For those who don’t understand the term “friends with benefits”, it’s basically an agreement from both individuals to have a sexual relationship without any emotional ties or commitment; sex with no strings attached. While it may make you and your partner feel like liberating sexual beasts, there are consequences to consider. Not only are there lines being crossed, but the words “friend” went out the window, the moment the penis entered the vagina. That feeling of being a liberating sexual beast won’t last.

If you’re a FWB, have you ever considered the fact that you’re not allowed to develop feelings? No relationship…no emotions…just SEX! That’s the three golden rules that don’t apply to everyone because it’s fuckin impossible! FWB relationships give you a sense of connection and significance, but it also gives a false sense of “getting your needs met”. Sure, you’re getting sex, but you’re using sex to hide true feelings that you’re scared to reveal for whatever reason and that leads to frustration, making that connection between you two short-lived. The more you try to deny your feelings, the more frustrating you become and as a result, you’re hurt.

I want to know how FWB draw the line between sharing and not being vulnerable when sex is one of the most vulnerable acts of mankind! Will there be times after having sex for the first time where you’ll feel like doing “bestie” things with no sex?  Do you both expect to end up in bed every time y’all  hang out? How does it all work?

One thing’s for sure…someone is bound to fall for the other and it’s usually the woman. Why?…men can naturally have sex without emotions, so it’s easy breezy for them.

This leads me to a few questions…

Does the woman expect that sex will deepen the bond between her and her “friend”? Did she always have feelings for him and never expressed it? It’s possible! What happens when you discover your partner gets into a relationship with someone else? Don’t think it’ll be easy to turn off your feelings like a light switch. Us women carry what you call Oxytocin, a chemical reaction that ignites after sex. We feel happy, relaxed, and feel a deeper connection to our partner. So to consciously decide that you will not develop emotions for your FWB will confuse the hell out of you, and it could also damage your self-esteem.

 

Getting involved in a FWB type of relationship is risky. You’ll have to know what to expect and what not to expect. One of the consequences to consider is the possibility of you losing your friend. No one expects that to happen because the focus is to get the needs met. You chose each other as a FWB because you provide comfort for each other. Because you guys are friends, you know each other’s wants and needs. Even the topics you both discuss are candid, because you both confide in each other. They say people in  good relationships starts off as friends.

Let that marinate

 

Honestly, the effort you put into trying to justify being a Friend with Benefits, you could apply that same effort into building a genuine and committed relationship.

Why don’t you guys just be committed?

Better yet….

Does your friend partner think you’re worth a committed relationship?

Do YOU think you’re worth it?

Lakia Nichole
Lakia Nichole's Blog is a platform to showcase love for my people, our culture, and all positive things in-between.