We all take those leaps of faith when it comes to wanting a successful relationship, but sometimes when we take that leap, we somehow land on our faces. As a result, the dreaded question comes up…

Why her and not me?

Let me break it down for ya…

It’s a disappointing cycle that you go through with every guy you get involved with. You want a relationship, but he doesn’t. What bothers you more is that the next chick he hooks up with is the one he stands with at the altar. You’re left confused and hurt as to why he chose her as his wife over you. You were everything to him! While doing overtime in proving how much of a good girlfriend you could be, he has already made up his mind that he doesn’t want to be committed. He won’t tell you though, because he doesn’t want to lose the benefits from you trying to prove to him with crazy sex, gourmet meals, surprise gifts, the password to your Netflix, babysitting his kid, texting endless “love quotes”, your sexy outfits, and giving your soul with full body massages, including the temples.

Girl, your tactics to become “long-term” are being wasted on a guy who plans to be “short-term” with you. Along with you pressuring him with questions about why he isn’t where you are, you have set yourself up to get hurt, as you have repeatedly in the past.




She’s more settled than you are– What’s the purpose of wanting a guy with valuable attributes like his own car, money, house, all-around successful, goal-oriented, and into God before anything and anyone when you can’t add any of those same attributes or qualities? Get your life on track before you try to secure a relationship.


The other woman ¬†didn’t put pressure on him like you did– Whether a man wants to be committed or not, he doesn’t like to feel as if he’s been given some sort of ultimatum. He has to be ready for a relationship when he sees fit. Don’t get me wrong! There’s never anything wrong with expressing that you’d like to be in a loving committed relationship. It’s wrong when you share with him that you saw the perfect wedding dress on display a couple of days ago. Your intentions to be in his life won’t feel genuine and it’ll feel as if you are just trying not to go no more days as a single woman. Your loneliness is showing through your actions.

The timing is all wrong– Maybe you’ve met your guy at a time when he was figuring things out about his life. Situations like getting over an ex, stuck between jobs, having family issues, or money’s not right plays a huge part in his decision as to whether or not he wants a relationship. He could have even met another lady and is observing his options between the two of you. Timing is everything and should be considered as a major factor regarding relationships.

She puts her foot down!– While some men shy away from women who demands respect, the rest find that extremely appealing. Those are the women they want and need, because they’ll bring out the best in them. If you let your man get away with murder, he will eventually take notice, take advantage, and will eventually leave you because you don’t know your worth. If you don’t know your worth, he won’t either. He won’t respect you if you don’t respect yourself enough to check him when he needs to be checked.

She doesn’t rely on his presence to have a good time– This means that she enjoys time away from him, as much as she does when she’s with him. She’s not clingy by wanting to be with him ALL THE TIME. She gives him a chance to miss her simply by doing her. She goes out, has fun with friends, she works on goals and hobbies. She has a life. She does what she can to make her life more exciting by doing more than just working then going home.

She’s not possessive or jealous– It’s a huge turn off for guys when you become too possessive, especially when you’re only a couple of months into the relationship”. So, you saw a chick tagged him a pic of them together on Facebook and they were hugged up. You spazzed before realizing that’s his cousin from out-of-state. Actions like that will surely put you in the “short-term” zone quickly.




Lakia Nichole

Lakia Nichole’s Blog is a platform to showcase love for my people, our culture, and all positive things in-between.