After a few months of dating, have you found yourself wondering why your new boo is always complimenting you not on your looks or your intelligence, but your body? Is he always making references about how good you are in bed? Do you try to connect with him on a deeper mental, intellectual and emotional level and fail at every attempt? Do you two spend more time in bed together than on actual dates?

Sounds like you have a man that’s not into you and it could be for a few reasons…

a) He doesn’t find you important enough to share that deeper side of him

b) Unless it’s about the sex which you both enjoy, he has a hard time expressing himself. He doesn’t mind talking sex with you because that’s where his comfort zone is. Anything above the physical is out of his league.

c) He’s already emotionally and mentally connected with another woman

Men are really good at making women feel special enough to give up the goodies because he pulls all of the tricks to make her feel like she’s the only one. But it’s difficult when you realize the dynamic of your new relationship with him is based off sexual intercourse. You want more out of the relationship and he doesn’t. Of course, he won’t tell you that because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. Sex with you is too good to be at odds with you, so he’ll do just enough to convince you that y’all are good. But that women’s intuition tells you something different. Part of a man’s tricks regarding this is quite simple, but we’ll never notice because we’re so head over heels.

Keep your ears wide open when he talks to you. Men will choose their words carefully, so whatever they say doesn’t backfire on them.

He avoids bringing up any kind of future with you. For example, if you say “I don’t know what the future holds, but I hope it’s with you.” and he responds with “Awhhh, you’re so sweet, babe.” He’s brushed you off with sweet words and of course, you felt for it.

Women need a verbal response when we’re looking for answers from men, but for some reason we’ll accept an emotional non-verbal response if it’s the reaction we’re looking for. He didn’t say he wanted a future with you, but because his reaction was positive, you assumed he does. Proof that assumptions (and expectations) can fuck you up.

Let’s not forget the ones who are already in relationships. Those men will pull the biggest trick in the book when juggling one other woman (or more), without even considering his relationship with the woman he’s already with.

Men are different…and weird…and stupid, but we can’t help but love them. However, loving ourselves enough to walk away from relationships like this will not only show how valuable you are, but you’ll come to the realization that you deserve the total package…a man who is going to want everything you want. He will show you not only physically, but emotionally, mentally and spiritually without hesitation. That man will come in due time.

Get ready.

Lakia Nichole
Lakia Nichole's Blog is a platform to showcase love for my people, our culture, and all positive things in-between.