Image courtesy of Getty Images/Christopher Polk

When you think of the word, “intimacy”, what is the first thing that comes to mind?

What if I told you that the meaning of intimacy goes deeper than all of those.

Let’s look at Webster’s definition of intimacy…
the state of being intimate; a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group; a close association with or detailed knowledge or deep understanding of a place, subject, period of history, etc.

Intimacy is openness, transparency, acceptance, being candid and honest, and sharing all of yourself beyond the physical. Intimacy is also self-revelation and being comfortable with sharing those revelations with your partner. To openly share your thoughts, your attitudes, and your feelings without feeling like you’ll be judged says a lot about how mature your relationship is.

Kendrick Lamar is the perfect example of a man who displays that kind of maturity. In a 2015 interview with ‘Billboard’, he had this to say about his fiance, Whitney Alford.



Kendrick perfectly illustrates what goes down in the truest form of intimacy; vulnerability, transparency, and obviously not being afraid to be any of that with his woman….his best friend ūüôā


We have to distinguish the difference between true intimacy and false intimacy, as well.

False intimacy is lust, physical attraction and admiring the exterior of a person without truly knowing who they are on the inside. False intimacy can be tricky and it can lead situationships, as opposed to a healthy relationships.


Intimacy is about being emotionally close to your partner, not just physically. Allowing your partner to let their guard down is the best feeling in the world, because they are showing you that they’re trusting you with their inner most secrets and desires. That’s the kind of intimacy that will keep a relationship solid. A relationship without true intimacy can be boring and uninspiring.






In 2016, we’ve reported that Rob Hill Sr. and songstress/actress, Letoya Luckett, got engaged. Now that Rob and Letoya have¬†split after only two months of MARRIAGE, I have doubts about some of these “relationship experts”.

It was a surprise¬†to supporters and fans, considering no one knew the¬†couple was already married at the time. They’ve done a great job of keeping their marriage super low-key. Unfortunately, this couple fits the description of “Hollywood marriages”; in love one week and broken up the next week.

However, there’s something peculiar about this breakup and it isn’t the quicky marriage. If you’re familiar with Rob’s work, you’ve¬†probably wondered if he’s ever practiced what he’s preached. One would question Rob’s skill and motivation as an “expert” on life and love since his public breakup.

Let’s break down what Rob Hill Sr. really is….

According to his website’s bio, Rob is, “¬†an author, entrepreneur, and public speaker. Originally from Chesapeake, VA, Rob is sought after as a voice for the millennial generation on healthy relationships, purposed filled living, community organizing, and constructive love.”

In my opinion, that’s just a fancy way of saying he’s a “life coach”.

Many have criticized Rob on his break up with Letoya, because apparently, he should know better. It’s my belief that experts don’t become experts without experience, and it’s obvious that Rob has experienced the ups and down of love. Not everyone shares that sentiment, though.

Rob’s two-month marriage ending in divorce highlights the authenticity, or lack thereof, of these social media love gurus, experts, coaches, etc.

Let’s face it…we’ve all fallen for their quotes on life, love, and relationships because they relate to what we all go through. We use their words as motivation, and some of us even follow what they say in their posts and video clips like a cult. But, what good are their words if they’ve proven they can’t live by them?

Do we stop following them or do we give them the benefit of the doubt?


“Life Coaches” are human, too, and I’m putting myself in ALL of their shoes, including Rob’s. They go through stuff just like we do.

We don’t now what went down between Letoya and Rob, and I’m sure Rob doesn’t have the ability to see the future. We all go through life with unexpected situations, and experts on life, love, and relationships are no exceptions. As Hill would probably say, “We’re all one choice away from living a completely different life.”

People like Hill are allowed to go through negative experiences. Experiences, good and bad, are what makes us who we are today.



Saying how we feel is something a lot of us fail at achieving. At an early age, we were taught the art of ‚Äúpeople pleasing‚ÄĚ- from saying yes when we really mean no to holding back from what we want to say for fear of rejection or offending someone.

The golden question is… how do we get over that fear and say exactly what’s on our minds?

The other day, my best friend and I had a conversation about not speaking from the heart and it led me to believe that I still suffer from the art of “people pleasing”. Because of my fear, I limit myself from being truthful, because my current situation is comfy, cozy, and feels really good. If I speak what’s on my mind and in my heart, my cozy place might start to feel familiarly uncomfortable, and I don’t want to end up in that place…again.


So…I play it safe.


If this seems familiar to you, then perhaps you should work on that inevitable fear I speak of. I feel it, so I know you do, too! Acknowledge your fear and work on getting rid of it.

How do we get rid of the fear?

*Being honest with ourselves

*Seeing the bigger picture

*Understanding how important it is for others to “get you”

*Realizing that we won’t have regrets later

*Realizing that if we¬†don’t speak up, resentment could take place


For the fearless folks who doesn’t hesitate on¬†speaking what’s on your mind, I admire you. It only means that you can embrace whatever the outcome will be. I guess for me, practice makes perfect. I won’t say I’m completely fearful. More like…cautious; waiting for the right time, thinking of what to say and how I should say it, and waiting for the moment when I can stop replaying the possible rejection in my head.


It’s a question that everyone seems to have a hard time answerin, because a lot of folks think it goes hand in hand. Well…I beg to differ. In my opinion, you can easily separate the two. Think about it!

Definition of love– 1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. 2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, sibling, friend, or significant other.

Definition of Respect-A feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.
Both definitions definitely describe a venerated feeling from one person to another due to admiration. It’s generally the same, but different overall. While¬†I wish I could say that if you’re loved then you’re easily respected, I just can’t. I¬†will take respect over love any day. What trips me out is that some folks will break down love with “unconditional love”. No matter how deep or “unconditional” a person’s love may have for you, that person still needs to respect you twice as much. Respect really goes a long way and if you don’t see that, then I’d have to ask how blinded you can be when it comes to “love”? Would you as a person who is experiencing love even recognize DISrespect if it happens?


A prime example of love VS. respect is the broken relationships (particularly marriages). The high divorce rate is staggering in the US, because of husbands/wives stepping out of their marriages and having affairs. Sure! Hubby loves wifey and Vice Versa, but having an affair certainly doesn’t classify as respect. Another example of love/respect…since some of the readers wanna include “unconditional” in the mix…our love for our kids are definitely unconditional….but I pray that they don’t grow to think it’s okay to steal money out of Mommy’s purse. Stealing money out of Mommy’s purse is definitely not respectful, but I won’t stop loving them because of that. Of course, I want my kids to love me unconditionally, but I want respect 10 times much¬†because it shows that they’ll honor me enough to do what is deemed as appropriate and well-mannered. Of course, I want my future boo to love me because I’m fly! ūüėČ However, respect is better because he will treat me as an equal part of his life and will do everything in his respectful manner to see to it that I’m happy and fulfilled in our relationship.

In case you think I am, no…I am not knocking love. Love is very important in a relationship, especially intimate ones. If the person is worth your love then by all means, LOVE ON! But, don’t forget with love SHOULD come loads of amount of respect for one another. One can NEVER function properly without the other. That goes particularly for those in romantic relationships.

So, when it come down to it, I’m #TeamRespect. Not because I choose not to love or care not to be loved, but I choose to be honored accordingly as the person you see me as…a mom, a friend, a hard worker, and even a lover.

A popular Youtuber, Landon Moss, is touching souls all over the internet with his¬†Sergio Valencia-directed video titled ‘Cherish Every Moment’.

It took me a moment to catch on at the end until I realized the unexpected.

Just like real life…we come across situations unexpected. That’s why it’s important to cherish every moment with the people you love. Don’t take anything and anyone for granted, because one day, an unexpected situation may take place and change everything….forever!

We as women make it so hard for ourselves when it comes to love.

As a woman who’s experienced a few heartbreaks, I can tell you that the way a woman feels about herself can hinder or help a relationship. It all boils down to self-worth, self-acceptance, and self-love; three components that only WE should give ourselves before looking for them from our significant other. The most common roadblock that we experience when failing at love is over-thinking. The moment our significant other does or say something we don’t like or don’t make some sort of move quickly as we expect, thoughts creep up, leaving us wondering if we’re smart enough, intelligent enough, pretty enough, etc. This insecurity issue is a sign of lack of self-love. If a woman truly loves herself, her flaws or/and whatever she lacks shouldn’t fee like a hindrance. This issue also brings fear, anxiety, and a lot of worry over issues that might not exist.

A man won’t even make an attempt to love us if he sees we’re not loving ourselves. If we’re not getting what we need emotionally from our significant other, then I’d suggest focusing on changing the shift in how we think. We panic and become anxious about what could go wrong, we’re not enjoying the experience of being in the relationship with this person. At a time when building true love should be a priority, we spend time wondering if he thinks we’re worth it.

A confident woman will know she’s worth love. A woman with insecurities will never get to experience the love she wants if she cannot love and accept herself. It’s also about her knowing who she is and knowing what she wants out of life. This confident woman also demands respect. Men are considered visual creatures, but in all honesty, they’ll fall in love with her personality and inner beauty before anything else. Her outer beauty only adds to his admiration for her. You could be the most beautiful woman in the world but if your confidence doesn’t match, then you’ll fail in love miserably. Men don’t feel like instilling positivity into a negative-thinking woman; they’ll feel they’ll do themselves a disservice if they have to spend energy constantly convincing a pessimistic woman that she has nothing to worry about and just enjoy the moment of being together.

Let’s work on our thought pattern for the better. Let’s work on love of self before we look for it in others. There’s nothing sadder than a woman who fails at love with her significant other and in the end doesn’t have enough to give herself.

By now, you’ve seen images of a couple whose proposal and wedding transpired all in one day and the tear-jerking union went viral all over social media. If you click on the hashtag, #ForeverDuncan” it takes you to a timeline of events between Alfred Duncan and his new wife, Sherrell, and their captured moments of the day’s memorable events.

On Oct. 1st, Alfred proposed to his long-time girlfriend, Sherell Woodward, at noon. Unbeknownst to Sherrell, a wedding ceremony was about to take place by 5pm. The bride-to-be was overcome with emotion as she arrived at the venue.

Learn more about their love story here

Since their love story broke, it’s been proven that folks have a hard time doing a couple of things when they witness something “out of the norm”, yet, extraordinary.

I’ve witnessed people (particularly men) have a hard time giving props where props are due, and the rest (women) using the Duncans’ relationship as a template for their own love life¬†or lack thereof.

While¬†I admit to ALMOST calling somebody to order the “Forever Duncan special”, I am clearly aware that I should create my own journey to true love, instead of following the love story of someone else. I think it’s safe to say that we all should focus on creating our own love story.

We forget that, perhaps, these folks went through hell and back to get where they are right now. Getting into a relationship is relatively easy, but it’s staying in it that could be a whole other challenge. Relationships take¬†work, and everyone’s journey to true love is different.

This couple’s story has revealed the true colors of folks on social media. Since their story broke, I’ve witnessed more of a division in the dynamic between men and women in the black communities. Men have been doing more criticizing than congratulating the brotha¬†on doing what he wanted to¬†do with his queen.¬†I’ve seen women publicly criticize the men they’ve dated for not being a “real man” like Alfred. I’ve also seen women criticize the new bride for waiting nine years.

I need y’all to cut it……..

Fellahs…don’t judge a brotha for leveling up on what you haven’t had the courage¬†to do.

Ladies…Stop comparing your significant others (past & present) to a dude you don’t even know. A healthy¬†relationship requires a 50/50 partnership, so stop judging like it’s ALL their fault you’re single and struggling.

The story of the Duncans reveals the problem we have and that’s the huge ass gap between men and women that need¬†to be bridged.¬†There’s also an obvious need for better understanding and communication when¬†it comes to love and relationships.

Let’s stop judging and commend this couple for sharing their beautiful love story, and we should definitely¬†commend Alfred for stepping up and showing the world the love he has for his woman.


I saw this picture circulating on Facebook, and as I read the question, I immediately studied the picture to find an abnormality. All I saw was maturity between parents and step-parents who are coming together in support of a child, and that’s the way it should be. Unfortunately, in today’s society, some families have a difficult time executing this parenting method. Believe it or not, it takes a village to raise a child and I commend this child’s parents for teaming up for the good of their son’s peace… and for their own. The picture doesn’t show what goes on between them in their everyday life. There might’ve been some conflicting drama before this picture was taken. We’ll never know, but from the looks of this photo, they’ve obviously come to some sort of solution. This photo convinces me that they’re in a much more balanced space, as opposed to many other kids who are stuck in the middle of parenting drama.

The only thing I see wrong with this picture is the question.

If we want true love, we have to be responsible for our emotions.

It has taken me a long time to realize that. Being emotionally responsible brings a certain level of balance in a relationship. When we’re responsible emotionally, we see things more clearly. We recognize what we truly want and in the midst of creating that balance, we make ourselves and our partner aware of the importance of not making permanent decisions off¬†of what could be temporary feelings. That’s definitely an act of emotional irresponsibility. When we enter a relationship, chances are we will experience feelings of gratitude towards our partner, without fully getting to know who our partner truly is. Emotional responsibility prevents you from acting on emotions and forces you to see things for what it could really be.

Patience is the key ingredient to practicing emotional responsibility and a surefire way to land you the true love you deserve.

Like part of 1 Corinthians 13:4 say, “Love is patient”.

Being emotionally irresponsible makes you impatient and that’s not a good look. ¬†Impatience is a reflection of desperation and anxiety.

The next time you meet someone and you feel things are going to another level, I’d encourage you to inhale and exhale deeply, take your time, and think/act with your mind…not with your heart. Be emotionally responsible and see how far that will take you. True love awaits you but will only reveal itself to you when you can prove handling a mature relationship and keep you emotions in check while doing so.

Don’t rush…don’t react on impulse….take things slow…and get to know the person who’s captured your heart. finding out who your partner is from the inside out is very necessary if you want your relationship to be long term.

You’d think in a world full of options, we would find someone who complements us and is the complete package. The issue is those options, sometimes, feed the temptation we carry with more than one plate.¬†

Some of us have compartmentalized relationships. We  have someone for sex, someone for dating without sex, and/or a person who you see yourself at the altar but still uncertain.

I’m torn

Half of me agree that we should keep our options open, but the other half of me wonders why we cannot find one person who has everything we need. Are we overlooking them? Are we trying to find them in the wrong places? Are we too shallow to look beyond what they do for a living, how much they make, and where they live?

There are billions of people on Earth, millions in our state, and thousands in our city. There’s SOMEONE out there who is the complete package for us. Somehow, we’re getting caught up in getting our needs met from different people, but what does that say about us?

It’s my belief that those of us who have¬†compartmentalized relationships find it difficult to detach ourselves from singlehood, so we place our needs in the hands of different people who can fulfill them…all while trying to decide who’s worth sharing all of ourselves with. We’re also cautious about getting hurt. We don’t want to get hurt, so we’re “playing it safe”.

We’re not committing to one person¬†until something feels right. Unfortunately, this behavior will only hurt us in the long run. As long as we continue to assign roles to different people, we’ll never be fully satisfied and will have a hard time building true love. In the deepest sense, love involves sharing all parts of ourselves with only one person. You build love with this person with trusting each other enough to fulfill ALL of your needs and so much more.

Dating more than one person is okay if you’re not looking for a committed relationship, but if you are, I’d urge you build the courage to let go of the underlying fear of failure and give one person a chance to build something with you. Until then, you’ll continue to give pieces of yourselves, until there’s nothing inside of you left. An emotionally empty person will never be able to love another.



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