Although we don’t mean to, we hurt one another and even ourselves, when in relationships. Sometimes, we’re oblivious to our flaws and naturally so. We don’t often see that we’re pouring salt in our own wounds, and by the time we see things more clearly, it may be too late.

It all stems from how we see the world around us; what we were taught growing up, experiences we’ve had, and how we view ourselves. These are all factors that may make or break a romantic relationship.

No relationship is perfect. However, there are ways to keep a relationship living to its fullest potential. Here are the five biggest mistakes we make in relationships and what we can do to correct them.

1)

You’re not accepting your mate for who he/she is

If you spend any amount of energy trying to change your mate, then you’re totally wasting it. That only means you’ve been trying to change the person that he/she is and has since y’all exchanged numbers. The relationship is destined to fail if you can’t allow yourself to accept the kind of person your mate is or wants to be.

Solution: The person you fell in love with and/or care for will be that same person. Accept that and if you can’t live with that, then maybe the person is not right for you.

 

2)

You don’t know your worth

Truth be told, not knowing your self-worth will keep you living in singlehood until you come correct and know that shit like your social security number. No one wants to be with a person who doesn’t value their selves. Eventually, the person you’re with will take notice and will begin to treat you the way you see yourself.

Solution: Start respecting yourself and recognize just how truly valuable you are. Your whole persona will change once you do. You’ll also see things more clearly; what you like, don’t like, and what you deserve. Your mate will know when you know.

 

3)

You attempted to snatch him/her up too quickly

Nothing will ruin a good, fresh, “still getting to know” type of relationship like a person who moves too fast. That kind of behavior will make the person very uncomfortable because it screams desperation. When we’re so consumed with finding “the one”, we act out of anxiety.

Solution: The subtle approach is best and patience is key. Just focus on having fun, instead of trying to build a commitment. When the time is right, you’ll feel it. No need in rushing it.

 

4) 

No trust

Whether the trust was broken, or simply wasn’t built from the beginning, not trusting your mate is a surefire way for your relationship to fail. If you can’t trust your mate, why are you with the person?

Solution: Talk things out. Make your mate aware of why trust is difficult to have. If your mate cares about your feelings and cares about a future with you, he/she will do what’s needed to gain your trust.

 

5)

No inspiration

A person has to see or feel some level of inspiration from you to see a future with you. If your mate isn’t inspired, then it’s a rap!

Solution: Make sure the person resonates with who you are as a person. If he/she can easily blend in with your life, your personality, your passion, your beliefs, etc., then this person is a great fit for you… like the last piece to the puzzle. Trying to make a relationship work with someone who isn’t inspired by you is like trying to force a puzzle piece to fit while other pieces are still scattered on the table.

 

Your puzzle has to match your mate’s picture

 

 

I’ve listened to and read both stories behind two beautiful women in the business, Mo’Nique & Toya Wright and their whole idea about giving their men “hall passes”.

Before I go any further, let me explain to those who has never heard of the term “hall pass”. Simply put, you’re allowing your mate a chance to cheat.

Apparently, Toya Wright gave her ex-husband Memphitz 8 hall passes a year during their marriage, he said on a recent episode of Untying The Knot. Although, Toya claimed that her response to her ex-husband was edited, she still received backlash.

Mo’Nique openly discussed her idea on “hall passes”. According to VibeMo’Nique referred to the vows couples take when they get married, stating that they should be prepared to “live by them”.  She advised couples to be best friends and honest with each other.  Mo’Nique also noted that people cheat because some needs are not being met.

 

Here’s my take on this whole “Hall pass” issue and why I don’t agree with it.

 

I’m not married, but I’m pretty aware of the wedding vows:

I, (insert name here)

Take you, (insert name here)

to be my wedded husband/wife

to have and to hold

from this day forward

for better, for worse,

for richer, for poorer,

in sickness and in health,

’til death do us part

and hereto, I pledge you my faithfulness

 

I’m trying to see where “hall passes” fit into these vows, but I’m struggling, so I need my couples who believe in “hall passes” to show me.

In my humble opinion, giving “hall passes” to your mate is like giving your mate bullets to a gun to shoot you with. We live in a world where people have the freedom to have options, so having plenty of those is your prerogative until you take those vows in front of God. If hall passing is the thing to do after tying the knot, then I need to know why you’re married. That’s defeating the purpose of being committed. Committing to one another is why couples sign official court papers and spend thousands of dollars on a one-day ceremony just to legally and spiritually say “you’re mine and I’m yours…and no one else’s. That includes physically and emotionally.

Giving hall passes makes me question anyone’s self-worth and judges the receivers, wondering why they feel the need to have sexual intercourse with someone besides their spouse. If needs are not being met, has that been discussed? Are needs being met but you still need variety?

For the hall pass givers…Do you ever think about what hall passing could do to your relationship in the future?

If you and your mate (married or not) are into those open-relationships/marriage, then hey..who am I to judge? However, I’ll always question why there’s even such a thing. If you’re giving hall passes because you KNOW you’re mate isn’t getting all of his/her needs met, then why don’t you consider fulfilling them all before you do such a thing?

Does confidence or lack thereof play a part?

Are you aware that your mate isn’t becoming sexually satisfied. Again…why wouldn’t that be discussed before a hall pass is given?

It’s not really an issue with those who are in basic sexual relationships because hall passes are naturally given. There are no fucks given from single people, committed or not. Granted…the whole point of being in an open relationship.

 

I have so many other questions but I’ll conclude with this……

There will come a time when I will be in a relationship and when I do, my goal is to keep my relationship solid with respect and honesty, first and foremost. Whatever needs to be communicated will be and I can guarantee you…hall passing will not even be a thought, unless he wants to be single.

Sometimes, I have to remind myself  that as a culture, we’ve done a poor job of keeping the sanctity of marriage.  As married folks, some of us are either selfish or crave variety outside of marriage.  As mentioned in Do You Believe in Monogamy?40 to 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce with extramarital sex as the leading cause. That’s enough for sensitive people like me to NEVER want to get married, but then I’ll remember…it takes one person special enough for someone to make a change without forcing the person. I pray that I’m blessed with someone who sees me as THAT kind of special.

So yeah, future hubby can miss me with that hall passing option.

 

 

I don’t think you guys have no idea that when a woman is in a committed relationship with you, she “throws it” better. You reap the benefits of not just the ass, but her mind, body, and soul because she feels you deserve them. When you prove to her that she is the only woman you’ll ever need, she won’t hesitate to support that decision by giving you ALL of her.

Let me break it down for ya…

The more you treat your woman how she should be treated, the less you push her away into the arms of another man. Unfortunately, you date around like you’re trying on shoes. You like the pair you’ve already picked, but you try on other pairs in case they look better on your feet. There’s nothing wrong with having options, but why are options even needed when you have a woman in your life that’s willing to give you what you claim you’re looking for?

If the feelings aren’t mutual or you just don’t want to be in a relationship, then I can understand. Once you realize that, coming clean would be the best for both involved to save yourselves from more drama in the future. However, you’re the guy who needs variety before you make a choice, so your phone’s contact list resembles the classic “little black book” with 5-star ratings and the whole nine!  There’s nothing hindering you from going to the next level with this particular woman. There’s no financial instability, no baby mama drama, and things are going pretty well..except for the fact that you punk out on the first sign of a serious relationship.

If she is who you want then maybe you should consider giving her a chance and see how things go. You’re obviously ready for a commitment because you tell yourself that all the time…you just have this fear of making the wrong choice. I promise you…when you give your full attention to her, she will send you somewhere you’ve never been before. Women carry what you call Oxytocin, a chemical reaction that ignites after sex. We feel happy, relaxed, and feel a deeper connection to our mate. When we’re committed, oh boy! That chemical reaction stays ignited and bursts like fireworks! Along with trusting you and being head-over-heels in love with you, she will pull no stops when making you feel the way she feels about you. Everything you were looking for physically and emotionally from those other women, she can provide for you because she loves you and she’s IN love with you. When you’re committed, that makes for even better sex and a better emotional connection. You, my friend, just have to be willing.

What’s the worst that could happen?

You two are only sexually compatible. Unfortunately, we don’t find out about that until we become “official”. It happens. At the end of the day, you gave it a shot. However, it could also be the best thing that could ever happen to you. You’ll never know unless you try.

 

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