People who say “yes” to a lot of things or agree with most things, even if they really don’t agree, are people who’d rather see others around them happy. It’s a noble, yet a strange habit that will not only make that person a potential pushover, but they’ll get accustomed to putting others before themselves.

We all want to be liked and adored. We also want to be seen as caring, kind, and joyful. However, people-pleasers go above and beyond to please others, but are oblivious to their depleted energy from over committing themselves and pressuring themselves to “fit in”. People-pleasers can carry this habit into their intimate relationships, as well. They want to be loved, so they’ll do anything outside of their comfort zone to make their significant other happy. If you see any of you in this post, then it’s time for you to start saying NO.

Say no with assertion– When folks are not used to hearing you say no, it’ll be kind of hard to convince them that you mean it when you finally say it. Say NO like you mean it and if you must give them a reason, let it be known without hesitation.

Prioritize– You owe it to yourself to look out for YOU because no one else will. If you are used to going out of your way for others while putting what you need to do to the side, then consider the consequences. More than likely, you’ll become frustrated and overwhelmed, all while the person you went out for is feeling easy breezy. Know that your priorities are just as important, if not, more. Folks will show their true colors when you prioritize. Only then will you find out who’s genuine in your life and who’s not.

You have a choice– People-pleasers always feel like they have to help a person who asks for their help. If you don’t want to, can’t, or simply feel like it’s not your problem, then you have a right to feel that way. Just say no. It’s that simple.

Acceptance– Everyone is not going to like you and that’s okay. Accept that and move on. You definitely won’t cry tears of sadness over them. Remember that your purpose in life is not to please them.

Learn the difference between manipulation and flattery– An example: I’m an independent publisher and an author. If I tell someone that I write and publish books, either they will congratulate me and keep it movin’ or they will congratulate me then suggest I read their manuscript they did not care to complete a year ago. It could be easy for me to say yes if I’m looking for an author to sign but if not, I’m certainly not going to feel pressured to say yes when I know I have other projects to complete. You have to know your limitations and don’t let others manipulate you with flattery. When you say NO, either they’ll understand or they won’t. Either way, just stay cute and keep it movin’.

Know that your time is valuable– You have no time to waste, especially when you have things to do. People-pleasers often get sucked into doing pointless stuff for others which don’t benefit them in any way, shape, or form. Hence, the frustration they build when they don’t get to do the things they really need to do for themselves. People ( and you) need to understand that your time should be utilized with projects that will benefit both parties involved. If what you’re asked to do or be a part of doesn’t add value to your life, then don’t bother getting involved. Again…just say NO. Unless you feel they’re worthy of your time, you don’t owe anyone any amount of it. Do more for yourself without any regrets. You can start with saying yes less and no more.

Lakia Nichole
Lakia Nichole's Blog is a platform to showcase love for my people, our culture, and all positive things in-between.