Image by Devin Trent Photography


As a single woman, I’ve told myself plenty of times that being single isn’t and shouldn’t be a problem, but sometimes I “back peddle”. My thoughts shift every time my birthday comes around. It’s the anxiety that creeps up when that little voice whispers, Bish, you’re getting old! As a result, I become disappointed that at my age, I’m still “figuring things out”.  There’s nothing wrong with that and taking the free time as a single person to grow mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. But, I sometimes  feel the older we get, the more difficult self-discovery can be.

I’ve struggled with relationships for over twenty years. That’s enough to make any single person give up on dating, as I have. I have exhausted all possibilities of having a fruitful, genuine, and loving relationship because it’s seemingly not meant for me to have. I know what I’ve said in 6 Ways To Mend a Broken Heart. Remember, I told you I “back peddle”. That usually happens after every attempt to find love whenever I feel “open” enough to look for it.

I know, I know! Trying to find love will never work! I understand that finding love within ourselves is more important because it allows us to identify our true needs before we enter a relationship. I know I’ve failed at finding love because it’s what I look for in every man (who I see potential in)  I encounter. I have a habit of becoming infatuated with a guy’s potential, not realizing that he could possibly not live up to it. I also have a habit of having my mind set on having a relationship when I encounter men with potential and that’s a disaster from the start.

The funny thing is I’m clear on what my patterned problem is. The question is how can I break it?

I seem to always have it under control until a guy shows what appears to be genuine interest. Men use slickish ways to make us feel desired and wanted. However, there’s a difference between being wanted and being valued. I’ve learned that guys only value women they see having long-term relations with. This is what my experiences with them have taught me.

Now, I have to get down to the nitty-gritty when it comes to embracing Singlehood and using the free time as a single woman to not only figure out what I truly need but also get my priorities in order. I’m learning to embrace Singlehood because it gives me time; time to adjust, time to heal, time to grow, time to acknowledge, time to feel, time to deal, time to time to plan, time to enjoy, time to evaluate, time to think, time to manifest, and time to find love within myself. Knowing that I don’t need to feel whole from a man’s love because I have love of self guarantees that I’m on the right track.

Are you struggling with being single or do you embrace it?


Lakia Nichole

Lakia Nichole’s Blog is a platform to showcase love for my people, our culture, and all positive things in-between.