When we jump into a situationship with uncertainty, it’s usually with doubt and for good reason. There’s always that inner voice that tells you when something isn’t right. Your gut feeling convinces you that your partner isn’t as serious about you as you are about your partner. This is usually correlated with low confidence and low self-esteem, but that’s not always the case. It’s simply a matter of intuition and whether we choose to listen to it or not. Your partner inadvertently makes you feel like a placeholder because you keep seeing signs from him/her with one foot out the door of commitment.

When it comes to relationships, a placeholder is someone who unknowingly fills an empty position and doesn’t realize it until the obvious signs surfaces. If you’re unsure of what these signs are, then this list could help you. Here are sure-fire signs you’re a placeholder in your partner’s life.

1) Your partner is not on the same page as you– This is a clear sign that you’re placeholder. If there was no discussion about being committed to one another, then maybe you need to rethink keeping a seat warm that is possibly meant for someone else.

2) You find yourself wondering what the two of you are doing– Are you the girl/boyfriend? Are you both working towards building something permanent? It’s clear that proper communication is not being practiced. These are things you should know and if your partner doesn’t clarify these things for you, either your partner is already set on building something with someone else, or simply isn’t sure  if (s)he wants to build something with you. If that’s the case, you’re an option. Nothing more, nothing less.

3) You find yourself emotionally manipulating your partner with guilt-harboring tendencies in exchange for attention.- Lack of attention from your partner is definitely a significant issue and proves lack of effort on his/her part. If you have to force guilt upon him/her to get  the attention you need, then it’s time to evaluate ridin’ solo. Anyone who truly cares about their partner will see to it that they’re fully satisfied in the relationship.


Placeholding is such a devalued habit, but it’s not easy to see that when that hope factor clouds our vision. We have to remind ourselves that being a placeholder means we will never be given that needed level of respect that we deserve in a relationship. Therefore, we must end these positions ASAP! We ae worth more than a seat-warmer. We deserve a long-lasting authentic relationship that will fully satisfy us. We deserve assurance, certainty, and loyalty from our partners. A partner who is genuine with his/her intentions will believe you deserve the aforementioned, too. There’s no manipulation, no uncertainty, and no miscommunication.

Get rid of that placeholder position and sit back on your throne


Lakia Nichole

Lakia Nichole’s Blog is a platform to showcase love for my people, our culture, and all positive things in-between.