Being a mother can be a challenge.

Being a single mother can be a bigger challenge.

Being a single mother and dating is a highly difficult task!

No one said dating as a single parent would be easy, but dagnabbit! One would have to wonder why there wasn’t a warning! There are many factors single mothers have to consider when it comes to dating. Some we’ve expected and some we thought were impossible. The one thing I feel we can all agree on is that dating is HARD when you have little ones. Dating as a single mother can also be scary!

Single mothers also have to deal with the stigma that they’re looking for “fathers for their children”, which for the most part, is an assumption. The REAL father could be a part of their lives, but unfortunately…that’s not the initial thing that comes to the mind of a man who’s curious about the single mother he’s involved with.

Here are four ways single mothers can effectively balance the act of dating while being a mom:

Wait a while before introducing your guy to the kids- Introducing a prospective boyfriend to your kids is risky. Especially when you haven’t invested enough time in getting to know more of him. If things go south, you will not only be hurt, but the children will, too, because they’ve already gotten attached. Wait as long as you possibly can to introduce your guy to your kids. Waiting gives you the time to see if the both of you see the future on the same page.

 

Take pride in your low tolerance for bullshit- As single mothers, we’ve become less patient with any man who doesn’t live up to our particular standards. Because we spend most of our time with our children, we make sure we spend the bit of free time we have with someone with good qualities and not losers. One of the best ways to spend our free time is with people we like.

 

Be up front with your guy about your kid(s) father- The guy you’re dating becomes curious about the father of your little ones, as expected. Be honest about the relationship you and the father have and how much he’s a part of the kids’ lives with him. It will only make him respect you more.

 

You can still do the horizontal hokey pokey, but be discreet Whether the kids have met your guy or not, being intimate somewhere besides your home or when your kids are not home, is more appropriate. Not exposing them to clues that a man has spent the night shows respect for your children.

 

 

As adults, we can become overwhelmed with the complexities of life; parenthood, relationships, and careers all while  trying to keep a roof over our heads. It’s enough to make you want to crawl back into your mama’s womb for a “do-over”.

When we were younger, we couldn’t wait to become adults. Now that we’re adults, we think back and wonder what the hell we were thinking!

Every now and then, it’s okay to take a break from being an adult. Here are 8 ways to do so without feeling guilty!

A Weekend Getaway– Wouldn’t it be nice to just go away for a few days without thinking about bills, the kids, or your spouse/significant other who’s been getting on your last nerve? Plan a small and affordable trip for yourself or with a couple of your friends that will help take the stress away.

Retail Therapy Without The Family- If you have a few dollars to spare after paying your bills, treat yourself at the mall. Whether it’s that shirt you’ve been eye-balling for a while or just walking through it until you see something that catches your eye, treating yourself WITHOUT your loved ones tagging along provides a certain level of tranquility.

Go to an Amusement Park- Jumping on your favorite rides always bring out the excited kid in you!

Say ‘NO’ more often- Say no to anyone or anything that will inconvenience you. The more you say no, the time needed to do more important things will be revealed to you.

Choose at least one day to do nothing- Pick a day to just…do nothing. No television, no radio, no internet, no phone….everything is turned off! Well…maybe not the radio. Perhaps, listening to your favorite jazz station could do you some good:-) When you spend the day doing absolutely nothing, it rids the stress in your spirit and relaxes your mind.

Work on Your Favorite Hobby– Work on a project that brings you joy. It’ll help take your mind off more serious things.

One Day Without Driving Anywhere- If possible, take a day without driving anywhere. Get a loved-one to run typical errands, while you take a much-needed breather.

Read Blogs on How to Take the Stress Away- Every little bit of advice helps, thus the reason for this piece. Blogs offer many pointers on how to live a stress-free life as an adult. Take advantage of the information that is TOTALLY free all through the internet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Teyana Taylor gave birth to her first child with fiancé Iman Shrumpert, it was actually a month earlier. Teyana took to Facebook to send a message to her daughter about that special day, complete with an adorable photo.

 

 

Mommy carried you & Daddy delivered you on this very day last month, crazy that you were actually due today. However you made Dec. 16th the best day of our lives. Happy one month my love.. ❤️ #JuneBug

Posted by Teyana Taylor on Friday, January 15, 2016

 

A letter to a friend:

Blended families are NEVER easy, but here’s why I don’t have a lot of sympathy for your situation because… we CHOOSE them. When I married Will, I knew Trey was part of the package…Period! If I didn’t want that…I needed to marry someone else. Then I learned if I am going to love Trey…I had to learn to love the most important person in the world to him…his mother. And the two of us may not have always LIKED each other… but we have learned to LOVE each other.

I can’t support any actions that keep a man from his children of a previous marriage. These are the situations that separate the women from the girls. Your behavior is that of an insecure child who needs to recognize her own weaknesses that MUST be strengthened to take on the task at hand. We can’t say we love our man and then come in between him and his children. THAT’S selfishness…NOT love. WOMAN UP… I’ve been there…I know. My blended family made me a giant… Taught me so much about love, commitment and it has been the biggest ego death to date. It’s time you let your blended family make you the giant you truly are.
J

This is a letter that Jada Pinkett-Smith penned in 2013 to the selfish moms in Facebook land. While reading this, I was impressed at Mrs. Smith’s level of maturity, as she openly shared her need to not only embrace Will’s first child but his mother (Sheree Fletcher) as well.

As times changed, so did the structure of families. A couple who marries and starts a family afterwards is the ideal way, but it’s not the reality for a lot of couples today. In reality, a lot of us has had children out-of-wedlock but is still blessed to find love.  Accepting each other’s kids gives you both an uber amount of kudos. Coming into the relationship, you already knew they were a package. You both plan to marry and that’s wonderful. However, for whatever reason, you can’t bring yourself to like the parent of your future step-child.

This is where you have to evaluate your level of maturity or lack thereof. As Jada mentioned…if you love the child, you have to find a way to love the person who brought your step-child into the world. I’m sure after years of animosity, it could be a struggle, but making peace is what keeps a family together. Your peace, acceptance, and love is the glue that keeps the family together. Remember when you marry, you are co-parenting with not only your husband but with his child’s mother, too! The three of you have to work as a team, no matter what happened in the past. You’d be surprised at the dynamic between you and her. Teaming up could not only strengthen the friendship between you and her, but your man will see your effort and fall more in love with you.

Letting go of any resentment or animosity is necessary to make blended families a peaceful family. Never think it’s your right to come between your husband and his child because you don’t get along with the child’s mother. Not only are you being childish and selfish, but your behavior will strip that child of his right to be raised in a positive and stress-free household. You also subconsciously make that child have to “choose sides”.

Let go….forgive….move on…love

these are the four keys to help strengthen the bond of your blended family.

If you or someone you know is struggling with making peace, send them this post.

As always, thanks  for reading. 🙂

As mothers, we alway make sure our kids are well taken care of, nurtured and loved. That’s a 24 hours, seven days a week job and like ALL jobs, we need an occasional break, even if it’s just for a couple of hours. When we finally make plans to go out and hang with other adults, our righteous behavior reinforces our need to express what we as mothers deserve “Damn right! I need some time out”, “Our kids aren’t the only ones who can have fun!”. But twenty minutes after we’ve left the house, that guilt creeps in, making us wonder if we’re doing the right thing. Maybe it’s the looks our kids’ faces when they realize we’re leaving the house without them. Those hangdog expressions get us every time. Maybe you feel you SHOULD be in the house because you are in fact a mother.

It happens to the best of us. It’s the struggle between doing what’s right for our children and implementing joy in our own lives. The fact is…WE CAN DO BOTH.  The problem is we don’t think we can because we feel we owe our children EVERYTHING.

The one thing we have to remember is we can’t properly function as mothers if we don’t practice balance. All work and parenting with no play will leave you with a bunch of stress, a stank attitude, and a bald head after pulling all of your hairs out! Tire tracks will be all up and down your walls because your kids are driving you up it all the time!

Know that some time away from your children is well deserved and needed. Whether it’s for a couple of hours or a couple of days, they will get to a point where they’ll realize that they’ll be okay without you, so don’t let the sad puppy dog looks convince you otherwise. If your kids are very young, most likely they have no sense of time, so even a few hours will feel like forever to them. Be vague with them when you leave the house. Telling them something like “I’ll be right back” is good enough.

Getting away from the kids is good for your mental state and your health. Parenting is just one component of a busy life. We also have to deal with the complexities of household demands/chores, job-related issues, and in some cases, spousal difficulties. All of that combined could leave you with stress. Stress could lead to health issues. Get the point?

Mom guilt is simply all in our heads. Believe me…our kids won’t even think about you ten minutes after you leave the house, especially when the Cartoon Network is on. Mom guilt comes from what we think we don’t deserve. This is the time to change our thought pattern. We do owe our children, but not in the way you might think. We owe it to them to take care of ourselves. In this case, being selfish is necessary in order to provide peace in everyone’s lives, including our own. Getting time away from your children is good for our mental state, health, and our soul. The older our kids get, the more they’ll understand.

Momma’s gotta have fun, too 🙂

It’s so easy for us to go from 0 to 100 when our kids don’t listen. It’s especially embarrassing when we do it in public, scolding and sometimes having to physically grab a hold of them to scare them into listening to us. Us parents see that we let our emotions get the best of us, but how else are we supposed to handle a child who misbehaves and won’t do what he’s told?

As much as we want our children to listen, we have to understand that they are going to push the wrong buttons at times. We should expect them to do that often. As a result, we find ourselves telling them the same things over and over until thy finally do it. However, the older they get, the less we have to repeat ourselves. The only difference is, the older they get, the more serious the rules become. At age six, we tell them to put their toys away. At age sixteen, we tell them to wait for sex. Will they listen at age six? Yes, but they won’t put the toys away anyway. Will they listen at sixteen? Hopefully, but we have to prepare ourselves to accept that they might become sexually active. Do we yell and scream at them, or do we find a way to stay calm and talk to them peacefully?

Now, I know some of you are reading this and say “Not my bad-ass child!”…LOL

I understand and trust me when I say, I feel for the parents who have a child that refuses to do what any adult tells them. What I say to that is to each his own. You know your child better than anyone else does but remember this… After you’re done blowing steam out of your ears, cussing them out, and popping them upside their heads, do you think you’ve accomplished something? Do you think they’ll listen next time? There are many times when I blew the F Bomb at my kids because they did something I didn’t like. I even popped a head a couple of times. In the end, I didn’t feel any better. In fact, I realized  that I let my anger get the best of me and it was better to calm down before I decide to have a talk with them. We get our points across better when our emotions aren’t at a high.

Kids go through life differently than adults do. At an early age such as six, they are still processing what’s right and what’s wrong in life. They’re going to touch an iron, not thinking it’s going to burn them. They’ll have to learn not to touch a hot iron from experience. It’s a part of growing. We have to remember not to lose it when they do. That’s pretty much what we as parents have to consider about our children.

Being a mother is challenging but rewarding.

I never imagined being responsible for little lives until my late twenties. However, when I look into the eyes of people I helped created, I see my blessings and unconditional love.

I watch them often and think to myself, I am responsible for guiding these young people into respectful and productive adults. 

I am responsible for teaching them how to love and be loved, what’s right and what’s wrong…even in a country in such turmoil as America, which I can safely say will be a challenge for any parent.

Nevertheless, I get to see them grow and I can see my nurturing and teaching capabilities are not being wasted.

 

I love being a Mom.

 

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