Being a mother can be a challenge.

Being a single mother can be a bigger challenge.

Being a single mother and dating is a highly difficult task!

No one said dating as a single parent would be easy, but dagnabbit! One would have to wonder why there wasn’t a warning! There are many factors single mothers have to consider when it comes to dating. Some we’ve expected and some we thought were impossible. The one thing I feel we can all agree on is that dating is HARD when you have little ones. Dating as a single mother can also be scary!

Single mothers also have to deal with the stigma that they’re looking for “fathers for their children”, which for the most part, is an assumption. The REAL father could be a part of their lives, but unfortunately…that’s not the initial thing that comes to the mind of a man who’s curious about the single mother he’s involved with.

Here are four ways single mothers can effectively balance the act of dating while being a mom:

Wait a while before introducing your guy to the kids- Introducing a prospective boyfriend to your kids is risky. Especially when you haven’t invested enough time in getting to know more of him. If things go south, you will not only be hurt, but the children will, too, because they’ve already gotten attached. Wait as long as you possibly can to introduce your guy to your kids. Waiting gives you the time to see if the both of you see the future on the same page.

 

Take pride in your low tolerance for bullshit- As single mothers, we’ve become less patient with any man who doesn’t live up to our particular standards. Because we spend most of our time with our children, we make sure we spend the bit of free time we have with someone with good qualities and not losers. One of the best ways to spend our free time is with people we like.

 

Be up front with your guy about your kid(s) father- The guy you’re dating becomes curious about the father of your little ones, as expected. Be honest about the relationship you and the father have and how much he’s a part of the kids’ lives with him. It will only make him respect you more.

 

You can still do the horizontal hokey pokey, but be discreet Whether the kids have met your guy or not, being intimate somewhere besides your home or when your kids are not home, is more appropriate. Not exposing them to clues that a man has spent the night shows respect for your children.

 

 

Triple threat, Ciara, proves there’s no stopping her, even with a baby bump!

The singer/actress/model posted a cute video clip of her showing off her signature moves to “I’m Every Woman” by The Late Great Whitney Houston. With a belly and all, Ciara was puttin’ in WORK and it was the cutest thing ever! Even baby Future and hubby Russell Wilson make a brief appearance in the video.

Press play below!

 

When Teyana Taylor gave birth to her first child with fiancé Iman Shrumpert, it was actually a month earlier. Teyana took to Facebook to send a message to her daughter about that special day, complete with an adorable photo.

 

 

Mommy carried you & Daddy delivered you on this very day last month, crazy that you were actually due today. However you made Dec. 16th the best day of our lives. Happy one month my love.. ❤️ #JuneBug

Posted by Teyana Taylor on Friday, January 15, 2016

As mothers, we alway make sure our kids are well taken care of, nurtured and loved. That’s a 24 hours, seven days a week job and like ALL jobs, we need an occasional break, even if it’s just for a couple of hours. When we finally make plans to go out and hang with other adults, our righteous behavior reinforces our need to express what we as mothers deserve “Damn right! I need some time out”, “Our kids aren’t the only ones who can have fun!”. But twenty minutes after we’ve left the house, that guilt creeps in, making us wonder if we’re doing the right thing. Maybe it’s the looks our kids’ faces when they realize we’re leaving the house without them. Those hangdog expressions get us every time. Maybe you feel you SHOULD be in the house because you are in fact a mother.

It happens to the best of us. It’s the struggle between doing what’s right for our children and implementing joy in our own lives. The fact is…WE CAN DO BOTH.  The problem is we don’t think we can because we feel we owe our children EVERYTHING.

The one thing we have to remember is we can’t properly function as mothers if we don’t practice balance. All work and parenting with no play will leave you with a bunch of stress, a stank attitude, and a bald head after pulling all of your hairs out! Tire tracks will be all up and down your walls because your kids are driving you up it all the time!

Know that some time away from your children is well deserved and needed. Whether it’s for a couple of hours or a couple of days, they will get to a point where they’ll realize that they’ll be okay without you, so don’t let the sad puppy dog looks convince you otherwise. If your kids are very young, most likely they have no sense of time, so even a few hours will feel like forever to them. Be vague with them when you leave the house. Telling them something like “I’ll be right back” is good enough.

Getting away from the kids is good for your mental state and your health. Parenting is just one component of a busy life. We also have to deal with the complexities of household demands/chores, job-related issues, and in some cases, spousal difficulties. All of that combined could leave you with stress. Stress could lead to health issues. Get the point?

Mom guilt is simply all in our heads. Believe me…our kids won’t even think about you ten minutes after you leave the house, especially when the Cartoon Network is on. Mom guilt comes from what we think we don’t deserve. This is the time to change our thought pattern. We do owe our children, but not in the way you might think. We owe it to them to take care of ourselves. In this case, being selfish is necessary in order to provide peace in everyone’s lives, including our own. Getting time away from your children is good for our mental state, health, and our soul. The older our kids get, the more they’ll understand.

Momma’s gotta have fun, too 🙂

As a single mother working as a full-time employee and a business owner/entrepreneur, it can make live very challenging, to say the least. It’s only natural for me and other women in my position to dwell on the negatives of past by not trying to repeat it or focusing too much on the future. Not focusing on the now causes layers of stress. I must admit, I’ve been guilty of this problem for years. I stress about work, finances, relationships, and it all gives me the inability to just…live.

We have to learn to live in the present moment. In doing so, we release all tension and worry. This is the act of practicing everyday mindfulness. Accepting what is happening in our lives now gives us the freedom to live without the stress of what was and what could/should be. We also begin to trust the process of where our lives are headed; Taking us in the direction to where we need to be. Granted, our environment does a good job of reminding us that where we are is not the final destination of our journey, which is why we tend to push ourselves to do better, to be better, and to strive for a better tomorrow. We don’t realize the level of pressure we give ourselves to live up to the standards of others…or even our own. The anxiety to create a better future and the cautiousness of not repeating the past is a battle that is fought daily.

Practicing everyday mindfulness relieves all the stress, worry, and anxiety. Being aware of the daily activities, think positive thoughts, surround yourself with things you love to keep you motivated, and take one step at a time…in your life, in your job, and with your relationships. We cannot predict the future, so it makes no sense in trying to do so. All we can do about the past is learn from it. What was done has been done. Move on, let go, and let God.

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