Women are competitive with each other by nature. We don’t mean to be, but we always manage to put ourselves in an emotional position to try to “do better” than the next chick. Especially when it involves a man who they’re both dating. Men use this behavior from women to their full advantage. While I can say that some women wouldn’t waste their time or energy competing with another woman for a man’s attention, it’s the rest of you that fully believes in the term “fight for your man”. It’s bad enough that both of you women are allowing a dude to mistreat you, but it’s doubly wrong when you both are aware of each other. Instead of checking him, you go for each other’s blood, trying to win him over. Neither one of you is realizing the fact that dude is playin’ the both of you!  While you two are playing “Tug-of-War” with his attention span, he’s either at his boy’s crib, talking and laughing about how dumb y’all look over a game of Spades, or somewhere else building something meaningful with an ambitious chick.

The fact that a man is involved with another woman means nothing to a woman who’d rather fight than walk away with her dignity, because in their minds, he’s with the wrong one. They’ll try to prove that over and over by doing double overtime on exposing the other chick’s weaknesses and flaws. Her plan is to exploit the other chick’s flaws to make herself look good, hoping that will convince the man to cut her off.

Let’s not forget about the women on power trips. She may not even be into the guy like that, but she just doesn’t want to lose to the other woman. The extra flirting, the overwhelming need to keep him pleased, and the constant need to put the other woman down are all qualities of a woman determined to win him over–anticipating the feeling of power over the other woman.

If you’re reading this post and it seems very familiar to you. I want you to think long and hard about how you’d look in this man’s eyes. This man you obviously is “head-over-heels” for. He has you doing things you thought you’d never do, because you don’t want to lose him to the other chick. Honestly darlin’…you’ve lost him before you even got him. That may not make sense now, but when you sit and think about all the silly shit you’ve done, it’ll sink in. A guy is really not that into you when he has another woman he’s dealing with. Use your common sense. Any guy that chooses to exercise his options will continue to do so, especially if you’re aware of it. How mad can you be with him when you spend time competing for his full attention with all of your extra “girlfriend privileges”? You are not special…you are simply a woman he’s using as a “placeholder” until someone genuinely special comes along..and that could go for the both of you.

All of those extra privileges you’re giving him, you could be giving to a dude who won’t have you out here, looking 10-karat stupid. If a dude is really into you, the one thing you’ll never have to do is fight for his attention.

 

When we are in a fresh relationship, we tend to stop doing the things we were doing for ourselves before we become in one. Our main goal once we commit is keeping our mate happy, by all means necessary. We don’t mean to put ourselves on the back-burner, but it feels so good to be in a relationship, we shift our priorities, because we feel that our significant others are important. We forget that to keep a healthy relationship, we must, sometimes, put ourselves first.

The moment we make our relationship official, we tend to make decisions revolving around our mates. That’s totally normal, except we’ve forgotten about our plans, our goals, our LIFE.

Here are 3 ways we lose ourselves in a relationship.

 

Dimming your light– What I mean by this is if you have an opportunity to be greater than you already are, then take it. Don’t try to spare your mate’s feelings or ego by turning down any opportunity that would involve more travel, more success, or provide you with more financial stability. You would also turn down these opportunities for fear of losing him/her. Don’t do yourself the disservice.

Not honoring your commitments to yourself– Before going into a relationship, you had all kinds of goals that you wanted to accomplish. Now that you have a significant other, your personal goals are no longer a priority. It’s my belief that a goal-oriented person has one of the qualities that men/women find attractive. So, why stop your personal goals and your life plans because you have a “boo”?

Neglecting your feelings– When our significant other does something we don’t agree with, we keep our thoughts and/or opinions to ourselves to spare an argument. As a result, we neglect our feelings to keep them satisfied. Disregarding how we truly feel about situations is never a good thing. Like a pipe, when there’s enough pressure, that pipe will bust. All of the feelings you’re holding in, will eventually make you bust…just like that pipe! Express to your significant other about how you really feel about things. Sharing what you like and dislike with your partner may lessen the chances for an argument.

 

We all know at least two people who will tell you they don’t mind being single even if they are for the rest of their lives. Not only are they lying to you, but they are in complete denial and bullshittin’ themselves.

Everyone wants love…everyone needs love….everyone wants to eventually get caught up & do that forever happily ever after relationship, wedding vows and all. There’s no logical reason for anyone wanting to stay single. I can understand wanting to be single for the moment.

Maybe you’ve just ended a relationship and need time to heal

I get that…

but those artificial reasons are wack.

I like the freedom to do anything I want to do.

I like my options

I don’t have time to be in a relationship.

Those excuses are all masks to cover up how you really feel. You don’t want to let your guard down and let love in, so you use the “I’m Good” mentality as a defense mechanism. There’s always some underlying fear of commitment for various reasons, but for the most part..you’re scared. You want to be in a relationship…you just don’t want to get hurt. If men and women value relationships like they should, they’d understand that freedom as well as space are essential ingredients for a healthy loving relationship. Even a couple deeply in love doesn’t want to be in each other’s face all the time. That’s relationship killer potential! Giving each other some space and freedom between cuddling and sucking face is guaranteed to keep the relationship spicy.

Men and women deal with this “I’m good” mentality differently. Women become dishonest with themselves the moment their guy proves he’s not ready for a commitment. For example, if a guy actually tells you that he won’t get mad if you see other guys, he’s telling you that he’s going to see other women. However, you my luv, will act like what he told you didn’t bother you (or practice selective hearing). You pretend “you’re good” out of fear of getting rejected, so you play along. Men see right through that and will use it to their full advantage. Men, however, will keep their options open with insecure women who don’t know any better. The ones who will use their vagina as bait for months to hold on to men who they’re uncertain loves them. He’ll continue to use them until the right one puts her foot down and demands what she wants. He’ll use that “I’m good” excuse until SHE comes along.

Not having time to be in a relationship is complete bullshit. If you can make time getting to know someone, have sex, and do relationship-type things to keep their attention, then you have time to be in a relationship.

It’s all about being honest with yourself. Your dude or lady will probably respect you more if you are honest about wanting a relationship from the beginning. Get rid of the fear of getting used or hurt. Everybody has at some point in their lives. It’s all about who you feel is worth the sacrifice of your heart and trusting the process.

Give it a chance. You may actually become pleasantly surprised at the outcome 🙂

When getting to know someone, we are quick to assume that because they’ve impressed us, they will eventually give us what we need when it comes to relationships.

We burst our own bubble when we realize that our partners are finding ineffective ways to meet our needs and we are left disappointed among other things.

No relationship is perfect and not everyone is perfect, including ourselves. Let’s pinpoint the fact that if we don’t  know what we need emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and/or physically, or don’t know how to take care of our own heart, then we will unconsciously expect someone else to. We’re putting responsibilities on someone who has absolutely nothing to do with our well-being.

We can’t expect our partners to meet our needs when we can’t meet them ourselves. Expectations, among other things, is what kills relationships! Once we realize that, we’ll have a greater chance at better communication and better understanding.

We try to justify our actions when we claim “He/she’s not treating you the way you need to be treated”, when in fact, you’re not treating YOURSELF the way you need to be treated.

It’s time to stop pointing fingers and evaluate where the core problem lies.

It’s you…and always has been you.

Until you become aware of your responsibility, you will always look to your partner and it’s not fair to either one of you.

Just remember, if down the line you two don’t work out, you will feel emotionally drained because you left your heart in the hands of a person who couldn’t do a job that was meant for you.

You want to be well enough to the point where you can let go with emotional responsibility and move on peacefully.

We all owe ourselves that.

Never go into a relationship with expectations, especially if you’re lacking in self-awareness. If you want a healthy relationship, make sure you know yourself and recognize your needs first.

 

 

 

What’s the most common excuse that single people use when we experience the shortcomings of someone we’re dating?

“(S)He’s just not my type.”

The older I’ve got, the less I’ve relied on having types. In fact, having a type has been pretty much non-existent for me. I’ve learned that we could truly miss out on blessings if we focus on the “must haves” and the “should nevers”. The person whose minor shortcomings you put too much focus on could have the biggest heart and treat you like you belong on a throne.

If we really think about it, our “type” could also reflect our desire to date someone that’s similar to us. However, there’s a disadvantage to that. There’s a saying that we are who we attract. If you’re a weirdo, you’re gonna attract a weirdo. If you’re emotionally messy, you’re gonna attract an even more emotionally messy person, so dating your type could be like  messing with a double-edged sword. Be careful.

 

Personality, looks, and similar interests all play a role in determining our ideal type but remember, if your goal is long term relationship with possible marriage, none of that matters if their heart is not in the right place with yours. You guys could be in sink goal-wise and even with similar interests, but that person could also be an asshole.

Choose wisely.

Better yet, get rid of the idea of having “a type”. It shouldn’t matter if they’re too short, too tall, too nice, etc. Get rid of your shallow-like behavior and try giving that short person, that tall person, or that “too nice” person a chance. So what if this person’s job is at a pizza delivery spot? Every experience has a story behind it, so don’t judge. This is where overlooking their shortcomings (according to you) won’t hurt because you’re  trying something that doesn’t fit the mold. Breaking away from your type can be a very good thing.

 

As far as adding this video, I have no reason other than it goes with the message in my blog…LOL

Enjoy

When we’re getting over a break-up, we usually consider it one of the worst things that could happen. Getting over someone who you’ve invested your time and heart in is like getting over the death of a loved one. The bad thing is you’re no longer a couple, which you believed you guys would be forever.

Two good things about the break-up?

Death is not involved, so you can still curse them out until your heart’s content…and the doozy…..it could be the catalyst for change that your spirit need. We don’t often pay attention to the good that can come out of a break-up and one of those goods is the chance for self-preparation. Self-preparation requires awareness, creating space for opportunities, emotional and spiritual growth, and acknowledging what your ex has subconsciously taught you.

Your ex has actually taught you many things, including what you deserve and what you’re worthy of. If you are the one that has caused the break-up, consider that you’ve made mistakes and you could learn to not repeat them in your next relationship. We’re all human, so we will fuck up. What matters is that we acknowledge them, make peace with them, learn from them, and move on. Not only have you been given the chance to be freed from a person who was obviously not right for you, but you’ll discover more about yourself that you may not have discovered if you were still with that person. Consider your break-up a blessing in disguise!

Your ex has prepared you for your next, meaning you have gone through the worst in your past relationship to end up with the best relationship you’ll ever have. Your break-up gives you the opportunity to grow, figure out what you really want and heighten the confidence and self-love that you’ve lost while in your toxic relationship. As a result, you become your own lesson’s project when you meet your future mate. Your break-up also gives you the opportunity to create a space for one who deserves to occupy it. That person will instill the lessons that you’ve shared and utilize them for the sake of a healthier relationship.

We all go through trials and errors in life and a break-up is no exception. However, remember that a break-up doesn’t have to break you down. Take the good out of it, learn from it, utilize the time as a single person for your benefit, and when the time comes when you’re ready for your next relationship, you’ll have even more to offer than before.

Hey guy….

If you’re reading this then you or someone you know has been put in this tough situation and don’t know how to deal. Whether you’ve dated a woman and things didn’t work out or you were placed there from the get-go, You being in the friend zone may not be a bad thing.

Let me share why…

It all boils down to the good guy Vs. the bad guy standards. It’s been known that ladies fall for the bad guy types because good guys are most likely considered boring, too nice, a little on the soft side( not confrontational), and lack good looks. As shallow and stupid as that may seem, women who go by this have no shame in admitting that. At least 60% of a successful relationship involves physical attraction. The rest of the % involves trust, respect, and of course love. If a woman is not physically attracted to you, she will not care about how queen-like you’ll treat her. Her motto is I can get all of that with a dude that I find attractive. I deserve EVERYTHING I want by a man I DESIRE. I’m pretty sure it leaves a huge blue and purple bruise on your ego and probably downgraded your confidence below 50%. However, it’s doing you guys a favor by weeding out the chicks who don’t deserve your energy and love, anyway. Truth be told… EVERYBODY is unattractive to someone. There’s a lady out there who thinks you’re sexy as hell. She’ll be the lucky woman who you’ll treat like a queen because she’ll accept your crown with appreciation.

What about the ones who goes for the bad guy types?

Because they love those tough hood guys with killer bodies and facial features to match, It’s pretty obvious that they’ll end up fighting for respect, loyalty and love. They’ll have to deal with the possibility of him being unfaithful because his good looks attract a lot of vagina. His “hoodness” could possibly keep him in trouble with the law, or just his overall attitude towards his woman because she allows it

There’s the saying “be careful what you ask for because you might just get it.”

Women want a bad guy type but don’t want the “bad” that comes with it. It’s that weird connection to being attracted to not just “a bad guy” but also drama. Some people get off on drama and when they carry it into their relationship, they’ll either mask it as passionate or that it’s a sign of really being in love. I’d wish both men and women realized that if someone really loves you, then they wouldn’t put you through too much emotional turmoil. A lot of people deal with drama in their relationships, because they feel it’s better than being alone. I use to hear the quote all the time “You’re not in a happy and healthy relationship if you don’t argue or fight once in a while.”

That’s complete bullshit.

There’s a difference between expressing a difference in opinions and just being downright disrespectful towards one another. The line between the two is not that thin. Talking to each other to come up with a solution is healthy. Over-talking each other and yelling is not.

Meanwhile…

Her “friend” which is you, my dear, is enjoying life with your new boo. So, thank your friend who put you where you needed to be. Don’t forget to pray for her. Some women don’t mean harm but the rest doesn’t care. Either way, you were placed in the friend zone and for good reason.

It’s not rocket science…

However, a lot of us still struggle with figuring out which “ship” we’re in. The funny thing is that it’s quite easy to distinguish the two when we’re not involved with anyone. When we are involved, we find ourselves wondering, assuming and become uncertain, as a result. Being in a situationship feels like a relationship…except it isn’t. Any time you find yourself struggling to choose the right words to describe your status…you’re in a situationship.

There are other signs that’ll easily show you if you open your eyes and ears.

 

Relationship

The both of you are making plans to invest in a future together.

Sex is not the focus/center of your relationship

You’ve both made the decision to practice monogamy

You both want a relationship and you both made it known to each other

You both make a conscious effort to meet each other’s needs.

He wants to build something genuine with you, as you do with him.

He publicly acknowledges you as his girlfriend/woman/lady/future wifey, etc.  When someone invests in you emotionally, they have no problem letting their family and closest circle of friends know who you are and how much you mean to them.

 

Situationship

 

He avoids talking about the future

He will remind you as much as possible that you two are “just friends”.

Time with you is limited

Sex is a priority in your relationship

He is dating others and even suggests you should date others, too.

His family and friends have never met you

Most of your communication is via text

The best way to describe you two is that you’re “involved”, ” talking”, or “figuring things out, but y’all are together”.

Through his actions, he’s showing you that you aren’t good enough for a commitment, and the sad part is you’d rather wait around for him to verbally express when you finally are.

 

 

Because there’s no commitment, you best believe you’re not the only one he’s “talking to”, whether he’s the commitment type or not. Anyone who isn’t ready to commit is really careful not to give someone they’re just sexin’ a title.

Why? because he doesn’t want to put himself in a situation where it’ll be hard for him to get out of. As you both got to know each other, he’s realized he purchased your heart from the clearance table. That’s why he’s still window shopping for other hearts in the glass case. When men see you as an option, that’s how they’ll treat you in case they meet someone who intrigues them more. You’re in a situationship because your “hope factor” won’t allow you to demand exclusivity. Your “hope factor” has made you soft. You know you want a relationship, but you won’t express that for fear of losing him altogether. That’s an issue people in RELATIONSHIPS won’t ever have to deal. Don’t let your desire to be in a relationship make you settle for the minimally basic shit he chooses to do for you. That basic shit that you accept may never get upgraded.

 

 

I think I can vouch for all women reading this when I say when we get something so good, we lose the good sense that we have when we try to hold on to it! Especially when it comes to penis.

I’m not just talking about that “good for the moment”, “can do without”, mediocre type of penis. The kind of penis I’m describing is the kind that unravels all five of your senses during intercourse. The kind of penis I’m talking about makes us do or say things we wouldn’t normally do. The kind of penis I’m talking about is the kind that our bodies yearn for…like an addict taking one last good hit before detox. Unfortunately, our bodies are sometimes responsible for our toxic behavior, because we choose to satisfy our physical needs before our emotional needs. When that penis is attached to a toxic guy, the emotional damages we cause ourselves as women can have long-lasting effects.

Our bodies is in a constant battle with our minds. We know good and gotdamn well we need to leave that toxic guy alone, but we can’t. We can’t because we choose not to.

Your body reminds you with the question…who’s going to make love to you the way that he does?

Your mind replies with….but you deserve to be treated so much better.

Your body responds with….He makes me feel better when I’m with him. He makes me feel whole.

Your mind replies with….but you don’t need a man to make you feel whole or complete.

 

We don’t often recognize our subconscious fear of being single. As a result, we use the back-breaking sex as the reason for holding onto an unhealthy relationship. A woman with this kind of struggle between her body and her mind is what we like to call “dickmitized”.

Babygirl is hypnotized by the dick and she doesn’t want to lose it for all the wrong reasons. Most importantly, she doesn’t want to lose that “good good” to another woman. It’s that inevitable circumstance that leaves a woman in emotional shambles.

Why?

She’s lost herself.

In her gullible mind, a man who fucks her that good MUST be in love with her.

She’s convinced herself that she could help him change his messy ways.

She’s devaluing her worth every time he enters her, knowing he’s gonna be messy the next day.

 

One good stroke will make an intelligent woman dumb down for love. She’s oblivious to the fact that sex is giving her a false sense of security and a false sense of belonging.

 

Truth be told…sex should never be the reason why a woman would accept disrespectful behavior from a man who is supposed to love her. Besides, a man won’t change his messy ways if he thinks he’s being clean. One thing’s for certain, two things for sure…he knows he’s clever. Clever enough to keep screwing your insides out during “make up” sex, because he knows you aren’t going anywhere.

The sad part about all of this is a lot of us use love as an excuse.

Love has nothing to do with your apparent dickmitization. Your actions scream WEAK. Dude smells your weakness miles away and that’s why he does what he do.

 

I need my ladies who are being dickmitized to stop dumbing themselves down for men who obviously low-key care about you. Stop equating sex with love and realize that a grown man shouldn’t have to be reminded daily to act right. We let our bodies control us so much,  that we don’t realize how much we’re willing to tolerate because we don’t want to be alone.

Please understand that dude is not the only fish in the sea.

Please understand that the more special you think you are, the more basic you become.

Get off the dick, find your self-esteem, and wait on the true love that you deserve.

 

 

 

Should you send a text or not?

That is the one question that makes us bite our nails for sure! It’s one of those “damned if we do and damned if we don’t” type of situations.

The best thing that could happen is that you’ll receive a response. The worst thing that could happen is you won’t. You’ll never know unless you hit that ‘send’ button.

Texting has become such an integral part of our communication, that it has taken the place of email and in some cases, actual phone calls. Unfortunately, being judged by your “text etiquette” is the norm these days and for some of us who are anxious by nature, that could be a problem. Especially, in the dating realm.

Having mystery about yourself is a big part of someone’s attraction to you. Because of ppl’s judgments based on texts, their impression of you can be increased or decreased. As a result, your “mystery” can be manifested (according to how they’ll perceive you) into something they’d want to invest in, or something they’d rather not deal with. It truly depends on how you present yourself via text.

Scenario: You’ve met someone, exchanged numbers, talked quite a bit through actual phone conversations, but mostly text. You’ve even gone out a few times and really developed a genuine like for this person.  After weeks of getting to finally know each other, the calls and texts simmer down and you become worried. Your worry turns into anxiety.

When this happens, your texts will turn from “fun and flirty” to “pushy and attention-seeking” and that is a definite turn-off. Texts that includes  why are you not responding?, Did you get my text?, or texts as long paragraphs screams an insecure and needy person. Another thing to remember is to not send a text first ALL THE TIME. Give the person a chance to miss you enough to send the initial text. If the person doesn’t, it’s not the end of the world. If it becomes a week or two before a text is received by that person, remember that people have lives outside of texting and dealing with you, so don’t take it personally.

At this point, if you have to ask yourself if you should send this person a text, then the answer is most likely ‘NO’.

A person who is too focused on texting has too much time on their hands. Don’t be so available that when the person finally texts (or even call) you’ll answer right away. Surprisingly, being somewhat “elusive” is a big part of the thrill and a good challenge for someone who takes interest in you. Again…it’s that ‘mystery” I mentioned earlier. When you’re focused on other things in your life, you become less anxious about getting a text from your crush and that’s exactly what they are until a relationship is genuinely established.

The next time you get a text from your crush…

1)remember to keep it short and sweet

2)Be patient and let him or her text you first

3)Be unpredictable with your response time. It’ll keep them intrigued

4)Give just enough in your texts to keep them wanting more

5)Don’t appear needy with “where are you?” type of questions

Another thing to consider

Just because the texting/calling has simmered down doesn’t always mean that he/she has lost interest. Constant, around the clock texting shouldn’t be expected to last forever. Again…ppl have lives that don’t include you and if you are focused on other things, you’ll realize that. Sometimes, ppl need a break. Nothing more, nothing less.

The key to all of this is to not have expectations. A lot of us also read too much into texting, or lack thereof when we shouldn’t.

Time will eventually reveal the truth, So be patient, lower your expectations of what you think should happen, accept what is, and live your life. If you get a text, great! If not, don’t cry a river over it. It could be one less disaster of a relationship that you won’t have to deal with.

The groundbreaking sitcom, ‘A Different World’, made everyone want to go to college and  it cultivated the anti-stereotypical perception that all young African-Americans are not trouble-makers. A spin-off of ‘The Cosby Show’, this sitcom kept us aware with their socially conscious storylines and gave us a glimpse of what black college life is like.

Some of their storylines also gave us a glimpse of black love between two of its’ main characters, Dwayne and Whitley. The growth of Dwayne and Whitley’s relationship on the show provided a visual template for viewers, on how to develop a healthy, loving relationship. Here are five lessons Dwayne and Whitley taught us that we can implement in our relationships.

 

dandw

 

Be friends first– The greatest foundation for developing a healthy, loving relationship is to be friends first. There’s a saying that the greatest relationships started off as friendships, and I couldn’t agree more! Being friends forms a respectful and genuine bond between the two of you and holds you two together like superglue before and after intimacy. When you form a friendship, you already have a certain level of bond, you two already know each other’s ins and outs, and you are comfortable with one another.

 

dandw

 

Be honest with how you feel – When Dwayne and Whitley had their first REAL kiss, Dwayne was honest in telling Whitley that something was happening between them and wanted to talk about taking their friendship to the next level. Whitley tried to fight her feelings and avoid the much-needed conversation because she was afraid. Although Whitley was trying to deny her feelings for Dwayne, Dwayne took the initiative and put the cards on the table for her.

 

kinu

Don’t play games with the heartThe Summer Dwayne wrote and sent letters to Whitley, Whitley didn’t send any in return. Whitley told Kim and Freddie that keeping a man “yearning” makes him want her more. Dwayne ended his summer be returning to campus from Japan with his girlfriend, Kinu. This is a valuable lesson to all when I say that being self-centered is the gateway to a failed relationship. Don’t do what you wouldn’t want done to you…plain and simple. If you like him/her and he/she is showing you genuine interest, return it.

 

dandw

You’ll never get over your true love– Dwayne’s relationship with Kinu ended when he realized he was still in love with Whitley. Again, Dwayne had to be honest with himself, as well as with Kinu and that was the best decision for them both. It wouldn’t have been fair to Kinu, to Whitley, or even himself, to carry on in a relationship while he had feelings for another woman. Whitley left such an impact on Dwayne, that even her flaws (and she had plenty of those) couldn’t keep Dwayne away from her. This was also true for Whitley, even though she waited until the day of her wedding to call things off with Byron Douglas III

 

Accept each other’s flaws– Both Dwayne and Whitley had their fair share of shortcomings, but that never deterred them from staying in love. Dwayne grew from a geeky freshman with flip-up glasses to a distinguished business man with confidence. Whitley grew from a bougie princess to a more open-minded diva with more realistic expectations. Their personal growth developed by their love for one another, because they’ve accepted each other for who they are. Love brings out the best in people and Whitley and Dwayne’s relationship proved that.

essence

 

 

There was a time when I associated couples who appeared to be successful with “relationship goals”. Then one day, I came to the realization that what looks good on the outside may not look as good on the inside when it comes to others’ relationships.

Relationships require a lot of work to stay healthy and genuine, and I’m sure for some of us single people, it could be difficult to go from “all about me” to “sacrifice for us”. The rest of us who are in relationships are probably thinking they’d be happier single because things aren’t going as expected.

When we start a relationship with our partner, we go through “trial and error”. Believe it or not, we’re still getting to know our mates from the inside out, so best believe, single folks shouldn’t feel bad for being single. Singlehood is a part of life! Singlehood gives us the opportunity to discover who we are as individuals, so when we are finally ready to explore a relationship, we’ll mesh well with our partner.

That beautiful couple with the big smiles you see on your Facebook news feed probably used a lot of energy, tears, and pain to get where they are today. That successful Hollywood couple you adore in movies and television probably spent a few years in counseling for extramarital affairs. I’m pretty sure that elderly couple walking towards you in the aisle of the supermarket went through extreme measures to keep their marriage solid through the hectic times in the 50s and 60s when racism was unbearable and oppression was thick among black communities.

The POV is…..all couples have a story to tell…and their stories aren’t all “peaches n cream”.

 

Some of us who are single yearns to be in a loving relationship, and some of us who are in relationships yearns to be single again because their relationship isn’t prospering. It all comes down to what we’re willing to tolerate and fight for and what we feel we shouldn’t invest energy on.

In conclusion, I’d like to encourage the single folks that when the time is right, you will be in a relationship you deserve. The one thing you’d want to remember is not to dwell too much on wanting a relationship. When you do, the dwelling will grow into an obsession that will hinder you and make you seem desperate and needy to your partner, and we don’t want that. Every one of us experiences different things in each chapter in our lives. That nice couple you see and wish you could have a relationship like theirs could be at chapter 19 while you’re on chapter 27 (and vice versa).