not going to like you and that’s okay. Accept that and move on. You definitely won’t cry tears of sadness over them. Remember that your purpose in life is not to please them.

Learn the difference between manipulation and flattery– An example: I’m an independent publisher and an author. If I tell someone that I write and publish books, either they will congratulate me and keep it movin’ or they will congratulate me then suggest I read their book that they hadn’t cared to pull up in their files for years. It could be easy for me to say yes if I’m looking for an author to sign but if not, I’m certainly not going to feel pressured to say yes when I know I have other projects to complete. You have to know your limitations and don’t let others manipulate you with flattery. When you say NO, either they’ll understand or they won’t. Either way, just stay cute and keep it movin’.

Know that your time is valuable– You have no time to waste, especially when you have things to do. People-pleasers often get sucked into doing pointless stuff for others which don’t benefit them in any way, shape, or form. Hence, the frustration they build when they don’t get to do the things they really need to do for themselves. People ( and you) need to understand that your time should be utilized with projects that will help the progression for both parties involved. If what you’re asked to do or be a part of doesn’t add value to your life, then don’t bother getting involved. Again…just say NO. Unless they’re worthy of having your time, you don’t owe anyone any amount of it. Do more for yourself without any regrets. You can start with saying yes less and no more.

I’ve been using my Facebook page long enough to see that social media can leave a huge impact on people…myself included. I used to always wonder why I read down my timeline and find posts that feel like someone need to invest in a diary, or someone is beefing with a family member, instead of calling that person, or the chick posting 1000 selfies a day, or the guy posting his money after cashing his refund check.

It all makes sense that these people are using social media like Facebook and Instagram to boost their self-esteem.

Sites like Facebook, Instagram, and even Twitter can give a lot of social media users a false sense of belonging. We’re oblivious to what we’re doing because we’re too focused on trying to impress people we’ve never met with pictures, status updates, and a micro-blog with a 140 character limit. It becomes a problem when it becomes a daily habit, especially when there’s no connection with others in the real world.

Then there are those who envy what others post. I’ll use myself as an example because I do this often. When I see a picture of a beautiful couple (perhaps a wedding photo or one of their many “bae-cation” snapshots), my first thought is “I wish it was me” or “How lucky is she to find love”. It makes me realize where I fall short in my life. Leaving me “in my feelings”, if you will. I’ve ended up comparing myself to others in such a short amount of time. Imagine being on social media all day, admiring the people’s lives from the outside, looking in. If you often measure your success by others, it’ll definitely lower your spirit.

It happens to a lot of us but with different scenarios. We forget that everyone’s life looks perfect, but we’re only seeing a snapshot of their reality. We’re always going to see the “happier” moments of people posted on social media.

Social media has the power to affect our mood, turn us into attention-craving narcissists, and change what we think of ourselves. Social media make it hard for us to interact with others in real life.

How do we get rid of this unhealthy virtual habit?

Log off

And if that may be hard to do, limit the time you spend on social media by engaging in real-life events. Spend more time outdoors (without checking Facebook every two minutes). Make sure to get into an activity so enjoyable, that you’ll be too preoccupied and enlightened to even check your phone. Read that book that you’ve wanted to read, or dive into some volunteer work at your local community center.

How you feel about yourself is important, as well. There’s no need to envy the lives &/or success of other because we are all blessed during different times in our lives. I remind myself daily. Be comfortable in your own skin. The more you love yourself, the less you’ll have to convince that on social media with endless selfies. We know you’re beautiful..cut that out. What matters is that you know you’re beautiful without validation from others.

In conclusion, it’s really important for everyone to understand that social media is not the real world. It’s a whole nother world where everybody can be anything they want to be…even happy. We’ll never know if someone’s virtual world matches their real world unless we live in the same household. So remember, don’t let your harmless habit of browsing social media negatively impact your self-worth.