A letter to a friend:
Blended families are NEVER easy, but here’s why I don’t have a lot of sympathy for your situation because… we CHOOSE them. When I married Will, I knew Trey was part of the package…Period! If I didn’t want that…I needed to marry someone else. Then I learned if I am going to love Trey…I had to learn to love the most important person in the world to him…his mother. And the two of us may not have always LIKED each other… but we have learned to LOVE each other.
I can’t support any actions that keep a man from his children of a previous marriage. These are the situations that separate the women from the girls. Your behavior is that of an insecure child who needs to recognize her own weaknesses that MUST be strengthened to take on the task at hand. We can’t say we love our man and then come in between him and his children. THAT’S selfishness…NOT love. WOMAN UP… I’ve been there…I know. My blended family made me a giant… Taught me so much about love, commitment and it has been the biggest ego death to date. It’s time you let your blended family make you the giant you truly are.
This is a letter that Jada Pinkett-Smith penned in 2013 to the selfish moms in Facebook land. While reading this, I was impressed at Mrs. Smith’s level of maturity, as she openly shared her need to not only embrace Will’s first child but his mother (Sheree Fletcher) as well.
As times changed, so did the structure of families. A couple who marries and starts a family afterwards is the ideal way, but it’s not the reality for a lot of couples today. In reality, a lot of us has had children out-of-wedlock but is still blessed to find love. Accepting each other’s kids gives you both an uber amount of kudos. Coming into the relationship, you already knew they were a package. You both plan to marry and that’s wonderful. However, for whatever reason, you can’t bring yourself to like the parent of your future step-child.
This is where you have to evaluate your level of maturity or lack thereof. As Jada mentioned…if you love the child, you have to find a way to love the person who brought your step-child into the world. I’m sure after years of animosity, it could be a struggle, but making peace is what keeps a family together. Your peace, acceptance, and love is the glue that keeps the family together. Remember when you marry, you are co-parenting with not only your husband but with his child’s mother, too! The three of you have to work as a team, no matter what happened in the past. You’d be surprised at the dynamic between you and her. Teaming up could not only strengthen the friendship between you and her, but your man will see your effort and fall more in love with you.
Letting go of any resentment or animosity is necessary to make blended families a peaceful family. Never think it’s your right to come between your husband and his child because you don’t get along with the child’s mother. Not only are you being childish and selfish, but your behavior will strip that child of his right to be raised in a positive and stress-free household. You also subconsciously make that child have to “choose sides”.
Let go….forgive….move on…love
these are the four keys to help strengthen the bond of your blended family.
If you or someone you know is struggling with making peace, send them this post.
As always, thanks for reading. 🙂