Let’s face it…a grown ass man doing grown ass things is one of the sexiest traits a grown male adult could ever have. I mean…what’s sexier than being a responsible, considerate, and thoughtful adult who basically does what he says he’s gonna do?

When you’re a grown ass man who does good, you deserve everything your heart desires, PLUS some more stuff!  I think I can speak for some of the ladies when I say your grownassism is also a huge turn-on. A grown ass man has a certain level of maturity that goes deeper than age. It’s all in how he represents himself and how they see and understand things.

There are many ways to execute being a grown ass man, but here are FIVE that sticks out and are winners with the ladies!

Being upfront~ There’s never a guessing game when you have a conversation with a grown ass man. He will tell you why he’s upset or happy. He will share details about his day and ask about yours. If you need advice, he’ll communicate his to the best of his knowledge. Even texting each other is a delight, because it’s just a quicker form of the meaningful conversations you have when you’re on the phone. There’s also no inevitable power struggle with guessing who will text who first. That’s something high-schoolers would do.

 

Self motivated~ If there’s something in his life he wants to improve, he will get it done without any influence from others. He knows what works and will do his best to enhance or change what doesn’t. He accepts that he needs help in certain areas of his life and isn’t ashamed to get the help he needs. He’s a grown ass man who seeks personal improvement.

 

Taking care of the kids~ A grown ass man takes care of his kids, even if he and mom are no longer an item. He takes care of his kids because that’s what he’s supposed to do and he knows it. He doesn’t seek out attention to be celebrated and is pretty modest about compliments about how well he takes care of them. He knows being a father is the greatest responsibility any man could be.

 

Having interests~ A grown ass man has interests other than playing XBox and who he can take home after the club every weekend. He enjoys broadening his horizons by educating himself on things he’s not accustomed to. It could be music, reading material or any other activity that makes life enjoyable. He’ll even encourage you to try a new activity. Now, that’s a grown ass man!

 

Being honest~ If you ask a grown ass man where you stand in the relationship, he will tell you straight up without beating around the bush. You are either his woman or his option. Either way, he wants you to make sure you’ve been given clarity on where you stand with him. It’s up to you to be at peace with how he’ll define his relationship with you. It’s not just about the romantic relationship aspect. When a grown ass man practices general honesty, it only means that he doesn’t sugarcoat for anyone and you’ll have to respect him for that. Although honest folks can be quite blunt, it beats having a conversation with them “beating around the bush”. An HONEST grown ass man will not have you constantly wondering about things. Ask the questions you want answers to, and a grown ass man will give them to you.

 

 

When a woman loves you, she’ll prove it to you in many ways without actually saying those three powerful words. In fact, she may not be ready to tell you for fear of hurt or rejection and most likely will hope you say it first.

Many of us define love in many ways, so it could be hard to pinpoint how we’re feeling when we stare in our potential soul mate’s eyes. However, I feel compelled to reach out to my guys because you guys never seem to have a clue when it comes to love.

I say that with love.

You guys tend to not recognize true love when it comes your way because of the varying perceptions of love that’s been embedded in your minds from past experiences.

The whole point of this piece is to recognize the signs from her because honestly, we all have come across someone who will tell you they love you but their actions scream the complete opposite. You could also be with a woman who absolutely loves you but isn’t ready to say it for a few obvious reasons.

 

So, how do you know if she’s in love with you? If she shows these 10 signs, she is definitely in love with you!

 

  1. She gets every opportunity to stare into your eyes– They say the eyes are the windows to your soul. When she gazes into yours, she tries to see what your soul looks like. If you see her smile and/or blush as she gazes, she is just smitten with you. 
  2. She treats you like a priority– Someone who’s into you will make time for you. Whether it’s quality time or putting aside time to call and see about you says a lot about how important you are to her.
  3. She sees a future with you in it– If she includes you in her future short and long term plans, she is letting you know she isn’t going anywhere.
  4. She misses you when you’re not around– She thinks of you often when your absent and she reminds you every chance she gets until she sees you again.
  5. She won’t leave you hanging– In other words, she’ll keep you informed about her; what her day was like, what she’s done, and what she plans to do. It’s important to her that you know things. Not because she feels she need to, but because she wants to.
  6. Your happiness is important to her– When she loves you, your happiness is hers. She will try to avoid doing things that will make you unhappy and will make small/big efforts to keep a smile on your face.
  7. She sees and accepts you– Being in love is not just about how she feels. When she sees you, she values the kind of person that you are. She’s observant and remembers certain details about what you wore on a particular day, what you’ve said during a past conversation, etc. She notices how you interact with family, friends, how you express yourself and how you process emotions. She appreciates who you are and accepts the full scope of your being, whether your good habits or bad habits.
  8. She wants to be a part of your life– She’s letting you know that she’s investing into this relationship. Not only is she making it clear that she wants a future with you, she wants to be a part of your current world. She wants to see your world as you see it. She wants to know about your hobbies, your passions, and connect with them as much as time allows.
  9. She cuts off other guys– Nothing says love like dropping other dudes like bad habits. When she feels like there’s a genuine connection with you, she puts the brakes on other relationships to focus on the one guy she cares more about…You. That’s a surefire sign she’s taking you seriously.
  10. She wants you to meet her family and friends– When she’s in love with you, she wants to show you off to her loved ones. Feeling comfortable enough to introduce you to her kid(s) is definitely a surefire sign, considering how risky that could be. Meeting her kids assures you of the confidence she has about the relationship. She also cannot wait for you to meet her parents, siblings, friends, etc. She looks forward to meeting your loved ones. She’ll be nervous because she wants to make a good first impression, but she’ll be excited, nonetheless.

If she’s shown all of or even a few of these signs, then it’s time to act on the knowledge. If you’re both feeling the same way —communicate those feelings then celebrate the beautiful discovery together. But if you’re not feeling the same way, it’s time to have the tough, but much-needed conversation with her about why you cannot reciprocate those feelings. No one likes rejection, but being honest and straightforward with her will make her respect you and your decision more.

Because Father’s Day is soon approaching, I feel compelled to share my opinion on the peculiar actions of women who are single mothers and how they feel the need to celebrate Father’s Day….as a single mother.

Let me say that if you are a single mother and you celebrate Father’s Day, then that’s your perogative. Who am I to tell you that you shouldn’t? Who am I to say that your kid shouldn’t give you a card on Father’s Day? You can celebrate however you choose, but the fact is… it doesn’t make it right or fair to those great and responsible fathers who takes care of their kids. You’re taking away a day that’s meant for them because you’re bitter about went down between you and your kid(s) father.

As a mother, I commend the single mothers who are forced to take on both roles. It can be a really tough job but you get things done for your children and you should be proud. We have Mother’s Day or ANY day to celebrate your parental accomplishments!

However, Father’s Day should be a day to recognize FATHERS who are actively in their children’s lives and doing it well.

A lot of single mothers take to social media to bash the dead-beat dads in their lives on Father’s Day!  I use to always wonder why they choose Father’s Day to disparage the men that they’ve slept with, but it’s so obvious why!

It’s the one day, they are reminded ALL DAY why they’re in the situation that they’re in.

I get it!

It becomes problematic when we don’t take the time to focus on the men in our lives who ARE good fathers. The energy these single mothers use to bash their deadbeat baby daddy is the same amount energy they could use to take the time to recognize a dad who is doing the damn thing!

You deprecate Father’s Day because of the one man in your life who doesn’t take on his parental duties as he should. While it’s okay to be upset about that, it doesn’t give you the right to dim the light on those who does.

It’s THEIR day….not yours.

Father’s Day is also not “Bash your Babydaddy Day”, so cut it out.

Get off social media, go on about your day as you normally would, and just continue to care and love your child without wasting time on parental foolishness. We see you taking on extra responsibility as a parent and we applaud you.

Just let the dads have their day.

You don’t see any of the good fathers and father figures, claiming Mother’s Day.

 

Edited to Add: This doesn’t pertain to those moms who were forced to take on both roles due to incarceration, death, or a disability. Just wanted to make that clear.

I had a conversation with my ten-year-old son one day and it became apparent to me that telling him he is beautiful and he matters is just as important as me telling his sister. I suggested this to his father, which he agreed, of course, because that kind of message to a boy from his father holds greater impact.

It’s imperative that assuring our black boys that they are important to us and their lives should be valued by others, as well as themselves, be done daily. It’s a significant method and should be a constant reminder as they grow into adulthood while dealing with being labeled as a threat to American society.

The streets are tough on our boys, the government doesn’t care about our boys, and the justice system is not for them.

Telling them that they matter constantly will instill a certain level of confidence in them; a certain confidence that transitions into self-worth, self-respect, and the development of a productive young man with the ability to make good decisions. Will that change the way a racist trigger-happy cop sees them? Probably not. However, I’m convinced that how a young black boy views himself is how the world will view him and that might actually save his life one day.

Dad, let your encouraging words to your son become the foundation to his personal evolution while living in a world that tells him that his life isn’t valuable. He needs to know that while growing up in a society that tells him how much of a threat he is, it’s vital for him to do what he can to prove otherwise.

When you know better about yourself, you do better to keep evolving.

 

Tell your sons that they matter.

Dads, I’d also urge you to show vulnerability when you’re with your son because it’s okay to be. It’s difficult for men to drop their hard exterior because they were conditioned to “tough it up”. Showing emotion and being vulnerable is considered a feminine act. Truth be told, if males aren’t emotional then there wouldn’t be genocide, violence against women, and sexual harassment in the workforce, but I digress. This behavior is an ongoing cycle in black families, which undoubtedly, will eventually transition into some turbulent behavior.

 

Tell your sons they matter

 

Not only for them but for yourself as their parent. It’s you that they come to for needed advice, a shoulder to lean on, and security. As their father, you are their protector…not just in a physical sense, but also in an emotional sense and mental sense. Whether you want to believe it or not, they are a carbon copy of you. They soak up everything about you like a sponge and they’ll repeat what they’ve observed and learned from you. They observe you when you think they aren’t paying attention. A child is a recycled version of their parents. Think about it.

Tell your sons they matter

 

You’ll never know how your encouraging words will affect them.

 

 

Hey guy….

If you’re reading this then you or someone you know has been put in this tough situation and don’t know how to deal. Whether you’ve dated a woman and things didn’t work out or you were placed there from the get-go, You being in the friend zone may not be a bad thing.

Let me share why…

It all boils down to the good guy Vs. the bad guy standards. It’s been known that ladies fall for the bad guy types because good guys are most likely considered boring, too nice, a little on the soft side( not confrontational), and lack good looks. As shallow and stupid as that may seem, women who go by this have no shame in admitting that. At least 60% of a successful relationship involves physical attraction. The rest of the % involves trust, respect, and of course love. If a woman is not physically attracted to you, she will not care about how queen-like you’ll treat her. Her motto is I can get all of that with a dude that I find attractive. I deserve EVERYTHING I want by a man I DESIRE. I’m pretty sure it leaves a huge blue and purple bruise on your ego and probably downgraded your confidence below 50%. However, it’s doing you guys a favor by weeding out the chicks who don’t deserve your energy and love, anyway. Truth be told… EVERYBODY is unattractive to someone. There’s a lady out there who thinks you’re sexy as hell. She’ll be the lucky woman who you’ll treat like a queen because she’ll accept your crown with appreciation.

What about the ones who goes for the bad guy types?

Because they love those tough hood guys with killer bodies and facial features to match, It’s pretty obvious that they’ll end up fighting for respect, loyalty and love. They’ll have to deal with the possibility of him being unfaithful because his good looks attract a lot of vagina. His “hoodness” could possibly keep him in trouble with the law, or just his overall attitude towards his woman because she allows it

There’s the saying “be careful what you ask for because you might just get it.”

Women want a bad guy type but don’t want the “bad” that comes with it. It’s that weird connection to being attracted to not just “a bad guy” but also drama. Some people get off on drama and when they carry it into their relationship, they’ll either mask it as passionate or that it’s a sign of really being in love. I’d wish both men and women realized that if someone really loves you, then they wouldn’t put you through too much emotional turmoil. A lot of people deal with drama in their relationships, because they feel it’s better than being alone. I use to hear the quote all the time “You’re not in a happy and healthy relationship if you don’t argue or fight once in a while.”

That’s complete bullshit.

There’s a difference between expressing a difference in opinions and just being downright disrespectful towards one another. The line between the two is not that thin. Talking to each other to come up with a solution is healthy. Over-talking each other and yelling is not.

Meanwhile…

Her “friend” which is you, my dear, is enjoying life with your new boo. So, thank your friend who put you where you needed to be. Don’t forget to pray for her. Some women don’t mean harm but the rest doesn’t care. Either way, you were placed in the friend zone and for good reason.

WhenVanity Fair’ featured Michael B. Jordan and Ryan Coogler for their Style Disrupters feature, they had no idea their photo would spark so much controversy. The photo is of Michael and Ryan, who have teamed up twice for the movies ‘Fruitvale Station’ and ‘Creed’, in a position that is apparently considered a “man law violation”, as Michael places his hand on Ryan’s head.

For some of us who has no problem with it, we look at this photo as a portrayal of brotherly love. The rest of us thinks that two men shouldn’t touch each other, which is beyond ridiculous.

I have several problems with folks who are disturbed by this image, particularly the men because the majority of folks who are disturbed are you guys.

I’m surprised…but I’m not surprised.

Why?

Because we live in a world full of men who are conditioned to believe that anything more than a simple handshake or a hug with the opposite shoulders touching emasculates them.

Men are quick to say this “looks gay”, simply because they’ve never believed in showing vulnerability…especially around &/or with other males.

We are all placed in a position in society where we’re damned if we are and damned if we aren’t. Most of the critics noted that they’re “two grown men”. My question is what if they were father and son? Would that make a difference? Other critics said that the image “looks gay”. What if they are gay? Would it make sense to you or deepen your disapproval? Homophobia is rampant, but that’s a whole other thought piece!

Why can’t this image evoke brotherhood between the two like how the rest of us sees it? Male bonding is in no way effeminate, and to appreciate an image like this or to even take a pic like this doesn’t lessen your manhood. It’s important for us to support positive black male images because the world does a great job of making the black male angry and a threat. Media plays a huge part in that, so images like these are what’s needed to prove that they’re not. The fact that this image raises suspicion and makes people uncomfortable proves that we still have a long way to go when it comes to toxic masculinity.

 

 

 

Despite my warnings in my previous post, Older Woman and Younger Men, I think men in their twenties should experience an older woman, AT LEAST, once in their lifetime. 10 years, 20 years, or even 30 years if you like that kind of maturity, is what I consider “a treat” for guys who are often seeking a woman who doesn’t exhibit that needy persona, unlike women around their age that tend to do. An older woman for a guy is not only fun to be around but she provides an emotional and sexual security blanket for him; something he’ll appreciate.

Your stamina with the experience of an older woman makes a great sexual connection. Your thrive to be “adventurous” and an older woman’s confidence and youthfulness is what makes great chemistry. As long as you’re both adults, know what you both want, and using protection, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you guys dating older. If you’re only seeking out women in your age bracket, you’re missing out!

 

Guys should date older for a number of reasons….

She doesn’t need you, she wants you.

She plays be her own rules without the influence of her girlfriends

She knows what she wants and doesn’t want

She has her own life

She will OWN YOU under the sheets and you will love it

She has her own life and will not need too much of your time

She’s fun to be around

She can teach you a few critical life lessons that you can implement in your own life

 

Keep in mind that older doesn’t always mean wiser. In some cases, single women in their 30s and 40s are still struggling with relationships for various reasons. As a result, you guys should proceed with caution because a lot of those women act on emotions. However, the more evolved a woman become after each failed relationship, the better she becomes at checking herself. It really depends on if she knows what she wants.

The dehydration is real in these internet streets

As an active social media user, I’ve seen my fair share of MEN who post, at least, one ‘thirst trap’ a day.

What is a ‘thirst trap’, you ask?

Basically, it’s any image or statement posted to receive attention or to seek validation from others. The image could be of the person who is half-naked, and the statement could come off as if the person is auctioning off their heart, or even sex organ, to the highest bidder of the opposite sex with the best reaction. People, in general, would consider this behavior as something only a woman would do, but chile’, let me tell you! If I was given a dollar for every screenshot opportunity, I’d be rich!

thegame

From “Average Joe” the Facebook friend to public figures, it seems like men these days are just as needy for validation as some of our ladies, if not MORE needy. Social media have definitely unleashed a new breed of men who thinks that posting numerous videos of themselves working out with no shirt on, with his chest freshly coated with baby oil is a great way to network. We already know you’re cut up, so cut it out! Unless you’re a fitness trainer promoting your stuff, I don’t see the point, other than to see how many likes you’ll get from your fan base.

OR…how about those guys who makes it his mission to post images of his material possessions, failing to realize he’s overcompensating for something he’s lacking in?

OR…how about those guys who posts status updates, which obviously screams loneliness and proves he need a woman?

toosexy

 

You guys’ peculiar ways of showing the world that you’re good-looking and boyfriend material is a BIG RED INSECURITY FLAG. Trust me when I say the right woman will already see that way beyond what you post on social media. If you have a great personality, you’re already #winning.

black-man-drink-e1427386294376

Public figures, on the other hand, will use their bodies in particular to promote their work, so I’ll give a FEW of them the benefit of the doubt. The rest simply get swelled heads every time a fan expresses their “appreciation”. They ALL love the attention.

Overall, posting attention-seeking messages and images for the obvious reason is not a good look. To a lot of us, we’ll think you’re either lonely or you’re just an extreme narcissist.

 

Someone using their sexy to provoke the opposite sex is like fishing for the biggest fish to fry, but be careful because you can also attract sharks. Not all attention is good attention. Crazy come in all ages, sexes and races.

Before you post your next “workout” video with your oily chest, your car, or a status update confessing why a woman would be lucky to have you, ask yourself who you’re really trying to convince. Your fan base or yourself?

 

Fellahs, I’ve been meaning to ask this question, because I get general mixed signals on how men feel about women who approach them.

Let me first say…a woman can be clever enough to let you know she’s interested in you without actually saying it. A woman can also just tell you without hesitation. Either way, she’s throwing the ball on your side of the court. What she decides to do next, depends on your reaction…or lack thereof.

I’ve heard stories about how some guys don’t pick up the rhythm he’s given from women who’s trying to pursue them. I take it as these guys aren’t used to getting “attention”.

I have also experienced being on one end of the court where the ball was never returned. At that point, I became convinced that ALL guys aren’t fond of being pursued, approached, or however you want to look at it. He was either flattered so much, he didn’t know how to respond, or he just wasn’t interested. Either way, I know he picked up on the rhythm I was giving him, because I’ve never given it to him before.

It leads me to the question, which I’m sure my ladies would like to know the answer to…

Are you flattered when women approach you/show interest OR are you intimidated by them?

 

 

 

 

So, you’re dating a woman for less than a year and things were pretty good between you two during the first few months. After those few months, you begin to notice a change in her behavior, which you consider suspect. Statements like “I wonder what our babies will look like”, is something you thought was “cute” and let slide, until you saw a small bag of newborn baby clothes hiding conveniently behind her nightstand. Ever since then, you’ve gradually watched her “cuteness” transition into an obsessive and needy mess. you’ve questioned yourself and wondered how you got sucked into getting involved with this chick. It’s obviously due to the fact that you like vagina, but sex aside, this lady showed signs of being a well-balanced person in the beginning…or so she seemed.

Here are four signs that you’re dealing with a crazy lady and what you should do accordingly.

Excessive texting and calling– If your lady is texting you at least three times a day with little or no response from you, then she is exhibiting behavior of a needy person. In most cases, she has convinced herself that you are avoiding her. The more she feels that way, the more she needs to hear from you to prove herself wrong.

Solution: Maybe you should consider sharing with her that you’re obviously not much of a phone person and if you are..let her kindly know that you do have a life away from her. Not responding when she wants you to is a sign of being obsessive. Tell her that’s something you won’t stand for and if she can’t accept that you can’t answer or reply to every freakin’ call/text, then she has a problem…not you.

Checking your social media-  If she’s expressed to you that she doesn’t like you “liking” or commenting on your female friends’ social media profiles and vice versa, then she has too much time on her hands.

Solution: Unless she has good reason to insinuate excessive online flirting from you towards other women, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being social. After all…it is social media. Kindly let her know that what you do on your social media is your business and if she doesn’t like it, she can be deleted. No need to be exposed to something that you’re constantly going to have a problem with. By deleting her, you’re doing her a favor by forcing her to break an unhealthy habit of checking your social media and their social media, including going through friend lists, photos, etc. whenever she has free time.

 

 

She wants all of your time– She doesn’t understand that you have other obligations besides combating her separation anxiety.

Solution: This is a good time to evaluate the true meaning behind your relationship with her. Have a conversation with her about her need to be with you all the time. She’s suffering from a fear of abandonment which she developed during a period way before you’ve met her. At this point, you have to ask her about her true intentions about you and why y’all are together.  Are her feelings for you genuine or is she just using you to mask her fear?

 

 

She doesn’t like your female friends (your real life ones)– This has nothing to do with social media. This involves those you’ve known for a long time…some you’ve known since grade school.

Solution: Kindly let her know that they were your friends before you’ve met her and they will continue to be your friends. Platonic friendships shouldn’t be a threat to anyone’s relationship if trust is involved and no lines are being crossed. If you understand that, so should she and if she can’t roll with that…she can bounce.

 

 

When dating, we don’t often see the red flags, because people want to make first and lasting impressions. It’s when we become spoiled when we start doing the MOST. As a woman, I have to say bear with us, guys. A lot of us women who struggle with simplicity in the dating world can do or say things we wouldn’t normally do. When we’re given the right amount of attention, we’re not afraid to do what we can to not lose it. Unfortunately for some of us, we don’t realize how desperate we could look.

Whether you decide to keep seeing your lady or fall back, remember she means no harm. You’re obviously treating her well.

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