When I ask if you’re exceptional or basic, it has nothing to do with how you live, how much money you have, or what brand labels are in your closet, but it has everything to do with how the man in your life views you.

How a man views you is how he’ll treat you and it’s up to you, a woman who yearns for respect and honesty in a relationship, to make sure he treats you like you deserve. It starts with growing enough balls to express what you won’t allow and what you desire. However, some of us tend to forget the importance of that and allow our passive aggressiveness to weaken our ability to demand what we want and/or need in a relationship. That’s what basic women do. I can tell you from experiences from women I know and from my own experiences that a lot of men LOVE some basic women!

Why? He knows that under all of that fake tough and demanding exterior, is a woman ready to fall in love. Basic women want to be in a relationship so badly, any amount of attention from him makes her feel like what they have is worth her holding onto, even if he shows signs of being messy. He knows that if he shows signs of being messy, his basic woman will fake the funk and pretend to leave if he doesn’t shape up. When that man starts to put one foot out the door, his basic woman will suddenly have a change of heart, out of fear of losing him to another woman or being alone. A few weeks or a few months have gone by and at this point, you’re frustrated because it feels like you’re investing a lot more into the relationship than he is. In some cases, this has happened more than once in a relationship that’s at least four months old. I guarantee you that 85% of y’all reading this have experienced a relationship like this, currently in a relationship like this, or know someone who is.

Truth be told, the men in these type of relationships are just as basic, because only an exceptional man will not take his woman for granted. It’s been said that we are who we attract…basic dudes attract basic women because they can get away with shit while playing with their basic women’s hearts.

The good thing is…It doesn’t have to be that way.

A woman goes from ‘basic’ to ‘exceptional’ when she learns to “toughen up” and not let the idea of being alone frighten her. An exceptional woman is honest with herself, as well as with him, about what she’s worthy of and she won’t feel bad for expressing that. Only a basic dude will try to make her feel that way for selfish reasons. An exceptional woman respects herself and demands respect from her partner. If he can’t meet those demands, that exceptional woman will have no problem cutting him off like a price tag on a new blouse!

Exceptional women will not chase. If he decides to leave, let him. Leaving already proves that he can’t love you like you deserve.

Between the delusion of thinking a man can be changed, the extreme thirst for wanting genuine love, and some ‘sunshine’ vagina, it could be difficult for a woman to change her basic ways. In order for her to become exceptional, she has to accept the fact that a man cannot be changed and it’s possible that her vagina may not be the best he’s ever had. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with wanting genuine romantic love, but there are more proper ways to go about receiving it and that’s to NOT look for it in a guy who isn’t even your boyfriend. Stop looking for love PERIOD.

Focus on being exceptional. Only then, will the man who’ll truly love you will find you…and that’s when you’ll least expect it.

I’ve always questioned the term ‘Ride or Die’.

What exactly is a ‘Ride or Die’ type of person?

Is this someone who accepts all the BS from their partner but let that shit slide, because it’s “out of love”?

Do a person consider his/her partner “Ride or Die” because he/she knows when fuckups happen, the partner will eventually forgive you enough to make the relationship work?

Does a “Ride or Die” person have wifey/hubby potential, as long as they put up with…anything?

Are ‘Ride or Die’ ppl only women?

Maybe it’s just me, but when it comes to being loyal, I expect not only reciprocity but that optimistic feeling of trust and mutual respect. However, that’s not always the case. In fact, we know of people who are in relationships and are going through HELL behind closed doors while fakin’ the funk in public. I don’t know about you all, but I’d rather wear a genuine smile more than shed a thousand tears from too much BS from a significant other just to prove how ‘Ride or Die’ I am.  I understand that relationships will NEVER be perfect. There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship, but how much imperfection will you tolerate before you realize how much you’re gettin’ played? There’s a difference between being loyal and being taken advantage of.

I’ve asked my friends to give their definition of what ‘Ride or Die’ means to them. The answers included:

Support

Someone you can count on, regardless of the situation

Hell or high water

Going through the good, the bad and the ugly!

Someone who will have your back, even when they’re mad at you

I get all of that! I really do. In fact, I would encourage people who are in relationships to express their loyalty by sticking with their partner but to a degree. Let me give you more definitions, then I’ll explain.

 

Wiki definition: A Hip Hop spin on the popular mythology of Bonnie and Clyde, the ride-or-die chick refers to a woman who has undying loyalty for her partner and is willing to stand by them through anything, even in the face of death.

Urban Dictionary’s definition: To be down with your husband/wife no matter what, through it all the good and the bad. (KEYWORDS-Husband/Wife); ‘Ride or Die’ chick-A chick that ain’t afraid to be down with her man. She’ll do anything her man needs her to do. Basically down for both the bad and the good.

 

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I’m not married, but I expect the married folks to go by the whole ‘Ride or Die’ phenomena, because that’s how you keep a marriage strong. I guess I’m old-fashioned because I don’t think ‘Ride or Die’ should apply to folks in basic (sexual) relationships. Too many folks confuse loyalty with being taken advantage of and as a result, they ‘stick around’, because they feel obligated after putting so much energy into establishing the relationship. They also put up with shenanigans because of how they feel about the person. I guess loyalty depends on what a person is willing to tolerate. Personally, I want to “live” and enjoy the fruits of a respectful and loving relationship, and if I’m ‘riding’ for you, let me know where we’re going. Give me the chance to decide if the dynamic of our relationship agrees with my heart!

I salute anyone who is a ‘Ride or Die’, particularly the women. You all are obviously emotionally mature enough to work overtime trying to keep your partner “on his toes” and still love him. Does all of this “sticking around” occurs after you find out he/she’s cheated? (enquiring minds wants to know).

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When it all boils down to it, being ‘Ride or Die’ means that you’re sacrificing your heart and needs to keep your partner pleased. Even if it means accepting the shenanigans. The most you’ll do is tell  your partner that you don’t like what was done and HOPE it doesn’t happen again. The result? Your partner has moved on and you’re on pins and needles, wondering if your partner is being faithful. But why does that matter if you’re ‘Ride or Die’?

There’s being ‘Ride or Die’ and  then there’s being ‘foolish’.

Which one are you?

 

 

 

 

When we jump into a situationship with uncertainty, it’s usually with doubt and for good reason. There’s always that inner voice that tells you when something isn’t right. Your gut feeling convinces you that your partner isn’t as serious about you as you are about your partner. This is usually correlated with low confidence and low self-esteem, but that’s not always the case. It’s simply a matter of intuition and whether we choose to listen to it or not. Your partner inadvertently makes you feel like a placeholder because you keep seeing signs from him/her with one foot out the door of commitment.

When it comes to relationships, a placeholder is someone who unknowingly fills an empty position and doesn’t realize it until the obvious signs surfaces. If you’re unsure of what these signs are, then this list could help you. Here are sure-fire signs you’re a placeholder in your partner’s life.

1) Your partner is not on the same page as you– This is a clear sign that you’re placeholder. If there was no discussion about being committed to one another, then maybe you need to rethink keeping a seat warm that is possibly meant for someone else.

2) You find yourself wondering what the two of you are doing– Are you the girl/boyfriend? Are you both working towards building something permanent? It’s clear that proper communication is not being practiced. These are things you should know and if your partner doesn’t clarify these things for you, either your partner is already set on building something with someone else, or simply isn’t sure  if (s)he wants to build something with you. If that’s the case, you’re an option. Nothing more, nothing less.

3) You find yourself emotionally manipulating your partner with guilt-harboring tendencies in exchange for attention.- Lack of attention from your partner is definitely a significant issue and proves lack of effort on his/her part. If you have to force guilt upon him/her to get  the attention you need, then it’s time to evaluate ridin’ solo. Anyone who truly cares about their partner will see to it that they’re fully satisfied in the relationship.

 

Placeholding is such a devalued habit, but it’s not easy to see that when that hope factor clouds our vision. We have to remind ourselves that being a placeholder means we will never be given that needed level of respect that we deserve in a relationship. Therefore, we must end these positions ASAP! We ae worth more than a seat-warmer. We deserve a long-lasting authentic relationship that will fully satisfy us. We deserve assurance, certainty, and loyalty from our partners. A partner who is genuine with his/her intentions will believe you deserve the aforementioned, too. There’s no manipulation, no uncertainty, and no miscommunication.

Get rid of that placeholder position and sit back on your throne

 

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