Because Father’s Day is soon approaching, I feel compelled to share my opinion on the peculiar actions of women who are single mothers and how they feel the need to celebrate Father’s Day….as a single mother.

Let me say that if you are a single mother and you celebrate Father’s Day, then that’s your perogative. Who am I to tell you that you shouldn’t? Who am I to say that your kid shouldn’t give you a card on Father’s Day? You can celebrate however you choose, but the fact is… it doesn’t make it right or fair to those great and responsible fathers who takes care of their kids. You’re taking away a day that’s meant for them because you’re bitter about went down between you and your kid(s) father.

As a mother, I commend the single mothers who are forced to take on both roles. It can be a really tough job but you get things done for your children and you should be proud. We have Mother’s Day or ANY day to celebrate your parental accomplishments!

However, Father’s Day should be a day to recognize FATHERS who are actively in their children’s lives and doing it well.

A lot of single mothers take to social media to bash the dead-beat dads in their lives on Father’s Day!  I use to always wonder why they choose Father’s Day to disparage the men that they’ve slept with, but it’s so obvious why!

It’s the one day, they are reminded ALL DAY why they’re in the situation that they’re in.

I get it!

It becomes problematic when we don’t take the time to focus on the men in our lives who ARE good fathers. The energy these single mothers use to bash their deadbeat baby daddy is the same amount energy they could use to take the time to recognize a dad who is doing the damn thing!

You deprecate Father’s Day because of the one man in your life who doesn’t take on his parental duties as he should. While it’s okay to be upset about that, it doesn’t give you the right to dim the light on those who does.

It’s THEIR day….not yours.

Father’s Day is also not “Bash your Babydaddy Day”, so cut it out.

Get off social media, go on about your day as you normally would, and just continue to care and love your child without wasting time on parental foolishness. We see you taking on extra responsibility as a parent and we applaud you.

Just let the dads have their day.

You don’t see any of the good fathers and father figures, claiming Mother’s Day.

 

Edited to Add: This doesn’t pertain to those moms who were forced to take on both roles due to incarceration, death, or a disability. Just wanted to make that clear.

I had a conversation with my ten-year-old son one day and it became apparent to me that telling him he is beautiful and he matters is just as important as me telling his sister. I suggested this to his father, which he agreed, of course, because that kind of message to a boy from his father holds greater impact.

It’s imperative that assuring our black boys that they are important to us and their lives should be valued by others, as well as themselves, be done daily. It’s a significant method and should be a constant reminder as they grow into adulthood while dealing with being labeled as a threat to American society.

The streets are tough on our boys, the government doesn’t care about our boys, and the justice system is not for them.

Telling them that they matter constantly will instill a certain level of confidence in them; a certain confidence that transitions into self-worth, self-respect, and the development of a productive young man with the ability to make good decisions. Will that change the way a racist trigger-happy cop sees them? Probably not. However, I’m convinced that how a young black boy views himself is how the world will view him and that might actually save his life one day.

Dad, let your encouraging words to your son become the foundation to his personal evolution while living in a world that tells him that his life isn’t valuable. He needs to know that while growing up in a society that tells him how much of a threat he is, it’s vital for him to do what he can to prove otherwise.

When you know better about yourself, you do better to keep evolving.

 

Tell your sons that they matter.

Dads, I’d also urge you to show vulnerability when you’re with your son because it’s okay to be. It’s difficult for men to drop their hard exterior because they were conditioned to “tough it up”. Showing emotion and being vulnerable is considered a feminine act. Truth be told, if males aren’t emotional then there wouldn’t be genocide, violence against women, and sexual harassment in the workforce, but I digress. This behavior is an ongoing cycle in black families, which undoubtedly, will eventually transition into some turbulent behavior.

 

Tell your sons they matter

 

Not only for them but for yourself as their parent. It’s you that they come to for needed advice, a shoulder to lean on, and security. As their father, you are their protector…not just in a physical sense, but also in an emotional sense and mental sense. Whether you want to believe it or not, they are a carbon copy of you. They soak up everything about you like a sponge and they’ll repeat what they’ve observed and learned from you. They observe you when you think they aren’t paying attention. A child is a recycled version of their parents. Think about it.

Tell your sons they matter

 

You’ll never know how your encouraging words will affect them.

 

 

When a woman loves you, she’ll prove it to you in many ways without actually saying those three powerful words. In fact, she may not be ready to tell you for fear of hurt or rejection and most likely will hope you say it first.

Many of us define love in many ways, so it could be hard to pinpoint how we’re feeling when we stare in our potential soul mate’s eyes. However, I feel compelled to reach out to my guys because you guys never seem to have a clue when it comes to love.

I say that with love.

You guys tend to not recognize true love when it comes your way because of the varying perceptions of love that’s been embedded in your minds from past experiences.

The whole point of this piece is to recognize the signs from her because honestly, we all have come across someone who will tell you they love you but their actions scream the complete opposite. You could also be with a woman who absolutely loves you but isn’t ready to say it for a few obvious reasons.

 

So, how do you know if she’s in love with you? If she shows these 10 signs, she is definitely in love with you!

 

  1. She gets every opportunity to stare into your eyes– They say the eyes are the windows to your soul. When she gazes into yours, she tries to see what your soul looks like. If you see her smile and/or blush as she gazes, she is just smitten with you. 
  2. She treats you like a priority– Someone who’s into you will make time for you. Whether it’s quality time or putting aside time to call and see about you says a lot about how important you are to her.
  3. She sees a future with you in it– If she includes you in her future short and long term plans, she is letting you know she isn’t going anywhere.
  4. She misses you when you’re not around– She thinks of you often when your absent and she reminds you every chance she gets until she sees you again.
  5. She won’t leave you hanging– In other words, she’ll keep you informed about her; what her day was like, what she’s done, and what she plans to do. It’s important to her that you know things. Not because she feels she need to, but because she wants to.
  6. Your happiness is important to her– When she loves you, your happiness is hers. She will try to avoid doing things that will make you unhappy and will make small/big efforts to keep a smile on your face.
  7. She sees and accepts you– Being in love is not just about how she feels. When she sees you, she values the kind of person that you are. She’s observant and remembers certain details about what you wore on a particular day, what you’ve said during a past conversation, etc. She notices how you interact with family, friends, how you express yourself and how you process emotions. She appreciates who you are and accepts the full scope of your being, whether your good habits or bad habits.
  8. She wants to be a part of your life– She’s letting you know that she’s investing into this relationship. Not only is she making it clear that she wants a future with you, she wants to be a part of your current world. She wants to see your world as you see it. She wants to know about your hobbies, your passions, and connect with them as much as time allows.
  9. She cuts off other guys– Nothing says love like dropping other dudes like bad habits. When she feels like there’s a genuine connection with you, she puts the brakes on other relationships to focus on the one guy she cares more about…You. That’s a surefire sign she’s taking you seriously.
  10. She wants you to meet her family and friends– When she’s in love with you, she wants to show you off to her loved ones. Feeling comfortable enough to introduce you to her kid(s) is definitely a surefire sign, considering how risky that could be. Meeting her kids assures you of the confidence she has about the relationship. She also cannot wait for you to meet her parents, siblings, friends, etc. She looks forward to meeting your loved ones. She’ll be nervous because she wants to make a good first impression, but she’ll be excited, nonetheless.

If she’s shown all of or even a few of these signs, then it’s time to act on the knowledge. If you’re both feeling the same way —communicate those feelings then celebrate the beautiful discovery together. But if you’re not feeling the same way, it’s time to have the tough, but much-needed conversation with her about why you cannot reciprocate those feelings. No one likes rejection, but being honest and straightforward with her will make her respect you and your decision more.

Hey guy….

If you’re reading this then you or someone you know has been put in this tough situation and don’t know how to deal. Whether you’ve dated a woman and things didn’t work out or you were placed there from the get-go, You being in the friend zone may not be a bad thing.

Let me share why…

It all boils down to the good guy Vs. the bad guy standards. It’s been known that ladies fall for the bad guy types because good guys are most likely considered boring, too nice, a little on the soft side( not confrontational), and lack good looks. As shallow and stupid as that may seem, women who go by this have no shame in admitting that. At least 60% of a successful relationship involves physical attraction. The rest of the % involves trust, respect, and of course love. If a woman is not physically attracted to you, she will not care about how queen-like you’ll treat her. Her motto is I can get all of that with a dude that I find attractive. I deserve EVERYTHING I want by a man I DESIRE. I’m pretty sure it leaves a huge blue and purple bruise on your ego and probably downgraded your confidence below 50%. However, it’s doing you guys a favor by weeding out the chicks who don’t deserve your energy and love, anyway. Truth be told… EVERYBODY is unattractive to someone. There’s a lady out there who thinks you’re sexy as hell. She’ll be the lucky woman who you’ll treat like a queen because she’ll accept your crown with appreciation.

What about the ones who goes for the bad guy types?

Because they love those tough hood guys with killer bodies and facial features to match, It’s pretty obvious that they’ll end up fighting for respect, loyalty and love. They’ll have to deal with the possibility of him being unfaithful because his good looks attract a lot of vagina. His “hoodness” could possibly keep him in trouble with the law, or just his overall attitude towards his woman because she allows it

There’s the saying “be careful what you ask for because you might just get it.”

Women want a bad guy type but don’t want the “bad” that comes with it. It’s that weird connection to being attracted to not just “a bad guy” but also drama. Some people get off on drama and when they carry it into their relationship, they’ll either mask it as passionate or that it’s a sign of really being in love. I’d wish both men and women realized that if someone really loves you, then they wouldn’t put you through too much emotional turmoil. A lot of people deal with drama in their relationships, because they feel it’s better than being alone. I use to hear the quote all the time “You’re not in a happy and healthy relationship if you don’t argue or fight once in a while.”

That’s complete bullshit.

There’s a difference between expressing a difference in opinions and just being downright disrespectful towards one another. The line between the two is not that thin. Talking to each other to come up with a solution is healthy. Over-talking each other and yelling is not.

Meanwhile…

Her “friend” which is you, my dear, is enjoying life with your new boo. So, thank your friend who put you where you needed to be. Don’t forget to pray for her. Some women don’t mean harm but the rest doesn’t care. Either way, you were placed in the friend zone and for good reason.

Let’s face it…a grown ass man doing grown ass things is one of the sexiest traits a grown male adult could ever have. I mean…what’s sexier than being a responsible, considerate, and thoughtful adult who basically does what he says he’s gonna do?

When you’re a grown ass man who does good, you deserve everything your heart desires, PLUS some more stuff!  I think I can speak for some of the ladies when I say your grownassism is also a huge turn-on. A grown ass man has a certain level of maturity that goes deeper than age. It’s all in how he represents himself and how they see and understand things.

There are many ways to execute being a grown ass man, but here are FIVE that sticks out and are winners with the ladies!

Being upfront~ There’s never a guessing game when you have a conversation with a grown ass man. He will tell you why he’s upset or happy. He will tell share details about his day and ask about yours. If you need advice, he’ll communicate his to the best of his knowledge. Even texting each other is a delight, because it’s just a quicker form of the meaningful conversations you have when you’re on the phone. There’s also no inevitable power struggle with guessing who will text who first. That’s something high-schoolers would do.

 

Self motivated~ If there’s something in his life he wants to improve, he will get it done without any influence from others. He knows what works and will do his best to enhance or change what doesn’t. He accepts that he needs help in certain areas of his life and isn’t ashamed to get the help he needs. He’s a grown ass man who seeks personal improvement.

 

Taking care of the kids~ A grown ass man takes care of his kids, even if he and mom are no longer an item. He takes care of his kids because that’s what he’s supposed to do and he knows it. He doesn’t seek out attention to be celebrated and is pretty modest about compliments about how well he takes care of them. He knows being a father is the greatest responsibility any man could be.

 

Having interests~ A grown ass man has interests other than playing XBox and who he can take home after the club every weekend. He enjoys broadening his horizons by educating himself on things he’s not accustomed to. It could be music, reading material or any other activity that makes life enjoyable. He’ll even encourage you to try a new activity. Now, that’s a grown ass man!

 

Being honest~ If you ask a grown ass man hwhere you stand in the relationship, he will tell you straight up without beating around the bush. You are either his woman or his option. Either way, he wants you to make sure you’ve been given clarity on where you stand with him. It’s up to you to be at peace with how he’ll define his relationship with you. It’s not just about the romantic relationship aspect. When a grown ass man practices general honesty, it only means that he doesn’t sugarcoat for anyone and you’ll have to respect him for that. Although honest folks can be quite blunt, it beats having a conversation with them “beating around the bush”. An HONEST grown ass man will not have you constantly wondering about things. Ask the questions you want answers to, and a grown ass man will give them to you.

 

 

WhenVanity Fair’ featured Michael B. Jordan and Ryan Coogler for their Style Disrupters feature, they had no idea their photo would spark so much controversy. The photo is of Michael and Ryan, who have teamed up twice for the movies ‘Fruitvale Station’ and ‘Creed’, in a position that is apparently considered a “man law violation”, as Michael places his hand on Ryan’s head.

For some of us who has no problem with it, we look at this photo as a portrayal of brotherly love. The rest of us thinks that two men shouldn’t touch each other, which is beyond ridiculous.

I have several problems with folks who are disturbed by this image, particularly the men because the majority of folks who are disturbed are you guys.

I’m surprised…but I’m not surprised.

Why?

Because we live in a world full of men who are conditioned to believe that anything more than a simple handshake or a hug with the opposite shoulders touching emasculates them.

Men are quick to say this “looks gay”, simply because they’ve never believed in showing vulnerability…especially around &/or with other males.

We are all placed in a position in society where we’re damned if we are and damned if we aren’t. Most of the critics noted that they’re “two grown men”. My question is what if they were father and son? Would that make a difference? Other critics said that the image “looks gay”. What if they are gay? Would it make sense to you or deepen your disapproval? Homophobia is rampant, but that’s a whole other thought piece!

Why can’t this image evoke brotherhood between the two like how the rest of us sees it? Male bonding is in no way effeminate, and to appreciate an image like this or to even take a pic like this doesn’t lessen your manhood. It’s important for us to support positive black male images because the world does a great job of making the black male angry and a threat. Media plays a huge part in that, so images like these are what’s needed to prove that they’re not. The fact that this image raises suspicion and makes people uncomfortable proves that we still have a long way to go when it comes to toxic masculinity.